Is it a hit, *hit or miss?
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Steriogram
- Schmack!
by Brad Podray
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Steriogram
- Schmack!
Label: Capitol
Rating:  
Prepare to groove to songs written with
that old mentality of rock songwriting, where you could be catchy without
being cheap. Prepare to experience some well-thought out singing
that serves to capture you and wrap you up in the musical experience. Prepare
to hear a band that’s geared towards a pop-rock mentality that you might
actually like. Prepare to- what the hell is this? These vocals
suck.
I wish I could put it more gently.
Now I’m not talking about the singer. I’m talking about the rapper.
Steriogram is sitting there producing quite respectable music, and then
this rapper starts jabbering in the way that only a quirky white man can.
Clearly this band is trying to capitalize on the rock/rap combo that’s
become so popular, but they’re doing it on a level that’s about as obnoxious
as having a circus clown continually throw vials of deadly yet colorful
bubonic plague at your face. So this is why the African American
community gets to make fun of us white boys so much. Now I see it!
If Steriogram ever achieves widespread popularity, it’ll be a crippling
blow to the great deal of hip-hop respectability that Eminem gave to the
white community. This CD, entitled “Schmack!,” sounds like a slightly-better
than average pop-punk band that’s been marred by some incredibly obnoxious
rapper who busts in right when you think you might be enjoying anything
about the music. They’re doing to pop-punk what Linkin Park did to electronically-influenced
rock and it’s abysmal. This is worse than Linkin Park. If you’re
a Linkin Park fan you’ll probably agree. If you’re a Linkin Park
hater, then you’ll truly understand the severity of this comment.
I’m not sure if the rapper and the singer
are the same guy, but it really doesn’t matter, because regardless of the
answer- the bottom line is that the rap is killing this band.
Let me take this moment to say that every other aspect of “Schmack!” is
completely respectable. From the mellow heartstrings plucked in the
beginning of “Be Good to Me” to a few cool moments in the rocked-out “Walkie
Talkie Man,” Steriogram proves their songwriting competence. This
review could laud certain moments of the album with plenty of praise, yet
each compliment would have to have a “well the rapper just went and ruined
that one” at the end of it. For instance, listen to seconds 27 through
31 of the final track, “On and On.” You’ll hear a decent, ear-grabbing
riff and a rocking but not harsh vocal line. If you happen to accidentally
allow the song to continue, consider your listening experience duly ruined.
I equate the listening experience of “Schmack!” to having my head being
submerged over and over into a vat of pudding. It’s not very pleasing
and I have no idea why it’s going on…but I do know that I don’t want it
to happen again.
Sure to please- One out of every 50 Linkin
Park fans.
Sure to disappoint- Everybody else…including
Steriogram’s parents.
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