Janet Jackson needs to be slapped. Not so much for being part of the most dysfunctional family in popular history, or for showing her deformed boob on TV. She needs to be slapped because she doesn’t seem to have the sense of an 10-year-old.  Maybe there was something wrong with the breast milk that fed the Jackson children? Maybe the power of the spotlight at such a young age burned their brains and kept them from developing into rational adults? 

On one hand we have the walking freak show that Chuck so eloquently singled out a couple weeks ago that thinks it’s perfectly ok to have slumber parties with little boys. We hear the silly excuse that Michael was robbed of his childhood. Ok, fine. Even if we give this wacko credit for an entire second childhood, he’s over 20 again. Time to grow up!  The Jackson clan is a walking example of what happens when too much fame comes along with too much money that allows you to cut yourself off from reality. 

As Brother Michael faces trial accused of diddling little boys, sister Janet had the bright idea to show her mangled nipple to the world during the Super Bowl broadcast. Why did she do it? Was it a publicity stunt to help resurrect her declining career? Was it a spur of the moment “wardrobe malfunction”? Were the lights on the stage too hot and she needed some relief from the constraining top? Or maybe she wanted the world to see her new nipple deformation, courtesy of whatever contraption she placed on it.  Whatever it was, it wasn’t pretty. 

Now it looks like CBS is going to have to pay close to a million dollars in fines because of the little stunt. Why isn’t Janet paying this? What amounted to a few seconds of airtime turned into weeks of instant replay on TV. So just in case you missed it the first time we were treated to seeing it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again!  Lucky us! 

I don’t think Janet should be slapped for the stunt. Sure she should be slapped with the fines, but that’s another rant. She needs to be slapped because of HER reaction to the reaction of it. She somehow thought it would be neat to show the world that her brother doesn’t have a monopoly on mangling the human body.  I really don’t know what went through her head but she apparently never expected the backlash she received. Any rational adult could have seen this coming a million miles away. But not a Jackson. They seem to think the rules don’t apply to them. 

Her reaction seems to be “What’ the big deal?”.  What’s worst is in her warped mind she turned it into some kind of war protest. “Nipple Clamps, Not War!”.  Yes, dear Janet thinks she suffered the backlash because the President was looking for something to take people’s mind off of the war in Iraq. 

I’m far from being a Bush supporter, I didn’t vote for him the first time and unless I’m somehow abducted by aliens I won’t give him( or the Senator from Massachusetts) my vote this year, BUT I’d like to think I’m enough of an adult to have a minimal of logical and analytical ability to connect the dots and I still can’t fathom how you get Janet showing her nipple and people being shocked and outraged, to it somehow being some kind of conspiracy theory of the Bush administration using it as a cover-up for the problems with the war.   I guess I haven’t seen enough Michael Moore or Oliver Stone movies to connect totally unrelated dots to make a political statement. 

I still don’t see what in the hell W had to do with any of this? Unless he ordered Janet to do it or he got his friends in the media to over report on it, then I just don’t see the connection.  We all know that Bush has the media in his pocket after all. (sarcasm off). 

Since I stole from Chuck for part of this, I’m going to steal from DeadSun for another. This is entirely for Janet’s benefit.  Consider this “Cause and Effect for Dummies” or rather the Scott Slapp Reality Slapp Upside the Head. 

Imagine for a moment that you are a reporter, or a TV news writer.  You have a simple choice to make on which story to write about and pound into the ground.  On one hand you have a war that has been going on for 9-months and on the other you have a pop star showing her tit during the most televised program of the year. Gee, which one will I want to cover?  If you picked Iraq, you just lost your job. 

We all know that the White House secretly controls the media right? So the moment it happened, Rummy must have placed a call to his best friend Dan Rather, “Dan, old buddy, old pal. We now have a way to get the focus off of Iraq.”  Unless you are totally blinded by partisanship or living in a Moorellian fantasy land, you know that never happened. 

I’m not saying that the White House didn’t play a part in the aftermath of Nipple Gate. They did because this little old agency called the Federal Communications Committee is under the control of the executive branch.  They have these silly rules called decency standards that apply to public airwaves. The idea is to keep a minimum level of decency on the public airwaves so that little Timmy isn’t traumatized by seeing a grown woman with an erector set clamped on her nipple.  So when the FCC has a cow after Janet violates these standards, it must be the Bush administration that ordered them to do so. It’s not like they were doing their job or anything. 

I can fault the Bush administration with a lot of things, but I have a hard time bitching about them having an agency actually do their job. It’s the ones that don’t do their job that worry me.   Who was the real victim of all of this? The poor kids that will have their minds warped forever by the sight of Janet’s maimed nipple?  Howard Stern, who up to this point had free reign to say whatever he liked on the air, and the FCC gave a free pass to?  I just don’t see it, to me the ones that are using this whole affair to play politics seem to be the ones accusing the Bush administration of doing the same thing.  As Hobo would say, they are being tards. I mean, I could come up with a laundry list of legitimate things to complain about when it comes to this president, but the backlash over Janet’s nipple certainly isn’t one of them.  When people go off on trivial tangents like this, they not only hurt their own cause, they actually take the focus off of important issues that should be addressed and debated. 

If you don’t like the FCC rules, lobby your congressional representatives to change them. Stop spinning silly conspiracy theories out of thin air. Because you know who will have the last laugh when it backfires in your face?  In the meantime, when this tactic fails, don’t even attempt to take this in the other predictable direction and make it somehow about race.  We would have had the same kind of reaction to Britney pulling a stunt like this.  Although, I don’t think we would have tired of the instant replay as quickly (or at all). 

The only boobs we should see on the broadcast television are news anchors, sitcom stars and reality show contestants. Until then little Timmy can see all the nipples he wants on Showtime, but mommy and daddy have to pay for it.  That’s the American way. 

Janet, it’s time to grow up. Admit that what you did was stupid and move on. You broke the rules and now take your time-out like a good little girl. Stop trying to make excuses or pointing fingers at other people for your stupid decision.  I know your family isn’t big on maturity but damn even a 10-year-old knows that they get punished for doing something stupid, they don’t try and blame it on the President. Presidents have more important things to worry about than you trying to resurrect your career with a cheap stunt. This one has to worry about trying to convince people to reelection him and I doubt your ragged nipple plays into that game plan.  And please for the love of God, give Michael back his erector set pieces. They don't belong on your nipple. 

Scott

P.S. This is for Naomi Campbell: I promise not to slapp you if you decide to show us what you have under that Victoria Secret lace! In fact, it would be a public service, we have to show little Timmy what a real nipple looks like!  I’m sure Howard would gladly pay the fine. 
 
 

Your turn. 

Fan Speak:


Posted by Scott:
eljacko, if you pay attention during the Super Bowl they make a big point about it being broadcast around the world. Big Dave pull your head out of your ass and pay attention. Go look for pics of the deformed nipple. Bush, Janet tried to play the backlash off as some political thing. Strawberry I will gladly stop 'hating' on the jackasses once they leave the public eye. Until then if they pop their ugly heads up with these stupid stunts I will continue to "hate" on them.