The 6 Worst CDs of 2006
1) K-Fed - Playing With Fire: For those that argue that Rap stands for retards attempting poetry, K-Fed wins that argument hands down. On the other hand, real rap is supposed to be from the streets, about the struggles of urban life. What street cred does K-Fed have? He's a dancer than married a popstar. You don't get more gansta then that. But K-Fed's worst crimes are that he takes every rap cliché and uses them ten-fold. The good news is that after his rap career tanked and Britney kicked him to the curb, he did find his true calling as a pro wrestler--a profession as phony as K-Fed. Only in America.
2) Paris Hilton - Paris: Does this really need an explanation?
3) The Game - The Doctor's Advocate: The Game has become the Hollywood version of a rapper. How is that? Hollywood can't come up with any original ideas so they just keep recycling the same old movies over and over. The Game does just that with this CD where he tries to become Dr Dre not only in form but even lowers his register in an attempt to sound like Dre. That all being said, this isn't the worst Hip-Hop CD of the year, it's just a mediocre copy of the original. If you want Dre, go to the source, don't play the clone game.
4) Fergie - The Dutchess: This genre is based on narcissism and insipid lyrics but this Black Eyed Pea gives the genre a new black eye as she produces some of the silliest lyrics to ever grace a commercial CD. Not even Gene Simmons could produce lyrics this bad. A few examples: "Fergalicious definition make them boys go loco / They want my treasure so they get their pleasures from my photo," "would you love me if I didn't work out or I didn't change my natural hair," and my personal favorite "T to the A, to the S T E Y girl you tasty" sounds like a retarded nursery ryhme. She does somewhat redeem herself when she has a moment of honesty, "Cuz this sh*t that we throwing get going gone retarded". You summed up the past decade of commerical hip-hop perfectly in one line! Congrats.
5) Bullet for My Valentine - Poison: What's worse than mallcore? Emo. What's worse than emo? An emo band trying to pass themselves off as a mallcore band. This is strictly TRL metal for the middle school set. The lyrics are so banal that you may lose 20 IQ points just by listening. "I loved you (I hate you), you hurt me," now that sounds like a 13-year-old girl. Just toss in an "Oh My Gawd" and "like" every three words and you've captured the Tiger Beat crowd perfectly. But as a step away from the Hilary Duff CDs their fan base was probably listening to a year or two ago this isn't too bad.
6) Rockstar Supernova: What do you get when you mix two second stringers from top bands, one guy that will jump on any bandwagon put in front of him and a singer with extremely limited range and talent, picked mostly for his look? A made by TV "super group". This could have been a great project but they took the low road and let's face it, none of the superstars were known for their songwriting in their respective groups. The songs here don't even measure up to the b-sides or throw away tracks on any of the past efforts by the "super star" members. In fact, this album makes Metallica's 'St Anger' seem like a masterpiece by comparison. (Yes, I know Jason didn't play on that one). The name of the band seems fitting after hearing this CD. A supernova happens when a star runs out of fuel and dies. Maybe Fox can give them a reality series next year to chronicle the failure of this group and call it "When Rockstars Supernova".
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