GREENMUSE is a regular reader
and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily
reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy
what he has to say!
Plumbing The Depths
Of The Mallcore Mind. Vol. 1.
This month Ive taken it to the streets,
that is to say the mall. I printed up some business cards with some fake
music site dot-com logo, and brought one of those James Bond type tape
recorders and went to the mall to see what fun I could conjure. So here
Interviewee#1- Chris. a typical mall going
14 year old, shoulder length black hair with blond tips, wearing a slipknot
t shirt and huge ass jnco pants. Starts every sentence with dude,
I introduced myself as Arthur two sheds Jackson and prayed he never saw
the Monty Python sketch of the same name.
Me: Hi, Im Arthur two sheds
Jackson, can I ask you a few questions for www.realmetalmaggots.com? (apologies
if this is a real site. )Im doing interviews with people who I think
would fit in on our site.
Chris: Dude, sure. Whats
up with the two sheds thing?
Me: I was thinking of buying another
shed at one time. But I didnt and for some reason the name stuck. but
on with the questions. First, whats your favorite band?
Chris: Duuude, slipknot!! (raises
*I think to myself is this guy for
Me: Okay, and for what reasons?
Chris: Oh man, they just rock, I can really
get into their lyrics, and I really love Coreys growls.
Me: Yeah, they rock. What are some
of the other bands you are into?
Chris: I like the hardcore stuff,
you know like Saliva, Primer55, and Limp Bizkit.
Me: Since you said Limp Bizkit,
what do you think of the Fred and the pie incident? And what do you think
Chris: Dude, Im totally on Freds
side, if that kid punked me like that, I would have kicked his ass too.
People are just jealous of Freds ability, thats all.
Me: Word! How about N Sync, ya like
Chris: Are you retarded dude? I
fucking hate them!! They are ruining music with their fake shit. Slipknot
could take em all.
Me: They sure could. A few more
questions and Ill be on way, what do you think of people who call Slipknot
cheesy or mallcore?
Chris: Dude, I think they are intimidated
by Slipknots greatness, I mean these guys rock harder than anyone out
there. And many people like me , who are just fed up with the world, really
identify with the lyrics.
Me: How about the mask thing, do
you like that?
Chris: Yeah, I think its pretty
cool, it makes it kinda of mysterious in a way.
Me: What would you say if I told
you Im Mick 7?
Chris: Id call you a liar dude,
you dont have any hair!
Me: Its part of the mask, nobody
would expect a guy with no hair to be Mick 7.
Chris: I still dont believe you.
can you show me the mask?
Me: Do you think I carry the fucking
mask around all the time? Just to prove to little wannabes like you that
I am who I say U am? So you think I wear the boiler suit all the time too,
even when Im eating dinner with my mom? I should have known I couldnt
reveal myself to anyone.
Chris: Well (looks down, ashamed)
I guess you do have a point.
Me: You are damn right I got a point
but seriously, I gotta go, thanks for doing the interview.
Chris: Youre welcome dude, are
you, are you really him?
Me: Nah, I was just seeing what
you would do.
(After this it was all just more pointless
banter. ending in me calling Chris, a fat piece of crap for spilling his
almond dipping sauce for his pretzel on my pants. it was a fun day)
Conclusion: A rather boring trip
into a young mind, hungry for angry music, and masked mayhem. Perhaps we
can learn a lot from this, maybe we cant, but the important thing is,
these people are out there everyday, in every mall, in every school, behind
every school, puking their guts out after sneaking dads bottle of scotch
to school and shooting it behind the bleachers (thanks for the story Chris)
these kids are the future leaders of our country, the next zit faced kid
working at Spencers. This is the future; lets all salute the mallcore
kids of America!!
The End ?
Agree or Disagree?