GREENMUSE is a regular reader
and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily
reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy
what he has to say!
Previous Musings
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Calgon, Take Me Away!
Greetings and salutations, I would like,
if I may, to take you on a strange journey, a journey to the deep, dark,
and dank recesses of the mind. I’m talking about reality television. I
know it’s beating a dead horse, but apparently the horse isn’t dead yet,
maybe he will go for a walk. Because this drivel keeps reproducing itself
in even more horrid forms than the next. There is reality dating shows,
reality camping or whatever the hell survivor would be. And the latest
trend, thank you MTV, is celebrity reality shows. It’s bad enough that
the world has to be subjected to Ozzy’s bratty kids, and hear Kelly warble
her way through “Papa Don’t Preach” and Ozzy being referred to as ”Ozzy
of MTV’s Osbournes fame” but even those aren’t the most horrid manifestations
of this lame trend. I am talking about. (key dramatic kettle drum music)the
Anna Nicole show! !
Yes that Anna Nicole, the playboy centerfold
who married a man older than George Burns and stands to inherit billions
of dollars. For some reason since she is kinda famous, people must want
to see her go about supposed daily life! I’m waiting for a zha zha gabor
another person famous for little to no reason, show next (is she dead?)
if so, my condolences, but I’m sure it would be better than Anna’s show.
I can hear you asking, ”c’mon it cant be that bad! ”and my answer to you
would be to run up to you, hold you firmly by the sides of the head while
slowly drawing you close enough that our noses would touch, and then I
would slowly nod and say ”yes. . . yes it is, run away while there’s still
time! ”
Lets look a bit closer at this excuse for
entertainment, one of the episodes I saw was of Anna looking at homes to
buy. In between segments of the house hunting shenanigans we get Anna,
herself commenting on what was going on, and she sounds normal, almost
likeable. But in the excursions out and about she sounds drunk off her
ass or something she’s riding down some road in California reading the
street signs and replying with “____ I love you” in a bad Italian accent,
then when she reaches a street called “Oldham” she says ”Oldham. . . you
suck”. . Pure comedic genius, Monty Python’s Spanish inquisition sketch
has nothing on this. She almost tripped over assorted things at least 3
times, was mistaken by some kids as shooting a porno(which admittedly was
kinda funny), kneels on a diving board while the owner of the house asks
her to jump in, and she says if he gives her his house. Then he keeps asking
her to jump in, and he will give her the house, and she keeps saying “swear”
in annoyingly drunken high pitched voice. I’m not skilled enough with words
to really capture the swan song that is this television show, think early
Courtney Love, in her transition from grunge girl to “glamour” girl, but
less funny.
I can only guess that the reason this show
is such a late comer to the game is the masses had to be softened by the
onslaught of the other reality shows before this swill could be endured
by them, if you ever wanted a lobotomy, and didn’t want to pay those high
fees, well now is your chance for free! I apologize for the overall shoddiness
of my writing, but I’m still feeling the after effects of this sacrifice
for my art.
Fan Speak:
What do you think of this latest low for
reality tv. How about we have a show about Greenmuse seeking out the perfect
mullet, harassing stupid kids at the mall, discussing the meaning of life
with Mr T. That would be a lot more fun then this dribble!
Fan
Speak:
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