Rolling Stones - A Bigger Bang 

In an effort to encourage fair competition practices, Congress has announced that whenever a pop tardlette releases a new CD, the Rolling Stones are obligated to release one too, no matter how tired, old, or uninspired they are.

So with the release of Bigger Bang, The RS Corp, Inc. wheezes through a full 16-song track list dedicated to educating their 4 generations of fans on the things they've learned in their 80 years on this planet.

The album's title reveals that the ancient grampas of folk music are slowly starting to catch on to a thing or two, sonny boy. Additionally, they seem to want to be nominated for a country music award, since they have won so much stuff over the years, this would make a wonderful addition to their guesthouse's cabana. I think maybe their first song, "Rough Justice might have been written for Farm Aid, since it's a countryish song with lyrics about farm animals. Boy, you don't get more rockin' than that!!

The aging monoliths also write songs dedicated to their favorite nursing home attendants, called "Let Me Down Slow". It's rare these days that rock stars would be so gracious to their employees that they'd write & dedicate an entire song to them! That fact alone makes this album worthy of purchase, even if you listened to the samples & thought it sucked! Buy many to show rock stars that the type of music isn't important; it's the heart behind it that truly matters!

All of their songs on here really reflect the guys new slowed down lifestyle. They play carefully, not wanting to upset their cardiologist by getting too wild! This is another great reason to buy lots of this album! People in the entertainment industry rarely have health insurance, I just betcha. So every time you buy an album by someone advanced in years, you are helping them live on their fixed income & making things like bypass surgery & other age related medical procedures affordable! Therefore, I think you can write it off on your taxes as a charitable deduction. Try it with your next tax return & let me know if it works, I bought 2000 of these CDs!

I think RS Corp. Inc. like Lynyrd Skynyrd, and apparently listened to their CDs the entire time they were recording theirs. What an honor & a tribute, to have the patriarchs of rock not cover your material, but really emulate it! This brings me to the only criticism I have of this entire CD. If you're going to really flatter someone by copying their sound, the whole world is going to applaud that artistic decision. After all, today's kids have no idea about anything that's not right in front of their face. How would some teenager even know about other bands if these guys, beloved by everyone the world over, didn't pay homage to them & introduce it to the masses? But all that aside, then these songs would really be your centerpieces. Why then would you use tired old clichés to encourage young people to invest & be patient? OH! I get it! That's brilliant! By using tired old phrases that everyone has heard billions of times, The RS Conglomerate Inc. Corp. is reminding the world that they alone are still rocking & will be well into their 90s! 

Yeah! Like the cliché that you've heard from your childhood & will never go away, no matter how old, tired, or uninspired it is, so too are the Inc. RS Corp.

Well, I'd write more about this most excellent album of the last hundred years, but I think it'd be better for you to stop reading & start buying! Even if you can't deduct it, since it's another CD by the RS Corp, you better buy it; you owe it to them for not only inventing rock & roll, but for still showing everyone how it's done all these years later! 

Rolling Stones - A Bigger Bang

Label:Jurassic Rock Records
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About "Let's Get Dolly": In January (2005) antiMusic readers were introduced to a colorful writer known as Dolly Doppelganger when her Veridical Polemic column debuted. That column almost never happened, but Dolly pestered us until we relented and gave her a chance. The results speak for themselves. You may not know this but Dolly originally applied for a reviewer position. Fast forward to mid-January, antiGuy asked me if we had any CDs to review that have been sitting around for a while.  I named a few and he shook his head and said, "I'll pass, I don't know who you would get to review some of those!" As those words escaped his lips, the solution came to me, "Let's get Dolly! She loves everything!" So, I gave Dolly a few CDs to try out her reviewing skills on and what I got back is classic Dolly. You may not learn much about the actual CDs, and you will learn far too much about Dolly's ideas but in the end if you are a Dolly fan you'll love her latest contributions to antiMusic. If you are looking for regular reviews of these cds, look somewhere else. Dolly don't play that. - Keavin Wiggins, Editor antiMusic.com

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