with DeadSun

You've seen him in Fan Speak all around the antiMUSIC network, now DeadSun gets his big show as the host of his very own talk show,  The Not Quite-So DeadShow ! Forget Oprah and Dr. Phil, DeadSun knows how to liven up a talk show. 

disclaimer for lawyers and dumbasses: Please read the disclaimer before proceeding with this article. the disclaimer is included here-in by reference.

If you are under the age of 17, this article is not meant for you so please bugger off. For those too lazy to click what follows is parody and celebrity assholes are impersonated

It happened last week. 

I arrived at the conclusion that, in a treatment consistent with every other novel idea that emerges from our culture, the idea of symphonic, classical, and string quartet tributes to the music of popular recording artists has propagated itself ad naseum. By virtue of this sickness we have, whereby we take an idea that "catches on"--- and mass produce said idea at the utmost volume that the very Laws of Physical science will permit--- classically inspired tributes are , ergo, no longer fresh, daring, insightful, meaningful, provocative, bold, and challenging to our preconceived notions of musical convention.

I suppose another way of putting it would be as such: 

They suck. We are now at the stage where it's a marketing tool to hump a few more extra greenbacks out of your wallet, kiddo. It's f*cking silly, damn near surreal (and not in a vigorously fascinating way), and happens to border on f*cking insipidity. Fifteen years of this nonsense is enough. 

And why shouldn't it be time to say "enough is enough"? Take a look around, for Christ's sake! If there are any semi-well known bands who do not--- I repeat--- do not have their own classically inspired tribute compact disc out for sale, I would like the two of you to come forward, and I promise that I will do everything in my power to help you get one out to the retail outlets. Just imagine how awful it must be for original artists who aren't able to market their product just like every other jack off on God's green earth. The horror! 

I also put forward the assertion that some of YOU who are reading these very words may, in point of fact, have your own chamber music tribute cd out, and not even be cognizant of it. You probably think it's a ludicrous statement. How far fetched is it really, though? Hmm? 

After all--- if Pink Floyd, Jimi Hendrix, NSYNC, Kansas, AC/DC, Rush, Chevelle, Bruce Springsteen, Yanni, Korn, Weezer, Bon Jovi, U2, Slayer, My Chemical Romance, Hoobastank, Fleetwood Mac, Metallica, Good Charlotte, Hawthorne Heights, Linkin' Park, Oasis, Radiohead, Tool, Alanis Morissette, The Who, Bjork, the Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, John Mayer, Mudvayne, Gwen Stefani, Nickelback, Audioslave, Matchbox 20, Simple Plan (are you f*cking shittin' me? ), Clay Aitken, Black Sabbath, Aerosmith, Beyonce, Garth Brooks, Fallout Boy, Creed (yep, I just blew breakfast back up too), Foo Fighters, and the coup de grace... Limp Bizkit--- if they can have classically inspired tribute cds, I'd say the odds that you're due for one are surprisingly decent.

As a matter of fact, I have a special announcement to make. I've just gotten word on this, and I would be delighted to share this joyous, glowing orb of news with all of you. This coming April will see the release of the next original, brilliant, artistically bold event in the timeline of the "let's put everything that f*cking moves to an orchestral string arrangement" craze that's sweeping the planet:

"The Bits of Spinach in DeadSun's Bowel Movements: A Symphonic Tribute"

What can I say? I was moved to tears myself. Never before have the quasi-digested, vegetal bits of matter in my stool been showcased by such an opulent, vivid tapestry of musical cloth. 

This, I am told, is soon to be followed by what might possibly be more classically inspired tributes to be held on equal footing with the aforementioned masterpiece: "A Baroque Harpsichord Tribute to the F*ckass in Front of Me, Who Can't Order a God Damn Coffee in Under Ten Minutes". And I'm certain there are few among us who aren't wriggling with electrified anticipation for the release of "A Chamber Orchestra Tribute to the Flatulent, Toothless Crackhead Asking Me for Spare Change". 

Isn't high art beautiful?

Stop this cheapened, ubiquitous, mass-produced, cultural abortion before it's too late. 

See you next month, my fellow malcontents.

DS 
 
 
 

Your turn. 

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