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Gwar's Crack-A-Thon A Complete Disaster

04/30/2010
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After a week and a half of utter silence (and even less interest) GWAR's much-touted "Crack-a-Thon 2010" was today revealed to be a "complete disaster", doing nothing to alleviate lead singer's Oderus Urungus' crack debt, which grew to four times its pre-Crack-a-Thon size. The MF Gallery, which hosted the event, was left in flaming ruin, until a squad of evil dwarfs emerged from the rubble, rebuilding the structure overnight.

Despite stellar performances (Andrew WK, Kembra Phaler of The Voluptuos Horror of Karen Black), compelling interviews (Jamey Jasta, Mecronos of the band DETHRACE), and exceptional bartending (Balsac the Jaws of Death), the highly-anticipated fund-raising drive actually ended up "losing millions", according to Betty Fizzbin, Crack-a-Thon official and part-time rodeo animal. She continued--

"We actually made a ton of money...I mean the phones were ringing off the hooks, and cash was literally pouring into the box office! But then Oderus locked himself in the receipt booth and smoked it all up. He didn't even try to buy crack, he just smoked the money..."

And while the Crack-a-Thon may have failed in its goal, everybody associated with this first-time webTV event agreed it was a lot of fun "watch Oderus completely lose his s*** ".

As an obviously intoxicated Urungus stumbled around the stage, mumbling and throwing things, co-host Balsac the Jaws of Death kept things moving at a brisk pace, as the legions of celebrity guests were brought on and off with alarming regularity. Show highlights included Andrew WK and Oderus' duet of "Candle in the Wind", Kembra Phaler smashing paint-filled eggs into her vagina, and numerous appearances by homeless animal rights activist Chippy the Chippopautamus.

Show lowlights included the camera being pointed at the floor for the entire Jamey Jasta interview and Lloyd Kaufman in general. The affair wound up on a "high" note, with the guests and audience members joining together for a rousing version of "Give Crack a Chance".

The fully edited versions of the Crack-a-Thon episodes 1-10 will be appearing on crackathon.tv and Metal Blade TV over the next couple of months. Slave Pit representatives have pledged to continue broadcasting "whatever the f*** we feel like", and despite the host of failures and technical glitches have vowed to hold the Crack-a-Thon again in 2011. Check in at crackathon.tv for further updates!

In other GWAR news, rumors that the legendary rock band was currently in the studio, working on their new album, were vehemently denied, even though they were completely true. Meanwhile the band is gearing up for a huge year, starting off in the U.S. this spring with the second leg of their "Lust in Space" tour, featuring the band's first-ever appearance at Bonnaroo . GWAR's 25th anniversary celebration continues this summer in Europe, where GWAR shall grace the stages at Bloodstock and many other huge festivals. Then they are back in the U.S. with a HUGE fall-winter tour with UNREAL support...there is no let-up in sight! The world's most dangerous band shall wreak untold havoc in their lust for boundless supremacy, as they come to claim what is theirs...which is everything!

HAIL GWAR

And make sure to check out GWAR this spring at the following soon-to-be-destroyed locations--

Tue/Jun-01 Toledo, OH @ Headliners
Wed/Jun-02 Palatine, IL @ Durty Nellies
Fri/Jun-04 Ft. Collins, CO @ Aggie Theatre
Sat/Jun-05 Grand Junction, CO @ Mesa Theatre & Club
Mon/Jun-07 San Antonio, TX @ White Rabbit
Wed/Jun-09 Mobile, AL @ Soul Kitchen
Thu/Jun-10 Jackson, MS @ Club Fire
Fri/Jun-11 Memphis, TN @ New Daisy Theatre
Sat/Jun-12 Manchester, TN @ Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival
Mon/Jun-14 Raleigh, NC @ Lincoln Theatre
Tue/Jun-15 N. Myrtle Beach, SC @ House of Blues SC
Wed/Jun-16 Richmond, VA @ The National
Thu/Jun-17 Allentown, PA @ Crocodile Rock
Fri/Jun-18 Sayreville, NJ @ Starland Ballroom
Sat/Jun-19 Poughkeepsie, NY @ The Chance
Sun/Jun-20 Boston, MA @ House of Blues Boston
Tue/Jun-22 Farmingdale, NY @ The Crazy Donkey
Wed/Jun-23 Syracuse, NY @ Westcott Theatre
Thu/Jun-24 Millvale, PA @ Mr. Small's Theatre
Fri/Jun-25 Lexington, KY @ Buster's Billiards & Backroom
Sat/Jun-26 Rutland, OH @ 2010 Interpunk American Skate Fest

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