GREENMUSE is a regular reader
and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily
reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy
what he has to say!
Previous Musings
.
Greenmuse BBQ
(From antiMUSIC Editor Keavin Wiggins)
For the past three years Greenmuse has been sharing his wit, remarkable
imagination and his colorful personality with us here at antiMUSIC. It’s
hard to believe that it’s been three years already. GM wrote his first
article for us back in February of 2001, entitled “Punk Culture, or Lack
Thereof”. Since that time he has checked in every month with a different
tale.
Some months he took us on an adventure,
other months he tackled serious subjects, or brought us his unique perspective
on popular culture and still at other times he paid tribute to some of
the icons of music (Joe Strummer, Joey Ramone).
There have been many fine adventures with
Mr. Greenmuse. The tales of mullets, Mr. T., the need for change, the Jello
Biafra/Dead Kennedy’s controversy. He warned us about Canada’s sinister
plan to take over the world by using their secret agents; Celine Dion,
Sum41, Nickelback and the dreaded Advil Latrine! He even prophesied that
Marilyn Manson would become a teary-eyed televangelist.
He took us on a trip to the mall to see
what the kids are up to these days, he crashed the Rock and Roll Hall of
Fame party and he took back in time to the glorious days of the 80s. He
went on the mullet hunt in the great outback at the Auto parts store, disguised
in his own mullet and a vintage KISS t-shirt stained with Mullet Musk!
It’s amazing when you look back at all
the subjects Greenmuse has covered in his own witty way; always there with
his unique metaphors and his wonderful imagination. Every month, I look
forward to seeing what he comes up with next.
This month Greenmusic is on vacation but
we here at antiMUSIC wanted to pay tribute to the man, myth, the mullet—Greenmuse.
Instead of a traditional Roast, we are gonna have a mullet styled Greenmuse
BBQ!
Momentary Lapse of…
Some of his best wit has been off the cuff
comments in Fan Speak. Our very own DeadSun took to the task a few weeks
back to gather his collection of favorite Greenmusings. For those that
missed it, here it is again, DeadSun’s favorite quotes from the Greenone.
DeadSun: If there be one thing that those
who come to this site know, it is that Greenmuse--- the Green God of the
Glade--- the Duke of Satisfying Krinkle Sounds--- not only rules, but is
an all-around terrific lad.
This thread has been named "All Things
Greenmuse". I have gone through some old threads, and taken some quotes
from Lord Muse, to submit as a testimony to his righteousness. I will look
for more, but here is an aperitif:
GM on pop-culture : "I guess we can all
rest peacefully knowing that Jack Osbourne is a drug overdose just waiting
to happen."
GM on "Full House" : "We all know what
the relation between Joey and him ( John Stamos ) really was about, don't
we? Two muletted men, always bickering--- I think you know where I'm going
with this--- and Mr. Tanner was the ringleader of it all."
GM on being a wrathful deity : "Those I
don't like don't get treated to my brand of off-the-wall, madcap fun---
they just get the boring Jack Hannah impresssion I do."
GM on being fashionably evil : "For my
evil work, I prefer a hot pink jumper with khaki trousers."
GM on self-confidence : "People point and
laugh at me all the time. It does nothing but encourage me."
GM on family time : "--- sing yourself
some gospel songs and I'll be Steven Curtis Chapman. Sometimes, I get the
misses liquored up, and demand she dress as Amy Grant, and then we sing
duets in the name of the Lord."
GM on his real name : "I go by Erich, but
only my hairdresser knows for sure."
GM on iconoFANS : "I have tracked you all
down, and have peeped into your windows--- then I make models of you and
play weird games with them."
GM on the games he plays with his iconoFAN
dolls : "Last night, when playing with the models of people here, I made
everyone go on an expedition in search of the monkey who cannot be named,
when we finally found him after many trials and tribulations. We danced
the night away to a skipping Shania Twain record--- an old one, from when
she had bad teeth."
GM on the responsibilities of ownership
: "I once had a convertible Amish, but after a few years, he needed a new
beard, and frankly I wasn't willing to put that much into him--- soo I
traded him for a Hassidic Jew, who's giving me nothing but problems."
Bob bless the Green One.
antiGUY Checks in with a special
Top 5: You know I almost did a top 5 once with Top 5 Greenmuses.. GM's
wit is not to be denied. Here are some of my favorites.
5) I feel like Corey Feldman without
his fix, Garey Coleman without his daily trip to a drag queen dominatrix
version of Oprah.
4) My favorite Wannabeus Gangserus Bling-Blingus,
are the ones where after decking themselves out with a kings ransom in
jewelery, a cell phone, at least 2 pagers, all brand name clothing, But
then they get on the city bus.
3) I can see it now, "the play dough
make your own punk playset", sponsored by Epitaph Records.
2) Aaron Lewis, needs a hug. Cheer up
buddy, life can’t be that bad.
And Greenmuse's finest musing:
"Fred Durst for some odd reason has
been very successful by writing simple lyrics with no real point other
than to sell records to little angry boys. He is basically a penis wearing
a red hat and he seems to wallow in this mire like a pig in mud."
All Green things must come to an end!
That’s the end of our part of the Greenmuse
BBQ but please add your own comments. We hope the Green One enjoyed
his BBQ and is enjoying his time off. But we look forward to having him
back soon. With the exception of Mr. T, no one is quite as cool as Greenmuse
and no one can talk the mullet like our main man.
It has been a real pleasure being the Green
One's editor and I look forward to many more musings in the future. (For
our next BBQ, we're gonna tie down Dr. Fever and force him to have sex
with a Courtney Love lookalike. Stay tuned for that one soon as Dr. Fever's
4th Anniversary with us is coming up in May!)
This is Keavin signing off but I will leave
you with this parting thought from Greenmuse:
The teletubbies live in a Orwellian
nightmare, the loudspeaker tells them what to do, the pin wheels drug them
with sparkly dust, their incoherent gibberish is really cries of pain,
and wants of freedom and they worship some primordial sun god.
For your browsing enjoyment, here are all
of Greenmuse’s musings in order:
Greenmuse loves
to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at greenmuse@antimusic.com
(he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was
this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...)
Fan Speak:
What do you think
the future will hold?
Fan
Speak:
end |
