I hate Eminem.

You know why?  Because he gets to say whatever he wants and laughs all the way to the bank doing it.

Oh, that makes me so mad.  I hate that guy!

I wish I could do that, too.

I mean, think about it; if I shoot my mouth off here, all I can look forward to is 5Against1, Mama Cass and LithiumBliss giving me a cyber-wedgie.  (Sorry, had to give a shout out to all my peeps!)  But I’m not gonna make a million off of it, that’s for damn sure.

But Eminem is in the rather enviable position of being able to say whatever he wants in exactly the way he wants and is getting away with it.

And making a profit.

And, profit margin aside, there is a lot to be said for Em-Squared to be able to do this.  It helps to keep certain people in line.

I’ll give you a recent example of just what I’m talking about here: While most others in the media and the entertainment community are rallying behind that pedophile – oh, excuse, alleged pedophile – Michael Jackson, Eminem gets to tell it like it is.

He puts out a video lambasting this piece of garbage – oh, excuse me, alleged piece of garbage – and dear old MJ actually got BET to pull the video.

Which, of course, is absolutely wonderful news to Eminem because it gives him even more publicity and makes him even more money and causes even more people to see that video.

The guy’s practically a superhero here.

Generally speaking, I’m not much into hip-hop.  I can appreciate it like I can appreciate almost all forms of music, but I’m not a big fan of it.  (Although occasionally on Def Jam Poetry, when you sift through all the self-indulgent crap, you find some truly amazing work.)

 And I’m also a little reluctant to listen to any white guy who tries to act black.  And that’s not because I’m a racist, so please hold all your complaint calls.  It’s just that I don’t think eating a plate of pasta makes you Italian and I also don’t think that wearing hip-hop clothes doesn’t mean you have even the smallest understanding of what the black experience in America is.  In other words, you’re merely cashing in, period.

Case in point, Kid Rock.  A rich white kid from the suburbs acting like a poor, inner city black kid just isn’t all that compelling to me.

However, Kid does support Bush, so he can’t be all that bad.  (And if anyone can actually tell me how to join the vast right-wing conspiracy, I’d really appreciate it.)

Plus, Kid was doing the boom-boom with Pamela Anderson, the star of one of my all-time favorite shows, Stripperella, so he’s got that going for him, too.

But I digress…

The way I see it, the reining king of controversy, at least for right now, is Em-Squared.  He makes Marilyn Manson and Courtney Love look like Donnie and Marie on Prozac.

I don’t quite understand why so many people are actually standing behind Michael Jackson on this one, either.  I mean, I do believe in “innocent until proven guilty”, but come on!  Gotta go with Em-Squared on this one.

And I’ll tell you something else here that really pisses me off about the whole thing: BET actually caved in.  They yanked the video.

Now, can we all go First Amendment hog wild here?  Sure, I’ll bet a lot of people will.  But since it’s not government-sponsored censorship, I’m not joining that particular conga line.  

However, I will say this about BET: You spineless tool!  Michael Jackson was offended by the video?  I think that was the idea.  As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure Em-Squared wasn’t really looking to put a smile on MJ’s puss anyway.  

Not that he even has a mouth anymore.  (Or a nose for that matter.)  But I digress…

The fact that BET bowed down before MJ really cracks me up.  It’s not like he’s had a hit recently, so I can’t really see him cranking up their revenues.  I just don’t get it.

But Em-Squared is giggling all the way to the bank and getting a message out there all at the same time.  You gotta love that.

Oh, before I forget, another thing about Eminem that I hate is the fact that he can write a song about his ex describing exactly what he wants to do to her and he gets away with that, too!  And believe me when I tell you, I’d love to be able to have that kind of heat on my career.

All I can do is drive past my ex’s house and glare out the window.  It’s just not the same…

You know, I wasn’t really sure how long Em-Squared was going to be hanging around, but he’s proving to be a bit more resilient than I previously thought.  And even though I don’t consider myself a fan (although the song “Lose Yourself” does give me chills), I will give credit where credit is due; I’m glad you had brass ones big enough to do what you did, profit margin or not.

At least there’s someone out there who doesn’t buy into that whole PC mindcrime. 

Yes, I hate Eminem.  And I say that with much love.

And as for Michael Jackson?  Well, I think I’ll let Em-Squared do all the talking there.

That’s my two cents, now gimme my change. 
 
 
 

Chuck DiMaria is Los Angeles based musician, actor and antiMUSIC columnist (his resume goes on). Check out his website ChuckDiMaria.com for more of his writings, MP3s and more (be sure to read about his adventures in online dating!!) Plus be sure check out the site for his band Under Pressure.

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