Hilary Fluff - Most Wanted

I am SOOO tempted to write this is the style you Hilary fans are so accustomed to, substituting 8s & glyphs & symbols for letters into words, & mixing up all the capital letters & little letters. Sorry, I think this is against antiMusic policy & I am limited to only one use of such creative writing.

What does it mean when an album is NUMBER ONE IN THE UNIVERSE!?!?!?!?!

Obviously, it means the CD in question is of the highest quality, the absolute best thing that exists on planet earth right now. When you wanna be like everyone else, what is the only appropriate action to take in response? That's right! Rush out & buy it & buy it & buy it till your credit card screams in pain! This CD is the best-named CD of all time, as well. She is the most wanted, cuz she is so GREAT!!

So I decided to review it, for the benefit of the four people left on the planet who haven't yet heard the wonderfully brilliant, talented, excellent, superior to everything else CD by Hilary Duff, the bestest artiste in the entire universe, as record sales clearly indicates.

So here we go! Jam that bubblegum into your mouth & strap on yer rolley eyes sunglasses, this is gonna be fun!

First up is a song that hints at the intelligence behind the music with her song, (which she sings all by herself, I might add) "Wake Up", which is about her incredibly brutal life, clawing her way to the top in the face ruthless opposition, relentless media distortions, catfights with other talented divas of pop & movies. This first song will have you weeping till you bleed at the hardship it really must be to be Hilary Duff! I can't write about this song any more, it just hurts too much....

Next up, "The Getaway" is a much sunnier dive into the pop river; with an eerie homage to being age appropriately frustrated at love & considering running away with the forty six year old lover she met on the internet, thinking he was a 16-year-old girl like her. Again, this song's sunny, poppy exterior masks the anguish & pain felt by young Hil, as she approaches her 16th or 17th birthday & now has to defend her manfriend against public disapproval, before finally deciding that it'd prolly be safest to just stay in school & hope one of her teachers turns out to be a male Mary Kay Letourneau. She likes 'em old & creepy, that's fo' sho'! Might as well sing about it & tell the whole world!!

The "Beat of My Heart" will have you thinking of the Go-Go's & any other band with a funny, rhyming or repetitive name. Boy, this girl can rhyme!! I can't wait till she hooks up with M&M for a pop rap release! She can teach him a thing or two about song writing, I think! Again, this song gives away the surprise cover version she does later on this, the best CD in the world.

Her next song was probably my favoritist in the whole entire universe, it made me hope she starts selling shoes so I can buy 17 pairs!! It's called "Come Clean" & it flat out ROCKS!! This song is the reason she is the best singer/ artist/ rhymer in the world. I defy you to listen to it 87 times like I did & prove your admiration for this talented little kid!!

Her next song, "Mr. James Dean" was confusing to me. I bet it was for her too. After all, it's not many 15 or 16-year-old girls that know who this is outside the breakfast table. So obviously, the delays that the lyrics of this song caused, which nearly threatened to wipe out this entire project & push the release date back to Christmas ultimately showed the professionalism of the young Miss Duff. When grownups 4 times her age are out throwing eggs at performers while they perform, Hil soldiers on nobly, ignoring the fact that she doesn't really understand the subject matter she sings about. What an example to her generation as well as to all of us!

"So Yesterday" is all about her fight with her sisters & brothers over who has to hang out the laundry & do the dishes, (I think). She is so tough & brave to stand up to not only critics outside her family, but even from the internal conflict that no doubt heavily influenced her writing. The tune this one is sung to, also is impeccable. She is so honest & ethical, if she were a mechanic, I'd want her to fix my cars, as all of her stuff (except for the song that reminded me of the Go Gos) shows her commitment to not ripping off other artists like whoever is big in the world of pop right now.

"Metamorphosis" is her loverly ode to the cocoon she found outside her window one day, & the absolutely fascinating world of butterflies. Maybe Discovery Channel has finally lured her away from the magical world of Nickelodeon with the fat 3 CD deal they are rumored to have offered her, for her vast contributions to science. If she doesn't end up with a MacArthur Grant, I will be shocked! Not only is she musically talented, the girl is smart, quick to put aside her personal feelings, whether in the area of romance, or historical confusion, in order to ensure that the show goes on at all costs! Where can we submit names for the next big award show?

"Rock this World" Is another jammin thrash fest that might just wear ya out if yer not careful!! She rocks so hard that when news in upcoming weeks of her trying out for a spot in Into the Moat comes available, no one who reads this will be surprised. In fact, anyone who has access to her email address, please send her the Day In Rock which announced this need ItM has, she'll fit in great with them, won't she? 

"Break my Heart" is all about how deeply it cuts to be wounded in love at such a tender age, which was a suppressed story about how this tragedy in her life pushed her to the brink of madness, addictions, and finally, institutionalization. Poor Hil is doing quite good now, and is slowly relearning how to eat with a spoon & take care of her own toilet needs, FINALLY!! A song like this, with its heartbreaking honesty, WILL NOT have you bursting out laughing, as I confess, I did on accident. If you are of the right age demographic, it might possibly capture your heart & squeeze hard it in your sympathy again, for someone truly deserving of sympathy.

"Fly" was Hil's update on how her pilot's lessons & testing is going now that her life is back on track for the most part. Amazing that a girl too young to drive a car will soon be unleashed on the skies! If she assaults the great blue yonder the way she assaults pop fans, she should be an explosive success!

"Girl can Rock": was either a duet with Gwen Stefani, or a musical fan letter to her, I'm pretty sure. It sure sounded like the new direction Gwen is going, and exactly like Gwen's loverly, beautiful singing! Oh to be so talented that you can effortlessly duplicate the voices of other, well established singers! Too bad they don't still make "Police Academy" movies; she'd be a natural in that, teaming up with that human sound effects guy, wouldn't she?

Next comes "Our Lips are Sealed", which made the earlier Go Gos-esque song perfectly natural! Little Hillary musta been listening to whatever CD that released that song on, & it prolly got jammed in her CD player & she had to listen to it all the way to the recording studio, which couldn't help but steer the direction of that sing. Perfect! That the Go Gos were a major influence on her, in this age where the oldest band anyone listens to is U2, just proves Hil is one of a kind, not afraid to be different, even listening to stuff from the uncivilized 1980s, a time period from WAY before she was born.

Her next song, "Why Not", builds on that truth: it's all about pushing boundaries & shattering stereotypes. For instance, how many other little singing girls exist with long yellow hair & 'come hither' looks on their CD case? Really, what are there, ten at the most? Obviously the genre of "pEdOpHiLiA pOp" as our editor Keavin calls it is surprisingly barren, with major league defections from Brittney & Christina & Jessica all becoming grown up ladies & mommies. That leaves an already woefully understaffed field even more bereft of the talent that so many seek out. And obviously fans the world over notice how Hillary stands out from the crowd, and they reward that individualistic streak by buying up her CD like doggies enthusiastically lapping from a toilet bowl!! 

Yummy! Buy this soon, before martial law is declared on your local record store when rioting fans buy up all they have in stock & try to burn the building to the ground for the management being so foolish as to RUN OUT OF THESE!!!

BUY!! NOW!!! LOTSA!!!

Hilary Fluff - Most Wanted

Label:Disney
Rating:

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About "Let's Get Dolly": In January (2005) antiMusic readers were introduced to a colorful writer known as Dolly Doppelganger when her Veridical Polemic column debuted. That column almost never happened, but Dolly pestered us until we relented and gave her a chance. The results speak for themselves. You may not know this but Dolly originally applied for a reviewer position. Fast forward to mid-January, antiGuy asked me if we had any CDs to review that have been sitting around for a while.  I named a few and he shook his head and said, "I'll pass, I don't know who you would get to review some of those!" As those words escaped his lips, the solution came to me, "Let's get Dolly! She loves everything!" So, I gave Dolly a few CDs to try out her reviewing skills on and what I got back is classic Dolly. You may not learn much about the actual CDs, and you will learn far too much about Dolly's ideas but in the end if you are a Dolly fan you'll love her latest contributions to antiMusic. If you are looking for regular reviews of these cds, look somewhere else. Dolly don't play that. - Keavin Wiggins, Editor antiMusic.com

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