Gwar Explains Why Their Sex Bribe Worked

04/22/2011
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This emerged from the Gwar camp yesterday and with Gwar you know it's gonna be fun! Enjoy: As the "cream" of the metal world began to awake from the orgy of booze and drugs that followed Wednesday night's Golden Gods Awards, Gwar fans everywhere rejoiced as the two-time Grammy losing shock rock masters did not lose to Sevendust.

Lead Singer's Oderus Urungus' promise to have sex with anybody who voted for GWAR (who were up against Rammstein, Sevendust, Iron Maiden, Megadeth and Avenged Sevenfold in the category "best live show") apparently succeeded in garnering the band enough votes for Oderus to immediately begin bragging about. Said the warty front-fag-

"Sure Rammstein won, so what? The important thing is that we did not lose to Avenged Sevendust. They didn't win, so we didn't lose."

When questioned further about his apparent complete lack of understanding even what the other bands names were, Oderus completely ignored the question. "I will now go on an immediate f**k-finding expedition where I will personally reward everyone who voted for us with a violent load. I will go anal in the Aleutians, missionary in Mississippi, plus I will f**k the Presidents dog on the White House lawn. This may take some time as I have to wait for as long as 38 seconds between erections. Because of this, I will be completely ignoring all of my other responsibilities, most notably the Crack-a-Thon, which will be rescheduled some time later this year."

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