Weezer ???

(Weezer/Special Ops) 02/14/92 - Weezer - Rivers Cuomo, Matt Sharp, Pat Wilson and Jason Cropper - is born after 3 days of steamy rehearsals in a tiny room in West Los Angeles. Jason gets nude, thinking he's in sauna. Luckily the other guys in the band can play music with their eyes closed.

05/12/92 - The Garage of "In The Garage" fame is claimed as the band's. The garage comes with a house, which quickly comes to resemble Delta House in Animal House, minus the girls, togas and actual space to live in. The landlord is told the band is actually UCLA students studying classical music. Though the landlord lives next door, the band somehow manages to avoid eviction despite full volume rehearsals past midnight with the space soundproofed with trashed rolls of old carpet. Meanwhile, drummer Pat begins suffering from Struggling Artist Syndrome while living in an unheated garage.

Spring 1993 - After a year of slogging through the clubs of LA, Weezer makes a fresh commitment to stop sucking and get signed to a record label. Confidence soars to new slightly less low lows, and they do get signed, in June to Geffen Records, when their tape is discovered by an A&R man on a desk of a colleague who had already passed on the band.

08/10/93 - Records 1st album, at Electric Lady Studios in NYC, with, to the band's astonishment former Cars frontman Ric Ocasek. Ghost of Jimi Hendrix stops by to turn all the amps up to 11 during lunchbreaks. Brian Bell, one of the sassiest guitar players in rock history, sasses into place as the new guitar player with raised eyebrows and comfortable shoes.

12/10/93 - Inspired by the clean cut look of the early Beach Boys and homely Sears Portrait Studio family photos, Weezer digs up famed 60's fashion photographer Peter Gowland to shoot the cover for their first album at his exclusive home studio/60's pad. Little did they know Mr. Gowland had a clone of the Brady Bunch's "Alice" on site working as a milk-and-cookies-serving den mother.

05/10/94 - Blue album released. The first week sees sales of 600 copies, prompting careful tallying of everyone’s friends and extended families. Only 550 people are accounted for, prompting an intensive nationwide search for the remaining 50 people. The record sells less in subsequent weeks as relatives can only buy so many records.

05/22/94 - The Berkeley Square club, Berkeley, CA - Weezer sets the bar high by putting 2 people on their guest list. Neither one shows up, in fact no one shows up to the show, and by the band's accounting practices they become the first band to play in front of negative 2 people. Band concludes none of the 50 non-relatives who bought the album in the first week live in the Bay area. 05/31/94 - Booked into what turns out to be a "battle of the bands" in Arizona. Loses.

July 1994 - On a bill shared with a viewing of the 1975 film "Rollerball", the band reads the video treatments for "Undone - The Sweater Song" during the song's spoken word segment. Most people left the show after the movie, but about ten people get to hear some of the 200 treatments most of which involve the destruction of a sweater. Ultimately the band will opt for Spike Jonze's idea involving a pack of dogs and a blue room.

08/06/94 - Winnemucca, NV. Matt somehow kills the van with a squirt-gun. McGyverality ensues. The band ponders this sign from the gods that maybe they should just set up shop in the desert and work at the 7-11. But unbeknownst to the band something begins to happen. Strangers, people the band has never met, start hearing Weezer on the radio and buy the album.

09/01/94 - Shares a bill at a county fair in Kansas with...Kansas. Ironic smiles light up the Weezer nation.

late 1994 - Buddy Holly video released, revitalizing dormant cultural adoration of Fonzie. Fans start to seriously outnumber relatives. Things get weird for a band whose ambition was simply not to suck.

11/19/94 - Ace Frehley of KISS shows up to a show at the Academy in New York City, praises the band. Childhood KISS Army member Rivers stunned.

1995 - One big freakin' tour, until September, when "Buddy Holly" wins Best Alternative Video and Best Director at the MTV VMAs. Rivers does what all musicians doing the rock star thing do by enrolling in Harvard University. He's surprised to learn that no member of KISS ever attended the school. Recording of second record done during Harvard's Christmas and Spring Breaks.

08/18/95 Rivers meets KISS tounguemaster Gene Simmons at the Unviersal Amphitheatre in LA. Like Frehley before him Simmons praises the band. 2 down 2 to go!

09/16/96 - Band's second album Pinkerton released. Injunction immediately served by Pinkerton Security, over the use of the name. No one in Weezer had ever heard of Pinkerton Security before.

10/23/96 Pat and Matt supply an unplanned encore in Japan with an improv song about the McDonalds Hotcake Set breakfast. (pronounced 'hot - a - cake -ee SET.") lyrics: "Hot, Hot, Hot-a-cake-ee". Worst song of all time. Fans mosh anyway.

Early 1997 - After failing to get reviewed till the '96 year end issue, the 1997 Rolling Stone Critic's poll names "Pinkerton" the second-worst album of the year, behind Bush's "Razorblade Suitcase". Later, in a 2002 poll, RS readers vote Pinkerton #16 in the Greatest Albums Of All Time list.

01/01/98 - Weezer's 3rd album NOT released. Strange Mysterious Time #1 for Weezer begins. Rehearsals, writing, soccer, black bedrooms, confusion, re-assessment. Two years go by before the band re-emerges with a new bassist Mikey Welsh, a clutch of killer new tunes, and a huge cult following.

06/15/00 - Weezer plays for the first time in 3 years, to surprisingly large and adoring crowds. It begins to occur to the band that maybe they've been missed.

05/15/01 - Green Album released. Debuts at #4 on Billboard top 200. The requisite T&A for the album's first video "Hash Pipe" is supplied by... sumo wrestlers.

late 2001 - Rivers attacked backstage by karate using ex-fan, who apparently assumed the band were sumo champs now. Brawlairity ensues.

9/11/01 - First day of the Midget Tour with brand new bass player Scott Shriner. Show cancelled of course, due to national tragedies. Scott looks to the skies and wonders, "Am I being told something?"

5/14/02 - 4th Album "Maladroit" released. Debuts at #3 due to the clear message on cover.

2001- 2002 - Midget Tour, Extended Midget Tour, Hyper Extended Midget Tour. Tour naming guy out sick for, like, 8 months. He gets back in time for the epic summer 2002 Enlightenment Tour.

2003 - Strange Mysterious Time #2 for Weezer begins. Phases, cycles, movements, rehearsals, sessions, mystical experiences, classes, more Harvard for Rivers, songs up the wazoo. No album though. The goal: top quality new material over all else. Somewhere in here, Rick Rubin selected as producer. And there was much rejoicing.

2004 - While Strange Mysterious Time #2 for Weezer continues, the bands 1st DVD "Video Capture Device" and The Blue Album Deluxe Edition are released. And there was much rejoicing.

Fall 2004 -Turns out we've got an album shaping up here. And there was much rejoicing.

5/10/05 - Eleven years to the date from the release of their 1st album, "Make Believe", their 5th, is released. And there was much rejoicing.

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