Last year, I indulged my sense of celebrity culture by penning the 2002 Overexposurehypefestorama. I made a lot of jokes about Ben Affleck and the Olsen Twins and the word “the.” I was going to do one again this year, but then I realized I’d be making the same jokes again. Ben Affleck is still all over the pages of US Weekly, the Olsen Twins made the cover of Rolling Stone as “America’s Favorite Fantasy,” and there’s been a whole new s-load of “the” bands: The Shins, The Thrills, The Kills, The Stills, etc. So instead of doing a countdown of things that pissed me off this year or made me more cynical, I thought I’d change things up a bit and construct a countdown of things that made me happy. So, herewith, a big bag of smiles (wow, that sounded pretty gay, didn’t it?).

1. Andre 3000 of Outkast, “Hey Ya!”: If this song does not make you want to stop whatever it is you’re doing and just start dancing, then you have no soul, and I say this in full awareness of my caucasianosity. Outkast’s better half created an incredible album full of funk, lounge, rock and booty jams with “The Love Below,” but “Hey Ya!” a song about a relationship gone sour, is the topper. My girlfriend and I were having a huge fight one morning, and this song came on the radio. We both immediately stopped arguing, smiled and started dancing in our seats. No lie. Has it been overplayed? Damn yes! Do I care? Damn no!

2. Jack Black in “School of Rock”: America learned this year what most nerds have known for years: Jack Black is a freakin’ genius! Full of talented children but never sappy, Black kicks his stoner buddy attitude, rock worship and flexible eyebrows into overdrive in the leading role of a lifetime for Black, who up until now has been best served in supporting roles such as Barry in High Fidelity and Lance in Orange County. Rock’s best love letter movies have always been comedies, be they School of Rock or Wayne’s World 2, no matter what critics said about Almost Famous. Because rock is fun, and teaching others to worship rock is the greatest gift you can give your children.

3. “Family Guy” on DVD: The best show nobody watched on Fox is now a phenomenon, thanks to constant replay on the Cartoon Network and the two DVDs released this year capturing the series’ entire run. Thanks to a new swelling of fan support, there are even rumors that series creator Seth MacFarlane is being asked to create new episodes. If they can capture the same outrageousness of the original episodes, then, to quote horndog neighbor Glen Quagmire, “allll right!”

4. Music that recreates and improves upon older music: Disco metal. Eighties metal. Phil Spector girl groups. New Wave. Most of my favorite bands this year, Electric Six, the Darkness, Junior Senior and Hot Hot Heat, won my ear while playing on and with old sounds. They were fun, had a hot beat, and put out solid discs full of retro yet original thought in a year in which the safe bet was to sound like or be Nickelback or be in an emo band (I’ll save my anti-DIY rock rant for a later date). Most importantly, these bands made music that was fun! And in an age of indefinite wartime, neoconservative control, and jobless economic recovery, what’s better to listen to than fun music?

5. Will Ferrell in anything: 2003’s other comic genius, Ferrell helped a comedy-starved nation heal after a summer in which we learned that Jim Carrey had become stale. After depressing us all by leaving Saturday Night Live, thus forcing America to watch Jimmy Fallon continually screw up every sketch he was in, Ferrell resurfaced as Frank the Tank in Old School, proving he was ready for the big time despite 1998’s godawful A Night at the Roxbury. Then, this past November, he pulls a double wammy with a leading role in Elf, another feel-good Christmas movie that doesn’t play the sappy angle. He’s my favorite Saturday Night Live cast member ever, though Bill Murray comes a close second.

6. Aqua Teen Hunger Force: On the air on Cartoon Network since 2000, ATHF finally came to DVD this past month to the delight of fanboys everywhere. Now my fellow geeks and I can watch Meatwad turn into a hotdog or an igloo whenever we want, not to mention revel in the mayhem of the Mooninites, a pair of two-dimensional, smoking, drinking, bird-flipping, laser-shooting aliens.

7. Jack White finally picks up a bass guitar: THANK GOD! One of my former roommates was a big White Stripes fan. I hated his taste in music. Not the individual bands per se; I have no beef with the Doors or Tool or the Strokes. But I hated how he would start buying bands’ entire catalogs before ever hearing a single song. When he got into Bright Eyes I wanted to punch him in the face. And while I thought “Fell in Love with a Girl,” was a decent song, I hated the pretentious airs Jack White put on, coupled with the fact that my roommate would force me to listen to “The Big 3 Killed My Baby,” from their first album, till my ears bled. Then I heard “Seven Nation Army” this year. It was good. Really fucking good. Jack White plays bass with a mud stomp straight out of metal. Audioslave covered “Army” at Lollapalooza, and it was one of the set’s best songs. “The Hardest Button to Button” was also incredible. I just heard the Stripes’ cover of “I Just Don’t Know What to Do with Myself.” I didn’t like that as much. No bass. Note to Jack: Never, ever put down the bass!

8. The O.C.: Not a word. Not one f-ing word. This show is good. It’s the best primetime soap on TV in years. I cursed having night classes every Wednesday. There is no better character on TV right now than Adam Brody’s nerdy lothario Seth Cohen. Maybe it’s his comic book fetish. Maybe it’s his witty lines. But the show is good, and if you make fun of me, you just haven’t watched it yet.

9. Grant Morrison’s “New X-Men”: Again, I don’t know what the comic book-loving contingency is on this site, but if you’re down with the X as I am, the book hasn’t been this good in years. Morrison has taken the X-Universe and turned it on its ear, especially his recent handling of Magneto and the Phoenix Force. That’s all I’ll say on that.

10. The portable MP3 player I’m getting for Christmas tomorrow: ‘Nuff said.
 

Your turn. 

Fan Speak:

Posted by Arcanus:
You are a total douche