GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

Greetings and salutations, I would like, if I may, to take you on a strange journey, a journey to the deep, dark, and dank recesses of the mind. I’m talking about reality television. I know it’s beating a dead horse, but apparently the horse isn’t dead yet, maybe he will go for a walk. Because this drivel keeps reproducing itself in even more horrid forms than the next. There is reality dating shows, reality camping or whatever the hell survivor would be. And the latest trend, thank you MTV, is celebrity reality shows. It’s bad enough that the world has to be subjected to Ozzy’s bratty kids, and hear Kelly warble her way through “Papa Don’t Preach” and Ozzy being referred to as ”Ozzy of MTV’s Osbournes fame” but even those aren’t the most horrid manifestations of this lame trend. I am talking about. (key dramatic kettle drum music)the Anna Nicole show! ! 

Yes that Anna Nicole, the playboy centerfold who married a man older than George Burns and stands to inherit billions of dollars. For some reason since she is kinda famous, people must want to see her go about supposed daily life! I’m waiting for a zha zha gabor another person famous for little to no reason, show next (is she dead?) if so, my condolences, but I’m sure it would be better than Anna’s show. I can hear you asking, ”c’mon it cant be that bad! ”and my answer to you would be to run up to you, hold you firmly by the sides of the head while slowly drawing you close enough that our noses would touch, and then I would slowly nod and say ”yes. . . yes it is, run away while there’s still time! ”

Lets look a bit closer at this excuse for entertainment, one of the episodes I saw was of Anna looking at homes to buy. In between segments of the house hunting shenanigans we get Anna, herself commenting on what was going on, and she sounds normal, almost likeable. But in the excursions out and about she sounds drunk off her ass or something she’s riding down some road in California reading the street signs and replying with “____ I love you” in a bad Italian accent, then when she reaches a street called “Oldham” she says ”Oldham. . . you suck”. . Pure comedic genius, Monty Python’s Spanish inquisition sketch has nothing on this. She almost tripped over assorted things at least 3 times, was mistaken by some kids as shooting a porno(which admittedly was kinda funny), kneels on a diving board while the owner of the house asks her to jump in, and she says if he gives her his house. Then he keeps asking her to jump in, and he will give her the house, and she keeps saying “swear” in annoyingly drunken high pitched voice. I’m not skilled enough with words to really capture the swan song that is this television show, think early Courtney Love, in her transition from grunge girl to “glamour” girl, but less funny. 

I can only guess that the reason this show is such a late comer to the game is the masses had to be softened by the onslaught of the other reality shows before this swill could be endured by them, if you ever wanted a lobotomy, and didn’t want to pay those high fees, well now is your chance for free! I apologize for the overall shoddiness of my writing, but I’m still feeling the after effects of this sacrifice for my art. 
 

Fan Speak:
What do you think of this latest low for reality tv. How about we have a show about Greenmuse seeking out the perfect mullet, harassing stupid kids at the mall, discussing the meaning of life with Mr T. That would be a lot more fun then this dribble!

Fan Speak:

end