Somebody Please Shoot
K-Fed In The Head!!!*
Britney Spears' Husband Announces His
Plans to Become the Next Vanilla Ice
Disclaimer: *note
to Britneys attorneys, the headline is not meant to be literal. Mr. Brown
is not advocating the actual shooting of Mr. Federline-Spears in the head,
only metaphorically. But Mr. Brown does believe that Mr. Federline-Spears
does indeed literally suck as a rapper. the opinions expressed are those
of the author, not necessarily those of antiMUSIC, or the iconoclast entertainment
group
There's danger on the horizon y'all...
Paul Wall has a new hip hop companion piece to add to the poser pit of
white boyz trying to be emcees, ripping off black culture yet again to
give themselves a sense of identity that is more exciting than the one
their suburban roots naturally bestowed them with... It began with
Vanilla Ice, then Fred Durst had his turn at the mic, then Paul Wall picked
up the baton and 'dipped' a little farther, but he was walking sideways,
so he fell over, and now, the next GREAT WHITE DOPE has picked up the mic,
and I never saw this one coming: Kevin Federline! Yep, Mr. Britney
Spears! I thought this dude was marrying Britney from a professional
vantage point to advance his dancing career (he is a back-up dancer by
trade), and perhaps land himself on easy street in the case of a divorce
due to California's alimony laws (in spite of any prenump he would still
be loaded...) But it now seems Kevin is going one step further to
ensure his financial stability- perhaps to support the two children he
has with ex-girlfriend, Moesha actress Shar Jackson- by becoming a rapper!
My fellow columnists at antiMusic have
been harping lightly at this in news bites all week, and AOL even ran something
satirical, so I can't totally claim originality here, but come on: its
totally worth a swipe or two. I have a larger point and purpose with
this rant also though: that is to continue in my overarching campaign to
protest white wanna-be wigger asshole shopping mall gangstaz like this
prick, Paul Wall, Fred Durst, Vanilla Ice, and so forth on down the line.
Aside from the Beastie Boys and Eminem, and maybe Bubba Sparxx to a minor
degree, the former group of hip hop misfits have NO BUSINESS with record
deals! NONE! ZILCH! In Paul Wall's silly, stupid, generic
'to the extreme' clown single 'Sitting Sideways', he has one verse, leaving
the rest to credible African American emcees. I don't mean to make
the inference that all good rappers are black, but statistically speaking-
strictly by the numbers- you have to be XTRAORDINARILY talented- like Eminem,
where you make it into the MTV Top 10 Emcees of All Time on your first
album to qualify for an exception. Color played no role in judging
Eminem, first because he had the skills, and secondly, because he spent
years coming up on Detroit's underground battle scene, and anyone who knows
anything about underground rap had already been well aware of him.
Its refreshing when talent like that bleeds all colors into one because
it is universally recognized.
With EMCEE FEDERLINE however, that is hardly
the case... All we can universally recognize with him is that HE
SUCKS!! I will cite to begin with, a sampling from his forthcoming
album, 'The Truth', where America's most famous Baby's Daddy boasts "Back
then, they called me K-Fed, but you can call me Daddy instead." If
Federline is hoping to endear himself to rap listeners by banking his credibility
as an emcee on the fact that he is a responsible father to one child while,
according to his ex-girlfriend, he had no problem bouncing on another,
then I think he's off to an awful poor start.
Consider his ex Shar Jackson's own words
on the subject in an interview from this past week: "Finding out Keavin
was leaving me when I was pregnant was hard, there was never an official
breakup. I went through the phase of feeling abandoned, feeling like how
could somebody do that?" In another part of the song, Federline predicts
"y'all gonna hate on the style we create, straight 2008." DUDE, no
one is gonna hate on you for the style you create, we're gonna hate on
you because you suck! You are the worst! You will never last
through 2008, unless a record label gets smart and shelves your record
till then, and for years beyond that! You make Paul Wall look like
Eminem! Anyone who got a taste of this clown on the horrible Britney
& Kevin reality freak show last summer already knows this dude has
no charisma whatsoever. He is like one of those small-town, Florida
White Trash wanna-be rapper clowns you see hanging out at 7-11 or the shopping
mall on a Saturday afternoon, with no purpose in the world, talking like
a homie. Or worse still, trying to rap like 50 Cent. Sadly,
Federline plays out this pathetic pathology to a whole new extreme with
his forthcoming album, 'The Truth', and the only truth we can give him
is the brutally honest one: YOU SUCK DUDE! Stay off the mic!
Shameless Plug: 'Just Like Paradise:
A Millennium Tribute to David Lee Roth', from Versailles Records, hits
stores November 22, and features current/former members of Aerosmith,
Poison, Riot, Dio, Lillian Axe, Enuff Znuff, American Dog, Dangerous Toys,
Rough Cutt, Dokken, Lynch Mob, Black Sabbath, and TNT, as well as Richard
Kendrick, Corey Craven, Chris Catena, Markko Pukkila, and other great rock
artists. If you're looking for something a little on the lighter
side from that, you can also check out Jasy Andrews' wonderful debut LP,
'Little Girl', in stores now!!!"
Posted by GangstaGold:
why the number one rap song sucks! Hip hop, rap has lost it's luster. It comes off as so very uneducated and ignorant, I have no desire to listen to hip hop music anymore. I will listen to reggaeton anyday before I will play any rap. In fact I do not even listen to hip hop or rap anymore, it has been so destroyed and exploited!
I will tell the world why this song called GRILLS by Nelly and Paul Walls is the worst rap song in history and absolutely sucks! This is such disrespect to the jewelry business, the real jewelers who work in this business and to the entire gold teeth business. It is a total and complete disrespect and I do take it personally!
I am GangstaGold, the owner founder and brainchild of GangstaGold.com online. I am not impressed about rappers who want to be jewelers overnight without any skills, education or experience in the jewelry industry and who rap about robbing the jewelry store to get their mouth bling on.
Rappers need to concentrate on growing up and doing and rapping about the right things! They are role models to young children, teenagers and adults. I guess we need to build more prisons, cemetaries and drug treatment centers because if people idolize and follow this crap, that is right where they are going to end up! I guess money and greed can not buy you everything! I did not become GangstaGold by flashing my grill in anyones face or robbing the jeweler store. I work like a dog literally every day with one intention of making everyones fine jewelry dreams come true.
Yes I sell custom removable gold teeth but I do not and will never exploit my gold teeth business. It is not a game or a rap song to me, It is my livelihood day in and day out. These rappers are the biggest bunch of hypocrites ever!
This has to be the most ignorant, disrepectful rap song ever in history. Why would you disprespect the jeweler who makes these beautiful gold teeth?
It is shame but the only good hip hop is on COLLEGE RADIO, hip hop that makes sense and has real meaning!
These number one songs about grills and gold teeth are the worst representation of hip hop and rap music ever and extremely disrespectful to those of us who make out our living entirely on selling custom removable teeth bling and hip hop jewelery.
Besides, anyone can own a gold teeth shop as he does in Texas. All you have to do is get a business license and a storefront, it is not that difficult. This does not make you an experienced or established jeweler. Maybe someone will rob or jack his jewelry store for mouthing off so much! He deserves it big time.
As far as I am concerned, I am the real peoples champ and I don't need the fame or fortune. I service the publics jewelry needs straight from my heart, not from my pocketbook or ego!
Absolutely disgusting, offensive and sounds like a 2 year old wrote it!- GangstaGold.com Mood: disrespected www.gangstagold.com: GangstaGold.com
Posted by murda:
the only reason why kfed is trying to rhyme is because he wants to prove to the public that he has a job, and is not a bum who drugged titney to marrying him, well guess wut kfed, wearing manpris and sandals with socks is not going to help u f*ckin popozao faget, go suck titneys loose puzzy!!!
Posted by Ellie (UK):
You know what? I HATE Kevin Federline with a passion - he's not nearly good enough for Britney (and that's an extreme understatement) - HOWEVER, having heard samples of his stuff 'y'all aint ready' and the bit on his site, minus the lyrics, his stuff's okay. This in no way means I wouldn't advocate someone 'shooting him in the head', but just wanted to say that. Once again for the record, I HATE KEVIN FEDERLINE!!! Here's hoping Britney's still looking for Mr. Right, because it is NOT K-Fed!
Posted by aG:
Calling someone racist because they do not like rap is like calling black men homophobic because they do not like boybands. The irony here is that the people that play the silly "let's call everybody racist" are in fact the ones that are typically racist themselves. Then again I wouldn't expect anyone shallow enough to find mainstream rap intellectually stimulating to even begin to comprehend the ignorance of such statements. They can't be that bright, after all they are rap fans. That stupidity my friends, unfortunately crosses all race and gender lines. Let me guess, you also vote based on what P.diddy says on MTV! Bravo, yet more living examples of why we should put chlorine in the gene pool. I mean "realest"! Please, go buy a clue next time instead of a rap CD.
Posted by rant:
Paull Wall is nice. Are you whiteb/c you sound like a racist and Eminem can rap but he's not that good. PS. Get off K Fed's Dick.
Posted by LILJAY_713:
HELL NAW I DONT AGREE WITH THAT crap EXCEPCT FOR K-FED NEEDS TO BE SHOT IN THE HEAD. PAUL IS ABOUT THE REALEST OF THEM ALL HE'S BEEN IN THE UNDERGROUND GAME ALOT LONGER THEN NE OF THEM ****IN OTHER WHITE EMCCE'S. SO U NEED TO CHEACK UR crap BITCH. HTOWN BABY
Posted by steve:
Did Kevin Federline kill your parents or something?
Posted by Randall Flagg:
K-Fed & Milli Vanilli are playing train yards? How much will they charge per ticket? Hopefully tickets will be dirt cheap because the most likely people to show up will be a bunch of freight train drifters.
Posted by K Fed but You can call me daddy instead (im kidding):
This is the strongest proof that Kevin Federline is a bum, he doesn't know what to do with himself anymore, must be nice married to Britney. I'd have to strongly disagree with the author on the "ripping off black culture yet again to give themselves a sense of identity that is more exciting than the one their suburban roots naturally bestowed them with" tip though, it just shows the lack of Your knowledge of Hip Hop and the rap music industry as a whole works. I think the article could've went without comparing to Paul Wall and the "white boyz ripping off black culture" reference. 'K FED' is the biggest embarassment to the caucasian population as a whole.
Posted by K-FED to Join Milli Vanilli on road!!!:
This just came off the AP:
"Keavin Federline, also known as K-FED and Mr. Britney Spears has landed the opening slot on Milli Vanilli's retro-tour. Fab will hit the road, playing train yards in a retrospective tour that will in the same time pay tribute to Rob Platus, who did us all a favor a few years back and took the bullet train. Federline will take Platus' place, and is reported to be currently learning the duo's cutting edge dance routines for the tour. K-FED doesn't have to worry about getting vocal parts down since the tour will be lip-synched to enhance the authenticity of a vintage Milli Vanilli tour. K-FED will also perform cuts from his forthcoming flop-to-be, 'The Truth.'
Posted by K-Fed:
yo why y'all be hatin on tha new style jus cause my skillz is wild yall gotz ta be jealous and overzealous in spittin words against the baby Daddy but i just chill rolliin in the 64 Caddy attractin fly honeys and spendin my wife's money fa sho
Posted by HellAwaits:
"Didn't Black Eyed Peas - My Hump already prove that?"
for me...its the damn Crazy Frog
Posted by GTD:
Man panties for wiggerz.
Posted by GREENMUSE:
"He is like one of those small-town, Florida White Trash wanna-be rapper clowns you see hanging out at 7-11 or the shopping mall on a Saturday afternoon"---oh my god,you've been to my hometown!?
Posted by BUTCH:
did anyone see the jimmy kimmel show the other night? well, if you didn't you should have. james lipton (the guy from inside the actors studio on bravo) made a special guest appearence. he put a budweiser hat on side ways and gave a dramtic reading of k-fed's rhymes. hil-fukin-larious! ---k fed, or if you perfer, "daddy"...ah, who cares.
Posted by Hobo:
Didn't Black Eyed Peas - My Hump already prove that?
Posted by cool guy:
If this hits the top 40 than there is no god.
