with DeadSun

You've seen him in Fan Speak all around the antiMUSIC network, now DeadSun gets his big show as the host of his very own talk show,  The Not Quite-So DeadShow ! Forget Oprah and Dr. Phil, DeadSun knows how to liven up a talk show. 

disclaimer for lawyers and dumbasses: Please read the disclaimer before proceeding with this article. the disclaimer is included here-in by reference.

If you are under the age of 17, this article is not meant for you so please bugger off. For those too lazy to click what follows is parody and celebrity assholes are impersonated

I love music. I love what it represents. I make it a point to invest a not inconsiderable percentage of what I earn towards the purchase of music recordings. 

As a rule, I have always refrained from downloading music for free--- not because of the recent legal firestorm surrounding the practice, but because I realize that the life of the so-called “rock star” is a far cry from what it is cracked up to be. What most of us visualize as a charmed life of private jets, mansions in the hills, and butlers named “Cadby”, is more often a life in a van, Ramen noodles seven days a week, and club owners looking to cheat you out of every red cent they can. Yet these musicians are out there, night after night--- and what a notion that, at least at that level, they could only be doing it for the love of doing it. I perceive that enthusiasm comes through the feel and sound of the music in earnest--- there is a sincerity which cannot be faked when the band is still “hungry”, so to speak.  

This leads me to--- at least to me--- a particularly vexing phenomenon, one which always has and always will be a thorn in my side. It isn’t a phenomenon that has just come down the pike, per say, but is clearly one that seems to be sprouting like lettuce fresh from Satan’s own garden. I call it the “2nd career cash in”. The meaning behind it is simple: some actor or actress makes a few hit movies--- maybe even ONE--- or is cast in a hit TV series and--- PRESTO--- they are suddenly “worthy” of a record contract. 

History demonstrates that this idea is one that can easily be argued as an idea that deserves condemnation. Who among us could POSSIBLY hold back their nausea at this infamous list of “musicians”: Hillary Duff, Kelly Osbourne, David Hasselhoff, Joey Lawrence, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Eddie Murphy, and Don Johnson (for Christ’s sake--- DON JOHNSON)? How about Patrick Swayze? We all loved the film Donnie Darko--- but who can bear the agony of hearing the entire length of “She’s Like the Wind”? To me, sitting through any of the aforementioned performances not only represents a bizarre, musical route canal procedure, but simultaneously irritates the ever-loving Hell out of me.   

Now, I DO realize that there are worse crimes against humanity when it comes to mainstream pop-culture, but this is something that really frosts my ass. How much raw talent goes unnoticed, year after year, that the powers that be can justify handing over coveted, hard to get recording contracts to persons who haven’t spent DAY ONE trying to make it in the music industry? Take the most recent perpetrator: Lindsay Lohan. Am I the only one who needs four aspirin and a sambuca double just thinking about this? 

Perhaps after she “launches a second career” as a teen pop sensation, she can MOVE TO THE FRONT OF LINE, ahead of the queue of non-celebrity athletes, who have spent years training and honing their skill, and play shortstop for a Major League Baseball team as well. Can she play baseball? I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.  

Sometimes, the 2nd career phenomenon works the other way as well. You understand, right? Some artist strikes gold with a few mega-hits, and suddenly they’re ready for the silver screen. Spice Girls, anyone? Apparently, being forced to endure pain-inducing piles of ass-drizzle like “Holler” and “Wannabe” just wasn’t enough. NOPE--- the citizens of planet Earth “needed” Spice World, too.

All of that having been said, what galls me more than anything when it comes to “second career cash-ins”, is that the love of music itself won’t factor into the equation. This is about image over substance. Verily, this is about buying Lindsay Lohan--- not music--- an act on par with purchasing any other piece of merchandise that has her name on it, which has been transparently timed to follow up the success of “Mean Girls”. In fact, I would LOVE to hear from someone who could effectively argue that, if allowed to put a different name and face on the cover, this product would be marketable AT ALL. It wouldn’t--- except for the three people who might buy it--- the “artist”, and the artist’s two parents.  

I believe in merit, and I believe in a system of advancement that is based on merit--- not just in music, but in all branches of life, whether it happens to be law, medicine, sculpting, etc. Now I ask: based upon WHICH merits do you feel Ms. Lohan was granted a recording contract?

… it’s okay, you can answer honestly. The rest of us know already.

Wherever we fail to employ merit as the standard by which quality is judged, there we find mediocrity.

Until next month, this is DS, signing off.

DS   
 
 
 

Your turn. 

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