antiMUSIC is reluctant to present Slapped!
with Scott Slapp. Hes been bugging us to do this for a while. So we figured
what the hell, lets give him a shot at it. If he isnt assassinated by
an irate fan, Scott will check in with us every day to tell us who needs
to be Slapped.
As always the views expressed
by the writer do not neccessarily reflect the views of antiMUSIC or the
iconoclast entertainment group .
Slapp of the Day: Emo
Can someone please explain to me what in
the hell Emo is all about? Is it an abbreviation for the politically correct
term for emotionally inept dorks with sinus infections that like to whine
about stupid things? I may bitch about a lot of things but these
Emo dorks take it to a new extreme. I think we need to rename it Whine-O.
And who decided that nerds with guitars was a good idea? Is it the
only way these guys can get laid? Did they see a Motley Crue video and
say "hey, if those dorks can get women, we can too!" Now I'm discovering
there are even subgenres of Whine-O. Scream-O, Lame-O, and the new
craze in Mexico called Stupid-O. Isn't this just the dork's offshoot
of pop-punk?
Right now a few of you are saying, "relax
Slapp, these kids are just playing the music they love and besides they
are better than Limp Bizkit". But I can't relax. I just heard some idiot
in an interview last week say that The Ramones were the first Emo group.
Excuse me? Playing four chords and creating some incredible melodies and
memorable songs out of them is not equal to playing the same four chords
and whining about not getting laid. You're nerds, you are not supposed
to get laid! I see an Emo video and I think I'm watching 'Revenge
of the Nerds' set to suck-O music. The Ramones could be campy as all hell
but they were campy on purpose, Emo dorks are just dorks. They can't help
it and they are upsetting the balance of nature. Cool kids and stoners
turn into rockers. The jocks, jock each other off and become used cars
salesmen. Drama dorks move to Frisco or New York to try to become theatre
stars (Clay Aiken notwithstanding). Nerds launch multimillion dollar enterprises.
They are not supposed to try to be rockstars. It's the tradeoff, cool kids
(not trendy kids, they go into pop or middle management nothingness) get
laid a lot and nerds get rich the old fashioned way and find a nerd to
marry. It would be one thing if these nerds made good music but they
don't. The crap they play has no business anywhere in the rock world.
By giving these nerds a stage we are undermining the grand scheme of things.
The next thing you know the nerd that was supposed to discover the cure
for cancer instead opted for a 15 minute TRL career and millions will die.
While the rocker that was supposed to sell millions and make little is
forced to temp at your credit card company and screws up your bill (unless
of course your credit card company moved their operations to India).
Ok, I'll calm down now. At least we can count on the jocks still being
assholes and the drama queens still being pretentious. But this Emo stuff
has to go before it brings on Armageddon by continuing to rip a hole in
the time/space/dork continuum. So to all of the dorks that buy this
crap, consider yourself Slapped. And please stop. Really, the joke wasn't
funny. Stop right now.
Scott Slapp is a professional
a**hole and rock critic, as well as antiMUSIC contributor. His biggest
aspiration in life is to become Eddie Vedder.
Your
turn.
Fan
Speak:
Posted by dazy.:
you know that most of the fans aren't even fans because of the "emo" part, right? most of them just want to be fans because "emo" is the outcast thing to do, and because they're "underground." they can't very well have people liking their bands, can they?!
Posted by Anuj:
After reading and thinking about this a little, I downloaded some MCR songs. Not horrible, but nothing great either.
Posted by atf487:
At the drive-in, trail of dead and sunny day real estate are all musically emo and are amazing. Like all genres, you gotta sift through the crap to get the gems. Emo is just a scapegoat to blame cause its usually a negative connotation, and people think it's clever to diss it.
Posted by Porcupine:
For f*ck's sake, Colin...why don't you take a power drill to your frontal lobe and be done with it?
Posted by zee:
That, you intellectual giant, is the point.
Posted by Colin:
Way to grab hold of a "trend" that's been out there for 20 years. You're F*ing gay, and I find it amusing your name is so close to that turd from Creed's.
Posted by vivatforx:
funny, i thought emo happend a long time ago. sunny day real estate, built to spill, old modest mouse, texas is an outrage. just like punk, emo had an experiation date. if its gone mainstream, the movement has died.
Posted by peewee666:
I think whoever wrote this was drunk. I don't like emo either, but holy sh*t!
Posted by LithiumBliss:
Hey, I like Weezer and Fugazi. So what is emo now, stuff like Jimmy Eat World and Dashboard whatever? Yeah, that's some whiny crap. I'm still waiting for Emo Phillips to sue these clowns for jacking his name.
Posted by Yawn:
Blah Blah Blah
Posted by Blah Blah Blah:
Yawn
Posted by Scott:
I don't lump bands like Spara, C & C and ATDI in with the MTV Emo groups. I'm talking more of the TBS, MCR type bands.
Posted by Anuj:
Like most genres, there are a few good artists out there who'd fall under this category. Sparta (and their predecessors, At the Drive-In) come to mind. Thursday isn't that bad. And also, I've heard it referred to as "post-hardcore".
Posted by cool guy:
Ohjuststfu should take his names advice. The ramones and the clash are two of the most influential bands of all time. I am sure that they are even an influence to many crap EMO bands (like my chemical romance).
Posted by jon_davis_lover:
i think emo is kinda cool..i mean i like my chemical romance..
Posted by Everwhat:
Weezer did nerdy pretty well, as have others. All in all, I'd take nerdy over the insipid, oh-so-hardass grunting metal idjits who can't carry a tune (see: Phil Anselmo).
Posted by Porcupine:
Laughing. My. Ass. Off. Seriously, it's been five minutes since I read this and I'm still chuckling. Outstanding writing.
Posted by ohjuststfu:
Yes, Emo sucks, but I'd still listen to it any day over the friggin' Ramones (the most utterly over-rated band ever ... well, except for The Clash). I mean, did you ever see Joey Ramone in an interview? And you're throwing the term "nerd" around? Good grief, the guy was a pasty uber-dork. Or inbred. Or something.
Posted by aG:
I can already see that this is gonna be fun to watch. Gotta hear some of those stupid-o bands! Keep up the slapping Scott, I can't wait to read more of the backlash!
Posted by paparush:
Seriously, I have to agree with willy c. Your writing is atrocious. Nothing in the article was funny at all. I think emo is as retarded as any other trend, but you didn't say anything original or remotely funny about it. In fact, it pretty much just came across as whining, just like you accuse the emo kids of doing.
Posted by cool guy:
I always thought that the descendents were the first nerd emo band.
Posted by Brad:
Excellent work.
Posted by the voice of reason:
Fugazi? Emo? Hell no. Fugazi kick way too much backside to be emo. But Emo is, in my opinion, the new version of bands like styx and kansas, pre packaged arena rock with "sensitive" lyrics and girlie vocals so the real girls will lay em.
Posted by Scott Slapp:
I wish I could remember the moron's name. I was up in the bay area on the freeway half listening to some local station and heard those moronic comments which grabbed my attention. I can see how Emotional Hardcore can be linked as starting this pop offshoot, in the much the same way that metal gave us pop metal like Poison and Motley Spew but that doesn't take away from Fugazi anymore than it does to Black Sabbath. To my biggest fan willy c. Thank you! I am honored by your designation and that you cared enough to post! I don't know why you would expect a dissertation in a two paragraph "rant". If you want well thought out examinations of topics don't look here. I'm just having fun at other people's expense. I see that it is working because I struck a nerve. Please list your favorite bands, I will be sure to focus on them in future Slapps!
Posted by DeadSun:
In "letter", you are right, Razjml--- but I think that in "spirit" Fugazi was really the project that launched a thousand Emo acts. Regarding "Dance of Days" and "Money": agreed on both accounts.
Posted by Tony:
Who cares what kind of music these kids play and what they call it. It's just music! You don't like it, don't listen. I normally would not respond to this article, but you're a freakin moron.
Posted by Razjml:
I think Ian preceded Fugazi a few years with Embrace. They were even whinier than Fugazi. But I forgive them, because Dance of Days and Money both rock it up.
Posted by Mike Feranda:
yeah, i gave emo a little hell myself a while back... They all just need a big hug and i openly offer it... scott stapp style, with aarrrrms wiidde oooopeeneeeyahh uhhh huhh. Would someone beat him down with a bible, please.
Posted by Mike Feranda:
willy c - How dare you just hand out my title to someone else on this website.
Posted by willy c:
dude, you are the worst opinion writer ever. i've read a lot of opinion writers (mostly college kids with no idea what to say) and by far, you are the worst. thanks for showing all aspiring opinion writers what not to do.
Posted by GREENMUSE:
ramones are emo?i want that guys head on a pike.
Posted by dolly d.:
I'm terrified now!! You put my thoughts into words, great job!!
Posted by DeadSun:
"The Ramones were the first Emo group."... Who was it? I want to know who made that statement. For lack of a more articulate way of putting it: f*ck that f*cking f*ck. The first "Emo" band was, unfortunately, Fugazi. It started out as "Emotional Hardcore"--- then morphed into "EmoCore"--- and finally reached the peak of its ineffectual impotence with "Emo". That's right, kids. The "Emo" that drives us out of our angry red brains began sprouted forth from the intellectual loins of Hardcore deity Ian MacKaye (Minor Threat). That's the truth, the whole truth, and nuthin' but the truth. Pity.
Posted by Link:
Glad iam not the only one who hates this Emo stuff. To make it even worse though they all use the "Emo mike hug" Next time you watch a Emo vid (if you can bare to) look at what the lead singers doing with the mike, maybe he thinks its his mummy.
