That’s the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Courtney Love: Train wreck.

The funny thing about a train wreck is that you can see it coming, you see the out of control locomotive speeding down the track, heading straight for disaster, and you can not (Will not?) look away.

And as that train is hurtling towards inevitable and complete destruction, you have enough time to ask yourself a few simple questions: How did this happen?  Was somebody asleep at the switch?  Just who the hell is in charge around here?

The same questions enter my mind whenever I see Courtney Love.  

Who thought this was a good idea?  Who green-lit this project?  Who’s running this show?

Now, before I get out my ginsu knife, the one that can cut through a tin can and still beautifully julienne a carrot, and proceed to carve this woman a new one, let’s get something out of the way; I don’t hate this woman.  Really, I don’t.  

What I hate is this woman’s single-minded pursuit of stardom at the expense of all those around her.

And I give credit where credit is due. I have in the past applauded her efforts to raise public awareness of the plight of recording artists who are getting ripped off by record companies. (Salon.Com: Courtney Love does the math)  It’s a great article and I would have liked to seen her do more with it – A trip to Congress with other musicians would have been a good start – but that was, sadly, all we got from her.  

Regardless, it was a decent effort on her part and not many other musicians were saying much on the subject.  Like I said, I give credit where credit is due, but that’s about all she’s due.  The rest of her is a complete waste of DNA.

I’m torn here.  The problem is celebrities, even out of control ones like Courtney Love, are people, too.  And what’s more, there is the matter of the only person involved who’s pretty much innocent: Her daughter, Francis Bean. (I hate the thought of a little kid with internet access seeing this stuff.)

However, Courtney Love should have considered the possible consequences of subjecting her daughter to Mommy’s relentless pursuit of intergalactic notoriety before Mommy flashed her boobs on Late Night with David Letterman over and over and over again.

So, having said all that, on with the show…

You know, there are a lot of rumors floating around the web about Courtney Love’s possible involvement in the suicide of Kurt Cobain.

Let me say this here and now: Not her fault, kids.  Do I think she was involved?  Doesn’t matter what you think, only matters what you can prove.  So you may as well stop speculating.  Same thing goes for Kristen Pfaff.  (I’m originally from Buffalo, NY, so we all kinda took it hard when she died.)  But like I said, it doesn’t matter what you think, it only matters what you can prove.  The rest is all X-Files conspiracy BS and you look silly dabbling in it.

So unless you got her fingerprints on the murder weapon, would you please cut it loose?  

And driving someone to suicide ain’t the same thing, kids.  There are a lot of people who make me crazy in this life, but if you think I’m gonna give them the satisfaction of seeing me blow my own head off, you’re insane.  Living well is always the best revenge.

No, she is not guilty of any of that.  What she is guilty of is being an opportunist, and that’s pretty much it.  This woman has decided that she is going to be a star by any means necessary.  

The definition of an opportunist is someone who takes advantage of any opportunity to achieve an end, often with no regard for principles or consequences. (Special thanks to the American Heritage® Dictionary.)  Damn, don’t you think there should be a picture of Courtney Love next to this entry?

The woman has the ability to make the most out of every opportunity, starting with her career in music.  (Eech!)  Let me say something here: I think the woman sucks as a musician.  She can’t sing and she can’t play.  Her entire career is based on the fact that she was married to Kurt Cobain – who couldn’t sing or play, either, but I digress…

Regardless, solely based on the fact that she was Kurt Cobain’s wife, she got a few albums out and sold some tickets.  (When opportunity knocks…)

However, Hole wasn’t exactly burning up the charts.  Now, I’m sure she’s got Platinum albums hanging on her walls, and that’s all fine, well and good, but it’s not like she recorded “Rumors” or “Back In Black”.  (Or even “Nevermind”, for that matter.)  So the recording thing is not really going anyplace anymore.  I mean, no one’s waiting with bated breath for another Hole album.

(I keep wondering why she dropped the word “ass” from the beginning of her band’s name, but I digress…)

 Either way, she parlayed that into a movie career – sort of. For the record, asking Courtney Love to play a drug addict stripper is kinda like asking John Gotti to play a gangster – you’re gonna get a stellar performance out of both of them.

However, don’t expect much else out of the girl by way of depth or breadth of character.  It ain’t like she’s gonna do Shakespeare, kids.  I think she’s pretty much hit the wall there.

So, since she can’t live for a moment outside of the freakin’ spotlight, we are now being subjected to the sight of a surgically enhanced Courtney Love terrorizing NYC in her pursuit of super-stardom dot com.  You know, I’ve never seen anyone try to take a city hostage with a pair of boobs before.  And, quit frankly, it’s a bit too much to take.

I do believe that the woman is an addict, but her addiction isn’t to opiates.  She’s addicted to celebrity, which is far worse because there is no 12-step program for that.  

The woman has Reality Show stamped all over her.  Mark my words, you’re gonna get The Courtney Channel on basic cable pretty soon.  All Courtney, all the time.  Live and uncensored. 

The sad thing is I can’t wait for that moment.  Are you kidding?  That would be the most unreal reality show in history.  I get the distinct impression that Courtney Love’s reality is kinda like Stephen King’s fantasy.  

Like I said, she’s a train wreck.  We can see it coming and we can not (Will not?) look away.  We are the ones supplying the spotlight that illuminates this downward spiral.  We are fascinated and intrigued.  We can’t wait to buy the T-shirt and the first season on DVD.  (Hell, we even like it when she flashes her boobs.)

So all those questions I had in the beginning: Whose fault is this?  Who made this woman a star?  Just who in the hell is in charge here?  

Looks like that who would be us.  

Wow – maybe she is America’s Sweetheart after all.

That’s my two cents, now gimme my change. 

Not Enough?  Chuck gives us a very special bonus 2 cents this week, a great piece on the 80s!  Click here to check it out. 
 
 

Chuck DiMaria is Los Angeles based musician and antiMUSIC columnist. Check out his website ChuckDiMaria.com for more of his writings, MP3s and more (be sure to read about his adventures in online dating!!)

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