with DeadSun

You've seen him in Fan Speak all around the antiMUSIC network, now DeadSun gets his big show as the host of his very own talk show,  The Not Quite-So DeadShow ! Forget Oprah and Dr. Phil, DeadSun knows how to liven up a talk show. 

disclaimer for lawyers and dumbasses: Please read the disclaimer before proceeding with this article. the disclaimer is included here-in by reference.

If you are under the age of 17, this article is not meant for you so please bugger off. For those too lazy to click what follows is parody and celebrity a**holes are impersonated

( Cue lights and the Misfits' Static Age )

Host DeadSun: Welcome--- this IS the Not Quite-So DeadShow. Take your seats, its ALL here. Random hostilities, unfocused lunacy, and free-flowing sarcasm--- so let's kick it off with a little news. 

Our top story: a strange, new blend of cheese was unintentionally created this week. When Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst and singer Courtney Love accidentally bumped into one another this past Wednesday, the collision left behind a clumpy residue which one local health official said "could only be described as something which smells like sharp cheddar, and had the texture of a pasty Wisconsin spread." Said one scientist at the university of Illinois, "in one experiment, we fed some to an out of work bag piper quartet, and they threw it up." When asked to comment, Durst raised his arms above his head, and was quoted as saying "me big Fred".

In Phish news, the band is reportedly bumping the release date of a live album project... apparently because they've been recording the first track, non-stop, since late September. The fans, undeterred by the nine-day long instrumental "jam", are still sticking around the fairgrounds. A DeadShow correspondent was able to interview one of the fans, who identified himself as "an aquarium" :

Correspondent : "Are you planning to stick around... if the song keeps going?"

"An aquarium" : "Whoa, man... Your HEAD man... I ... it looks like... like an ORANGE PUDDLE, MAN!" 

DS: Well, that's all from the Phish camp--- ( off camera ) and someone fire that  correspondent.

Before we bring on our guest, a disturbing visual:  Joseph Stalin, wearing a diaper.

Now : our first guest needs no introduction. She's a former First Lady, and is currently a Senator from the great state of New York. Please welcome to the DeadShow... Hillary Rodham Clinton. 

( Cue flashing applause sign. Cut to interview sequence in quaintly lit room, DS and Hillary are comfortably seated in high-backed chairs. )

DS : "Good evening, Mrs. Clinton."

Hillary : ( nods )

DS : "First question : the likelihood of your decision to run for the Democratic presidential candidacy in 2004 has been the subject of much speculation--- have you in fact made a decision on the matter?"

Hillary ( annoyed ) : "Look--- how many times do I need to explain myself to the American people? (pounding right fist into left hand ) Those accounting records were misplaced, and I was COMPLETELY unaware of Bill's philandering until the Monica Lewinsky story broke. You probably haven't even READ my book."

DS: "Is that a 'NO', Mrs. Clinton? That is to say, that you AREN'T going to run?"

Hillary: "Well--- ( narrows eyes ) that all depends on what YOUR definition of the word 'no', is. It could be something entirely different than my own." 

DS: "Fine. Now--- Mrs. Clinton, it is now known that your husband had numerous affairs behind your back. What reason would you offer up to the American people, as an explanation for this?" 

Hillary: ( opens her blouse )

DS: ( solemnly ) "Mrs. Clinton--- in the name of God, and all that is holy, you must never... NEVER... show another living soul the HORROR that you have just shown to me." 

Hillary: ( nods emphatically )

DS: "--- and you also might want to dislodge that Twinkie from whatever it is stuck to. It looks really old and... nevermind. Now, getting back to---"

Hillary: "Look buddy, I NEVER lied. I knew nothing.  Bill duped me. He exploited my womanly frailty." 

DS: "Mrs. Clinton, how many moons are currently orbiting your ass?"

Hillary: "Well, six that I know of. We've hired a private team of astronomers to track down what could be number seven, but that's a lot of area to cover." 

DS: "Well, we're just about out of time--- any parting thoughts."

Hillary: "How would you like me to make your life a living Hell, you rude, pompous twat?" 

DS: "Ah... so you ARE going to run for president. Any other parting thoughts?"

Hillary: "The vending machine in the lobby is out of Baby Ruths."

DS: ( motioning to security ) "Get her out of here... please... before that seat absorbs any more of her personality. Now we're going to bring on our next guest. He's made a pretty big name for himself in the Rap entertainment industry... I'm speaking of course... about Snoop Doggy Dog. ( again with the applause signs ) Come on out and have a seat, Snoop." 

( struts out, grabbing at his pants, and drops down into the chair )

DS: "Well, before we begin, I'd like to thank you for agreeing to come on the DeadShow. I know that there are a lot of people in the viewing audience who are curious as to what makes a complex man, such as yourself, tick." 

Snoop: "Muh ' fuh ' n playaz puttin' dey hands in da air n' sh*t."

DS: "Um... right. Moving on : you've gone on to become a very successful artist in the entertainment industry. How hard was it for 'Snoop' when he was first coming up in the business?" 

Snoop: ( leans forward, beats on his chest, and points a peace sign horizontally at the camera ) "Strappin'. Damn bustaz be trippin... can't fade mah sh*t... PHAT."

DS: ( rubbing chin thoughtfully ) "Hmm. Fascinating stuff, Snoop."

Snoop: ( grabs crotch ) "'Ho be gettin' wit dis. 'Ho be gettin' wit dis."

DS: ( shifting position in seat ) "Wow... that is pretty wack. Heh heh. Let me ask you : what is your overall assessment of the state of geopolitical relations today; that is to say, relations between spheres of power which clearly have differing interests, yet at the same time are compelled by a common understanding of the vital importance of the cooperation between sovereign nations?"

Snoop: ( thinks for a moment, leans back at the waist, and crosses his arms in a bold manner ) "Rollin' in da coupe. Pow pow. Punk'ass bitches all up in deez nutz."

DS: ( looks around, confused... long pause... looks back down at cue cards ) : "Okay-- next question. Throughout the ages, humankind has long struggled with the attempt to form a viable hypothesis which would explain the nature of the role that the human race plays in relationship to the universe in which it lives... any thoughts on that, Snoop?"

Snoop: "Shizzle izzle nizzle diggity dizzle... n' sh*t."

DS: "Um... are you saying tha---" 

Snoop: ( makes hand into a gun-like shape, and points it at the camera ) "Dee-zam! Sack o'dat Chronic sh*t." 

DS: "Well, I think that's about all the time I have for today. Join us next time, when P Diddy will offer up his views regarding a field experiment which studied leadership theory, and interpersonal relations as they affect the performance of organizational structure. Many thanks to the lot of you, and special thanks to antiGUY... technically, this is all your fault. This is the Dead Sun, signing off."

( role credits, cue Motorhead's Killed by Death )