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antiMUSIC is pleased to welcome aboard with Chuck DiMaria, who will be giving us his 2 cents every week on a variety of music topics.


An Open Letter To Michael Jackson

The following is an opinion article. It should be read as such. Michael Jackson has not yet been convicted of the crimes he is on trial for, but this article does address testimony given by certain witnesses thus far. O.J. Simpson and Robert Blake were acquitted of the murders they were tried for. As always the views expressed by the writer do not neccessarily reflect the views of antiMUSIC or the iconoclast entertainment group

Dear Mr. Jackson:

Ok, let me see if I have this straight: Someone now claims to have actually watched while you molested a young boy, up to and including putting his penis in your mouth?

Enough. I've had enough.

Look, Mike, I know that being famous can be a real drag, what with not being able to go to the movies anytime you want, being hounded by the press, living your life under a microscope, etc, etc. But is it really necessary to drown your troubles in Jesus Juice and bury your face in some twelve-year-old kid's lap in order to kill the pain?

Now, I understand that yours wasn't exactly a normal childhood. I'm sorry that you actually had some talent and made a living singing and dancing. But let's be honest here; do you really expect anyone to believe that explains your behavior?

Don't get me wrong, Mikey. I know that the parents who dropped their kids off at your door are pretty high up on my People To Blame List. And so is that so-called security guard who claims to have watched you do your Monica Lewinsky impression on that little boy and neglected to inform the proper authorities until now. (I'm expecting he'll get a book deal out of this, but that's another rave.)

But I'm kind of grappling with a few issues here and I was wondering if you could shed a little light on them.

First of all, have you no shame? Do you really believe that you can recapture some of your lost childhood by stealing the innocence from some kid?

Secondly, have you no conscience? Can you sleep at night, or is that hyperbaric chamber designed to muffle the sounds of your own weeping as you cry yourself to sleep?

And lastly, but probably most importantly, what would you do if some guy treated your children the same way you allegedly treated those kids?

Wait, scratch that last one. I just remembered seeing a video of you dangling one of your kids from a balcony.

Nevermind, Mike. I think I got my answer.

You know, I sang along with We Are The World, thinking that it was a pretty decent thing for a bunch of over-paid rock stars to do. A couple of hours of your time spent in the studio resulted in millions of dollars being raised for starving children.

But now I'm going to have to re-think using the word "decent" when referring to you, Mike. It just doesn't seem to fit.

I know that lately it's pretty chic to kill your wife, what with Mr. Simpson, Mr. Blake, and Mr. Schiavo leading the pack. Mr. Peterson would be on that list, too, if he had cooked up a better alibi and hadn't been caught at the Mexican border with a brand new hairstyle and ten grand in his back pocket. But nobody is going to let child molestation slide.

We can forgive you for a lot of things. The pale skin, the plastic surgery gone wild, the crotch-grabbing. (I mean, as long as it's your own crotch that you're grabbing.) But this one is way off the Forgive And Forget radar.

How did we come to this, Mike? Was getting the occasional whippin' from your dad that bad? Was it all the millions of adoring fans? Was it all of the millions of adoring dollars?

What the hell happened here?

Now, due to certain legal ramifications, I have to say that, at least as of this writing, that you are alleged to have committed these acts. Ok, I'll give you that one. But you got a lot of explaining to do, M.J., innocent or guilty.

For instance, what are kids doing in your bed?

How exactly did you come up with the term "Jesus Juice"? (Wouldn't Jehovah Juice work just as well?)

And how the hell did you get Elvis Presley's daughter to marry you without The King rearing up from his grave to whup you upside the head, thankyouverymuch?

Mysteries, one and all.

But that doesn't really help us here, does it, Mike? Does it explain what was going on inside your Botox soaked brain during playtime at Neverland?

No, I didn't think so.

Not to worry, though. I'm sure you've got the best lawyers that The Beatles catalogue can buy. Too bad Cochran's dead because I would have loved to have heard his closing argument.

"Ladies and gentlemen, if the penis don't fit, you must acquit."

Anyway, Mike, I just wanted to write this letter to you and get a few things off my chest.

I could have said a lot more but I think I can sum it all up for ya right now:

You ain't worth the two cents.


Chuck DiMaria is Los Angeles based musician, actor and antiMUSIC columnist (his resume goes on). Check out his website ChuckDiMaria.com for more of his writings, MP3s and more (be sure to read about his adventures in online dating!!) Plus be sure check out the site for his band Under Pressure.