I put the dossiers together and Fed-ex’d
them overnight to the talent agent and awaited a response. I thought
he would be pleased with the candidates I came up with. Surely one of them
would be perfect for the job.
Much to my dismay I did hear from the talent
agent the next day and he spent twenty minutes cursing me over the phone
and refused to pay my fee since he said I botched the job so badly. It
turns out that I misunderstood the apparently illiterate frontman of the
group’s statement about wanting to find the “illist guitar player known
to man”.
Turns out that when he said “illist” he
was using the outdated rap slang meaning best. Since I am not too familiar
with rap jargon and haven’t heard that term used in years, I simply didn’t
understand that he wasn’t being literal.
I closed the case at the point and eventually
had to sue the talent agent to receive my fee. The court did find in my
favor since I had a contract and the judge found that the instructions
I was given containing the “illist” guitar player requirement were misleading.
As I turn this story into my friends over
at antiMUSIC, that group still has not found their illist guitar player.
But the apparently illiterate frontman has claimed that he didn’t really
need one since he had been the mastermind behind ALL of the group’s music
from day one and they proceeded to record the new album without a permanent
guitarist. I don’t know about you but I doubt I will be picking up
a copy of that new album when it comes out unless I wanted to experience
the true meaning of "ill".
Until next time this is Dirk Spenser--
Rock Detective signing off.
Fan
Speak - Your Turn, What do you think?
Fan
Speak:
Posted by S:
Lol. Fred Durst is a dumbass, ihatefreddurst.com is a super site :) And yes, no guitarist with any self-respect would join that pathetic excuse for a band.
Posted by Chronic:
Fred durst is a f*cking faggot, and what kind of good guitar player in their right mind would join limp bizkit??? its a mystery to me...
Posted by Smotz:
Please join the anti-fred durst movement.
Posted by Jason:
dude thats some pretty sick Sh*t, but funny as hell. the cancer patients and Hiv patients should'v sued Fred Durst for misleading you lol. anywho ya they got the guitarist from Snot. i feel sorry for him. not even a force of nature could save Limp Bizkit.
Posted by ritalin:
great stuff dirk.
Posted by Dirk:
We know the new guitarist is full of snot but is he the "illist" guitarist on the planet? Took him long enough to find a new job.
Posted by K.H.A.:
Hey a$$holes, LB found a guitarist so u guys can just shut tha f*ck up and kiss my a$$! Mike Smith Rules!
Posted by speaker of truths:
That was the most hilarious thing I've read in some time, Bravo!
Posted by Dreamy Rover:
So... heck... why can't LIMP BIZKIT find a guitarist? Hmm... because 'terminally ill' or 'illest' guitarists die before they think of joining hands with Fred Durst. And the 'Best' guitarists wouldn't be so 'ill' to join LIMP BIZKIT. Ha ha... no self-respecting guitarist with any degree of caliber of playing guitar would join LB. So you can still love Fred back and kick (not kiss) his ass!
Posted by Mr. huh? saying, "My Generation Sucks!":
I love the homosexual undertones of the albums that you pointed out.
Posted by GREENMUSE:
im only slightly ill would i work?i think ive got tahitian skelatal herpes,its quite rare and highly contagious.plus i can play powee chords like no bodies business.i love that outdated slang
Posted by Mr. huh? saying, "My Generation Sucks!":
F*cking funny as hell Dirk.
Posted by Batman:
Ha-ha...you see it's funny, 'cause he misunderstood the word "ill"...which can mean sick...eh...and can maean...uh...so it's like a pun...never mind.
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