GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

Greetings from your friend and humble narrator droogies, hope your month is going well, and all your underpants remain unsoiled. I was innocently sitting in the muselair watching some program on something, I forgot what it even was but i saw an ad for a film, it had mini coopers doing all sorts of stunts, and I thought, hmm these people are ripping off the classic film “the Italian job”(one of the best car chase films ever, plus old mini’s are just cool),and lo and behold it damn sure was a remake, which is Hollywood code for “this film is going to suck so bad, you can aim you butt to the screen and it will literally clean your colon out right here and now, and you wont even need to drop your trousers.” Then i flipped over to mtv2 and saw some band i didn’t stick around long enough to find out their name doing some tired sound that has been in use since at least the mid 70’s, and that my friends is the re, re, re, rehashing of a once vital musical movement, my beloved punk music. I’m not even sure where these bands come from that pop up on MTV and radio, at least sum41 and good charlotte have a somewhat tolerable sound when compared to these very contrived bands, and this is saying A LOT! 

punk has become the new “safe” music. Punk never, for that matter rock n roll of all genres, never is supposed to be safe. There is some commercial for some cleaning product or something stupid like that and it has some generic band tossing out the 3 chords and trademark nasal voiced singer like there’s no tomorrow. I guess its punk now to have clean floors. I personally pogo around with a broom with green dyed Bristol’s when I’m doing the old housework. I guess most genre’s of music have their time in the spotlight of being the safe, economically viable set of music, i guess i was shocked it wasn’t Ludacris or 50cent hocking the ad. Hip-hop’s been the safe music for ages, and it looks like its time is fading and the Pepsi Blue band was just too late in the numetal game to have had the great impact they were destined for. And for this we all should hang our heads in shame at this great loss we will probably all miss out on.

Now who really decides what the next safe music is going to be? Is it the record labels? Is it the masses? Is it a panel of chimps that are turbocharged? Possibly even the republicans?! Well all these are equally nefarious, but it’s actually the unlikely villain Wilfred Brimley! Wilfred discovered and promoted papa roach, and look at them now, doing soda commercials and laughing it up. Well at least as long as the nu metal trend continues to pulse. Wilfred is responsible for Moby’s success. Well Wilfred and the devil, even Wilfred’s powers weren’t enough to push Moby into the limelight. So now we have copycats doing the electronic things in their ads. See the annoying Mitsubishi ads with the girl “dancing”. Why you ask would Wilfred Brimley do such a thing? Well you see after the show “our house” was cancelled, Wilfred was bitter, very bitter and spent his nights in the red light districts of countless towns with many a young girl. One thing Wilfred couldn’t help but notice was the girls love of non threatening “rebel” type bands, so the seeds were sown for the all inclusive domination of Wilfred’s evil genius.
 

Greenmuse loves to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at greenmuse@antimusic.com (he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...) 
 

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