with DeadSun
You've seen him in Fan Speak all around
the antiMUSIC network, now DeadSun gets his big show as the host of his
very own talk show, The Not Quite-So DeadShow ! Forget Oprah and
Dr. Phil, DeadSun knows how to liven up a talk show.
 .
.
Join
the Revolution : Buy My Stuff! - A Deaditorial
Hello out there in Revolution land!
Are you restless?
Are you tired and frustrated, because the
guy down the road makes more money than you? You ARE? Well who ISN’T? Have
you been yearning to rise up, and take the fight to the evil, privileged
class, who runs the world behind the scenes? We all know how these capitalist
swine are--- arrogant, stodgy, gluttonous fat-cats--- you’ve all been put
to sleep by centuries of lies and deceits.
Are you ready for some REAL change?
Are you ready for a People’s Revolution?
Well you’ve come to the right place. This
is where the Revolution begins! It’s FAST! It’s EASY! Right now, I’ll bet
you’re all half-crazed with excitement, saying “OH GOD, DEADSUN! Tell me
how to be a part of the fight against the System!”
( Opens a large cardboard box )
Just buy my music and merchandise!
That’s right, ladies and gentlemen… for
only $18.95, YOU TOO can stand up against the corporate pigs who spend
all of their time lulling you into an endless cycle of mindless consumerism.
Just open your wallets--- it’s THAT easy! Take my band’s debut release,
for instance : “Red Star, Bloody Star”. For the same amount of money as
it would cost you to buy into some fat-cat profiteer’s band, you get a
FULL forty seven minutes of music, straight from the soul of the proletariat
vanguard!
--- and REMEMBER… for an additional $4.95,
you can get our super, deluxe, Karl Marx keychain. The keychain sports
the likeness of the late, great prophet of our movement, and over his head
reads the caption : “Hey! Ho! Their system has to go!”
… but the great giveaway bargains DON’T
STOP THERE!
For just $24.95, you’ll strike a MIGHTY
blow to the imperialist pigs, as you hang out at the mall in this hand-crafted,
very trendy, non-materialistic Che Guevara T shirt. Only $24.95! WOW!
Isn’t it time YOU stood up to the slavery
that holds us back everyday?
Well, what are you waiting for? I’ve got
posters for $15.00! I’ve got buttons for $3.99 each! I’ve even put Chairman
Mao’s loveable face on edible underwear! So COME ON DOWN to the DeadShow…
we’ve got more Revolutionary music and merchandise than you can shake a
manifesto at!
Maybe a few posters and cds ISN’T enough?
Maybe you REALLY mean business, and really want to gain a decisive victory
against the ghastly bourgeoise? Well NOW YOU CAN! That’s right…just buy
our Premium Underground Anti-Capitalist Starter Kit… already a value in
its own right, we’re practically GIVING THEM AWAY at $89.95 EACH! You’ve
got the DeadSun Guarantee on this one, ladies and gents. You’ll get so
swept up with your new anti-bourgoise lifestyle, you might even further
the cause against the system by starting your own band, and wind up touring
the country in a super-Revolutionary MTV tour bus. All for only $89.95!
HOW ABOUT THAT!
Just picture it… sticking it to the profiteers,
the nice cars and music videos, fighting off the oppressive capitalist
regime, the big house in the hills, bringing about the demise of private
ownership, the sold out concerts and stylish berets, leading the charge
against the slave-owning corporatists, and warning the masses against the
evils of materialism--- all through the sale of YOUR anti-capitalist music
and merchandise. DOWN WITH THE SYSTEM, YEAH!
Maybe you think you’re too old for Revolutionary
Socialism--- past your prime, and all that? You probably think the Revolution
is only for attention-starved mall rats, and uptight university students,
right? WRONG.
Not if DeadSun can help it!
I’m here to present for you--- for the
FIRST TIME ANYWHERE--- an offer JUST for all of you aspiring, middle-aged
Revolutionaries out there. It is with great pride and honor that DeadSun
Productions Ltd, in affiliation with Time Gold Classics, presents :
“Lenin Love : A Collection of the World’s
Most Cherished Socialist Love Songs”
That’s right folks, pick up the phone,
and order TODAY. With “Lenin Love”, you’ll forever be able to ignite
those tender Revolutionary moments with that special someone--- all captured
on this beautifully packaged, 2 disc set, for just $34.95. “Lenin Love”
is packed full of some of the socialist movement’s most endearing musical
moments--- moments that are guaranteed to fan the embers of dialectical
materialism.
Just have a look at this list of golden
hits!
“Save All of Your Bolshevik Love for
Me”
“You Have a Hold on My Central Planning
Committee”
“Just You and Me (and Lenin’s Roaming
Hands)”
*Can you feel the romance in that one?*
“This Aching Politburo in My Heart”
“Let’s Fall in Non-Materialistc Love
All Over Again”
“You Touch Me in My Worker’s Cooperative”
*Beautiful… just… beautiful.”
“Only Che Guevara Could Keep Our Love
Apart”
“I’ll Stand in a Government Line for
Your Love”
“Your Love is a Rose (Covered in Stalin
Pricks)”
*AND WHO AMONG US hasn’t been touched
to the core by this next timeless classic?*
“This Forced Labor Camp Between our
Sheets”
Folks, this list could go on and on. When
you pick up that phone, and reserve YOUR own copy of “Lenin Love”,
you become a special part of the warmth and charm that only Revolutionary
Socialism can bring. So PLEASE--- don’t wait any longer. Have your EZ Credit
or Cash Xpress credit card ready… no CODs, please… and order your copy
of “Lenin Love”, for only $34.95. Call 1-800-COM-L-O-V-E.
Isn’t it time and your lover discovered
the bittersweet, romantic side of a state controlled economy?
CALL NOW! That’s 1-800-COM-L-O-V-E.
Start a Revolution in your bedroom today!
( See you next month, kiddies. Hope
you enjoyed my little vignette. Have a great October. This is the DeadSun,
signing off. )
Your
turn.
Fan
Speak:
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