antiMUSIC is reluctant to present “Slapped!”
with Scott Slapp. He’s been bugging us to do this for a while. So we figured
what the hell, let’s give him a shot at it. If he isn’t assassinated by
an irate fan, Scott will check in with us each Tuesday to tell us which
rock star needs to be “Slapped”.
Last time Scott slapped rock stars that
lobby for political parties and tried to get the message out that we have
more than two choices. This week he slapps what he sees as a publicity
stunt being used for misguided politics.
As always the views expressed
by the writer do not neccessarily reflect the views of antiMUSIC or the
iconoclast entertainment group .
Janet Jackson: The Deformed Nipple
Seen 'Round The World
Janet Jackson needs to be slapped. Not
so much for being part of the most dysfunctional family in popular history,
or for showing her deformed boob on TV. She needs to be slapped because
she doesn’t seem to have the sense of an 10-year-old. Maybe there
was something wrong with the breast milk that fed the Jackson children?
Maybe the power of the spotlight at such a young age burned their brains
and kept them from developing into rational adults?
On one hand we have the walking freak show
that Chuck so eloquently singled out a couple weeks ago that thinks it’s
perfectly ok to have slumber parties with little boys. We hear the silly
excuse that Michael was robbed of his childhood. Ok, fine. Even if we give
this wacko credit for an entire second childhood, he’s over 20 again. Time
to grow up! The Jackson clan is a walking example of what happens
when too much fame comes along with too much money that allows you to cut
yourself off from reality.
As Brother Michael faces trial accused
of diddling little boys, sister Janet had the bright idea to show her mangled
nipple to the world during the Super Bowl broadcast. Why did she do it?
Was it a publicity stunt to help resurrect her declining career? Was it
a spur of the moment “wardrobe malfunction”? Were the lights on the stage
too hot and she needed some relief from the constraining top? Or maybe
she wanted the world to see her new nipple deformation, courtesy of whatever
contraption she placed on it. Whatever it was, it wasn’t pretty.
Now it looks like CBS is going to have
to pay close to a million dollars in fines because of the little stunt.
Why isn’t Janet paying this? What amounted to a few seconds of airtime
turned into weeks of instant replay on TV. So just in case you missed it
the first time we were treated to seeing it over and over and over and
over and over and over and over and over and over again! Lucky us!
I don’t think Janet should be slapped for
the stunt. Sure she should be slapped with the fines, but that’s another
rant. She needs to be slapped because of HER reaction to the reaction of
it. She somehow thought it would be neat to show the world that her brother
doesn’t have a monopoly on mangling the human body. I really don’t
know what went through her head but she apparently never expected the backlash
she received. Any rational adult could have seen this coming a million
miles away. But not a Jackson. They seem to think the rules don’t apply
to them.
Her reaction seems to be “What’ the big
deal?”. What’s worst is in her warped mind she turned it into some
kind of war protest. “Nipple Clamps, Not War!”. Yes, dear Janet thinks
she suffered the backlash because the President was looking for something
to take people’s mind off of the war in Iraq.
I’m far from being a Bush supporter, I
didn’t vote for him the first time and unless I’m somehow abducted by aliens
I won’t give him( or the Senator from Massachusetts) my vote this year,
BUT I’d like to think I’m enough of an adult to have a minimal of logical
and analytical ability to connect the dots and I still can’t fathom how
you get Janet showing her nipple and people being shocked and outraged,
to it somehow being some kind of conspiracy theory of the Bush administration
using it as a cover-up for the problems with the war. I guess
I haven’t seen enough Michael Moore or Oliver Stone movies to connect totally
unrelated dots to make a political statement.
I still don’t see what in the hell W had
to do with any of this? Unless he ordered Janet to do it or he got his
friends in the media to over report on it, then I just don’t see the connection.
We all know that Bush has the media in his pocket after all. (sarcasm off).
Since I stole from Chuck for part of this,
I’m going to steal from DeadSun for another. This is entirely for Janet’s
benefit. Consider this “Cause and Effect for Dummies” or rather the
Scott Slapp Reality Slapp Upside the Head.
Imagine for a moment that you are a reporter,
or a TV news writer. You have a simple choice to make on which story
to write about and pound into the ground. On one hand you have a
war that has been going on for 9-months and on the other you have a pop
star showing her tit during the most televised program of the year. Gee,
which one will I want to cover? If you picked Iraq, you just lost
your job.
We all know that the White House secretly
controls the media right? So the moment it happened, Rummy must have placed
a call to his best friend Dan Rather, “Dan, old buddy, old pal. We now
have a way to get the focus off of Iraq.” Unless you are totally
blinded by partisanship or living in a Moorellian fantasy land, you know
that never happened.
I’m not saying that the White House didn’t
play a part in the aftermath of Nipple Gate. They did because this little
old agency called the Federal Communications Committee is under the control
of the executive branch. They have these silly rules called decency
standards that apply to public airwaves. The idea is to keep a minimum
level of decency on the public airwaves so that little Timmy isn’t traumatized
by seeing a grown woman with an erector set clamped on her nipple.
So when the FCC has a cow after Janet violates these standards, it must
be the Bush administration that ordered them to do so. It’s not like they
were doing their job or anything.
I can fault the Bush administration with
a lot of things, but I have a hard time bitching about them having an agency
actually do their job. It’s the ones that don’t do their job that worry
me. Who was the real victim of all of this? The poor kids that
will have their minds warped forever by the sight of Janet’s maimed nipple?
Howard Stern, who up to this point had free reign to say whatever he liked
on the air, and the FCC gave a free pass to? I just don’t see it,
to me the ones that are using this whole affair to play politics seem to
be the ones accusing the Bush administration of doing the same thing.
As Hobo would say, they are being tards. I mean, I could come up with a
laundry list of legitimate things to complain about when it comes to this
president, but the backlash over Janet’s nipple certainly isn’t one of
them. When people go off on trivial tangents like this, they not
only hurt their own cause, they actually take the focus off of important
issues that should be addressed and debated.
If you don’t like the FCC rules, lobby
your congressional representatives to change them. Stop spinning silly
conspiracy theories out of thin air. Because you know who will have the
last laugh when it backfires in your face? In the meantime, when
this tactic fails, don’t even attempt to take this in the other predictable
direction and make it somehow about race. We would have had the same
kind of reaction to Britney pulling a stunt like this. Although,
I don’t think we would have tired of the instant replay as quickly (or
at all).
The only boobs we should see on the broadcast
television are news anchors, sitcom stars and reality show contestants.
Until then little Timmy can see all the nipples he wants on Showtime, but
mommy and daddy have to pay for it. That’s the American way.
Janet, it’s time to grow up. Admit that
what you did was stupid and move on. You broke the rules and now take your
time-out like a good little girl. Stop trying to make excuses or pointing
fingers at other people for your stupid decision. I know your family
isn’t big on maturity but damn even a 10-year-old knows that they get punished
for doing something stupid, they don’t try and blame it on the President.
Presidents have more important things to worry about than you trying to
resurrect your career with a cheap stunt. This one has to worry about trying
to convince people to reelection him and I doubt your ragged nipple plays
into that game plan. And please for the love of God, give Michael
back his erector set pieces. They don't belong on your nipple.
Scott
P.S. This is for Naomi Campbell: I promise
not to slapp you if you decide to show us what you have under that Victoria
Secret lace! In fact, it would be a public service, we have to show little
Timmy what a real nipple looks like! I’m sure Howard would gladly
pay the fine.
Scott Slapp is a professional
a**hole and rock critic, as well as antiMUSIC contributor. His biggest
aspiration in life is to become Eddie Vedder.
Your
turn.
Fan
Speak:
Posted by Scott:
eljacko, if you pay attention during the Super Bowl they make a big point about it being broadcast around the world. Big Dave pull your head out of your ass and pay attention. Go look for pics of the deformed nipple. Bush, Janet tried to play the backlash off as some political thing. Strawberry I will gladly stop 'hating' on the jackasses once they leave the public eye. Until then if they pop their ugly heads up with these stupid stunts I will continue to "hate" on them.
Posted by Big Dave:
Deformed ?Bush ? Naomi ?
HELLO ? What is this nuts problem ? What does the breast have to do with anything POLITICAL ?
It was an unexpected surprise, but inappropriate, considering kids were watching,and CBS cut away, but were they quick enough ?
Yeah, those crazy Jacksons can justify ANYTHING, can't they ?
It was partial nudity during a widely viewed TV program.
Deliberate ? You bet your MTV it was. Justins mock shock, and Janets dumb defense won't win either the academy award. But still it was just a breast- and not the prettiest, but please, not just to saqve a lame half-time show.
It would be more appropriate for the defunct gangsta-crap MTV.
MTV, where is the music anyway ?
Posted by Strawberry:
Stop hating on the Jackson's Especially Janet. I didnt see a deformed nipple, and hell no im not blind. What child hasnt seen a breast before? People need to lighten up, because they took it too far. If she said it was an accident well, dammit it was. Besides alot of people wouldnt have known what happened if the media didnt show it over and over. So blame them. Another thing, majority of the adult over reacted. The kids didnt even make a big deal over it. Just the simple minded adults. What the really needed to be focussing on instead of Ms Jackson breast was all this violence. This dying for oil and revenge Bush did for his father on Hussein.
Posted by eljacko:
Naomi Campbell? She's so phoney, she is grotesque in person, she hasn't got a mind of her own, she can't even answer simple questions on talk shows, she never ever stops holding her model poses which are almost as horrifying as MJ's nose these days.
Posted by eljacko:
2~seen 'round the world? so USA is the world huh?
Posted by eljacko:
1~it wasn't accidental was it? ppl on here ranting seem to think it was. she did it for attention of course. bad timing with her bro on trial though. dumb ass move. it is only a nipple though. a breast. and big deal to that. oooo..i saw a breast! whoopee. Americans are so hung up on boobs. The fine is pittance for CBS. It would be for Janet. So I'm sure if they knew before, they'd be willing to pay for it, for more publicity, that's cheap! PR costs loads usually.
In the States though, they do have dumb stuff like this in the media to take people's attention away from stuff like what is the prez and his administration up to. Quick they say find another scandal, anything, at all. CBS, who owns CBS? check that out. maybe it will click more for you then.
Posted by GREENMUSE:
5 brings such a good point.the nipple poked out to help what was otherwise a boring show.though w was totally behind it.he is the embodiment of the vast right wing conspiracy.
Posted by 5Against1:
If your life has deteriorated to the point where you actually watch the Super Bowl Halftime Show, you deserve whatever you get..."Oooh, I've gotta see this, Janet and Justin together!" You may as well put your head in the oven and get it over with.
Posted by cool guy:
It seems to me that during the time before the election almost every person wants to turn anything they can into something political. Like Scott said, how did her nipple have anything to do with G.W.B. The answer is it had nothing to do with him. I do think he is to blame for many things and it is getting to the point where some people want to blame him for everything. I think I will start by saying that W started the war of 1812. I know there is no way that it is true but what can I say, I like to jump on the band wagon and make everyone on it look stupid. One of the best ways to show people how stupid they are is by doing it to them and take it to the extremes. That way when they tell you that your crazy you just tell them that your not doing anything that they weren’t doing. See its not were all the bush bashing is at right now but where it could go. So remember stay trendy HATE BUSH. (Lord knows I do, that’s why they call me cool guy)
Posted by Mindskrew:
Aside from the fact that I COMPLETELY misunderstood and misread the first paragraph(its what I get for reading while eating) and aside from the fact that I dont think the nipple bearing was on purpose and personally dont see a big deal, your inferences to politics I do agree with.
In my original post I didnt see how one had to do with the other, again...a monumental mistake on my part.
Posted by Scott:
Man, I know people have a hard time putting two and two together but Mindskrew you take the cake. Politics, that's the whole point. Janet is blaming the backlash on W, saying it's a cover up attempt for the war in Iraq. Did that totally fly over your little head? How is that not relevant? Accidentally? yeah, sure. Times, she didn't make the lame scapegoat comments six months ago. I'm not a fricken mind reader. I wonder how we survive as a free country when people lack even a minimum of perspective. Hobo, I didn't see that one but just went and read it, good stuff. And to the dippies, go read his rant if you want one based on the "wardrobe malfunction" and the lameness that surrounded it. This one is about Janet playing cheap politics with it RECENTLY. That's why she needs to be slapped and some of you need to be slapped for taking things totally out of context. Aero, nice contradictions there buddy. If the FCC (or W or the Congress) had pushed for new laws, your argument would have been valid but simply enforcing the laws on the books is not a knee-jerk reaction, although your post seems to be a knee-jerk reaction to the FCC doing their job. So I'm an idiot because I reach the logical conclusion, while you go off on a tangent because of your biased politics. Ok, keep telling yourself that. Maybe the FCC has been lax in enforcing the laws in the recent past and this incident was a wake up call but I still fail to see how some partisans can bitch about them simply doing their job. Like I said in the article, if you don't like the law then tell your congressional representatives. Until they change the regulations, all the FCC did was uphold the laws on the books. That's the argument. Agree with the laws or not, they are what we have to work with and to use this incident for cheap politics is laughable. I have some fundamental disagreements with how W is running things but to blame him for the FCC doing their job is flat out stupid.
Posted by Mindskrew:
So your whole basis and rant is that you think she should be slapped for "accidentally" being exposed and showing her nipple and accompanying jewelry?
Furthermore, you spend the majority of the article relating things back to politics, W and Michael. Wheres the pertainance? To me...this article was indeed a waste of cyber space.
No relevancy whatsoever any longer
Posted by The Times:
Hey Slappy, why didn't you make this article 6 months ago when society gave a crap?
Posted by 5Against1:
Janet molested me a couple of years ago. She said we were just going to make s'mores and tell ghost stories. Don't believe her if she ever tells you that, she's very bad.
Posted by scaarry:
I do not think that Janet knew what exactly she was getting into (if ya know what I mean). She was obviously just taking the pop music seen to the next level really fast among other things, like her brother.
Posted by GREENMUSE:
i put the blame on mother nature,if she didnt make nippes in the first place,we wouldnt be in this situation
Posted by Aero:
You're an idiot. Do you honestly think the FCC's ruling was just them doing their job and not a HUGE kneejerk reaction from overbearing conservative moralists and outraged moms? For christ sake it was a nipple, who cares. However...her blaming the shrub administration is just silly, no excuse for that. Nor the nipple in the first place.
Posted by Hobo:
Cool rant man. Interesting how you mentioned Chuck and Deadsun though, check out a little rant that was up back in march called "Enter Into The Realm Of Hypocrisy" --- you might find it filed under 'The Hobo Rants.' No, I'm not suggesting you stole anything. Your article was a great deal more cohesive and relevant. I enjoyed it too. Cheers.