with DeadSun

You've seen him in Fan Speak all around the antiMUSIC network, now DeadSun gets his big show as the host of his very own talk show,  The Not Quite-So DeadShow ! Forget Oprah and Dr. Phil, DeadSun knows how to liven up a talk show. 

disclaimer for lawyers and dumbasses: Please read the disclaimer before proceeding with this article. the disclaimer is included here-in by reference.

If you are under the age of 17, this article is not meant for you so please bugger off. For those too lazy to click what follows is parody and celebrity assholes are impersonated

Are you one of the world’s hopeless romantics? 

You just want to love, and hold, and woo that special girl, don’t you? 

Of COURSE you do. We all do--- and no one understands this better than we do, here at Dead Gold Classics Ltd. If you want to feel the love as deeply as we know you can, and if you want that special someone in YOUR life to understand just how deeply you care, than LOOK NO FURTHER, because we at Dead Gold Classics have a message for all of you lovers out there: 

“In love, music begins where words leave off.”

Only a fool would dispute those beautiful words, and that is EXACTLY what Dead Gold Classics had in mind, when we set out to formulate a collection of songs for you and her to fall in love to--- songs that will warm your hearts like that long walk on a moonlit beach. After the overwhelming response here at antiMUSIC to other timeless Dead Gold Classics, such as “Non-Offensive Rock: Volume One”, we are proud to present, for the first time ANYWHERE:

“Death Metal Romance: The Ultimate Love Collection

 That’s right, folks--- nothing, and I mean NOTHING--- is going to bring out the animal lover in you in quite the way that Death Metal Romance can. 

Think back--- remember those golden, happy times you and your girl shared? 

That quiet, candlelit dinner for two; the chicken Kiev and green vegetable medley pairing exquisitely with the Sauvignon Blanc, and the twinkling, endearing melody of Pungent Stench’s “Shrunken and Mummified Bitch” playing gently through your hi fi. 

You really can feel that one down in the cockles of your heart can’t you? 

I’ll bet you can.

Folks, when you pick up the phone and order your copy of Death Metal Romance: The Ultimate Love Collection, you’re not just getting a bunch of songs--- you’re getting the background soundtrack for some of the most tender and loving moments that you will share with that special someone. Just take a gander at this sentimental list of all the best love ballads that death metal has to offer:

Necrophagia: “Lust of the Naked Dead” 

Gents--- it is a song like this that truly holds the promise to fan the flames of her romantic fires. When lust is in the air between a man and a woman, it is simply missing something without “the naked dead”. 

Death: “Open Casket” 

This is one that really gets the ladies on the dance floor--- aching for one of those slow dances, when you hold each other tightly. 

Carcass: “Manifestation of Varicose Urethra” 

A haunting selection for the more sophisticated and medically inquisitive among women, the sheer inner beauty of this song really blooms when timed with the serving of appetizers. 

Obituary: “Chopped in Half” 

I think we can all agree that--- when you search for ways to show her just how deeply you pine for her gentle embrace and soft caresses, a song about being severed at the torso is really the best option going. 

Visceral Bleeding: “Indulge in Self Mutilation”

Like moon kissed dew on the petals of a rose, this is the kind of song that causes the feeling of that first kiss to come rushing back. 

Six Feet Under: “Hacked to Pieces” 

Trying to capture the affections of the girl who stole your heart away? A bouquet and Belgian chocolates will only get you so far. When you’re ready to whip her into a love making frenzy, you’ll be well served to enchant her with this gorgeous ode to bloody dismemberment. The women are crazy for this kind of romantic music, I tell you. 

… and now for the one that will have you reaching for your charge card, while stampeding to your telephone, folks.

Cannibal Corpse: “F*cked With a Knife” 

There’s no telling what steaming moments of passion will ignite in the bedroom after she hears this one.

So why hesitate, gents? 

Pick up that phone, and reserve your copy of Death Metal Romance: The Ultimate Love Collection TODAY--- and soon you and that special someone will be falling in love all over again to the kind of tender and intimate moments which only death metal can bring on. Operators are standing by, so have your credit card information ready, and call 1 - 800- 666 – L O V E, that’s 1 – 800 – 666 – L O V E.

Call NOW!

DS 
 
 
 

Your turn. 

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