antiGUY's Back to School
Special
Warning
from the editors. Following antiGUY's advice WILL lead to
suspensions, expulsion, arrest, unwanted pregnancy, holes in the ozone
layer, depletion of brain cells, fights, groundings, failing grades, dui's,
loss of all your friends, plus many other bad things. So if you are stupid
enough to take antiGUY's advice we can not be held responsible
Its that time of the year again. Summer
is over, no more late night parties, lazy days in the sun. You are doomed
to another 9 months of Education. Well antiGUY cares about your education,
so I put together these tips for you to use in the new year.
1) Teachers love to see their students
trying. So always raise your hand even when you dont know the answer.
For example the teacher asks Who was the sixth President of the United
States?. Well the nerd sitting next you would say John Q. Adams", but
if you didn't know, then it is perfectly ok to answer Charles Manson.
2)After you get that first report card
with grades ranging from As (P.E.) to Fs (history and English) tell your
parents you are just trying to be a well rounded student by collecting
a variety of letters.
3)You can sleep with your eyes open. Especially
in Economics class.
4)Remember the popular kids are only popular
amongst themselves. It is real easy to destroy their reputations,
just start vicious rumors about them and they will be out of the In Crowd
in no time. For example, walk by the biggest gossip in school with
your friends and blurt out, Did you hear that (insert head cheerleaders
name) got pregnant this summer? She couldn't figure out who the father
was so she had the whole foot ball team chip in for her abortion.
My girlfriend in school did this and it worked like a charm, by the end
of the week the girl transferred out of the
school in disgrace.
5)Always sit next to a geek. They may not
be much fun to socialize with but they are great for cheating off of.
6) Contrary to popular myth teachers don't
want apples from their students, they would much rather have hard currency.
$200 is the going rate for a C, As will cost you around $500.
7)Show your school spirit. At the prep
rally before the Big Game take some shoe polish and write the schools
name on your
stomach, then take off all your cloths
and streak the school.
8)Vodka in an Evian bottle looks and smells
just like water.
9)If you happen to get in a fight always
get the first punch in, aim right for the other guys family jewels, Winning
is what is important, no one cares how you do it.
10)Always try to combine homework assignments.
Candid photos of the girls locker room after cheer leader practice, just
might qualify for extra credit in photo journalism and biology class.
Well that's all the wisdom I have for today.
Remember, its better to be infamous rather than popular.
|
