Singled Out: Novacaine Nothing's Closure
Ever since I completed the demo for 'Closure', we all kind of knew in one way or another that this song had some sort of significance. It is definitely the most melodic number on 'Noughts & Crosses'. We were between two drummers at the time and when Jamie tracked the drums we were somewhat taken aback. Considering I had programmed some stupidly impossible MIDI drum track as a reference point, Jamie really captured the vibe I was going for and made it so much better. I think that was the point that I (if not all of us) realised he was the drummer we needed. In my opinion the guitar and bass work (most of which was improvised in the studio) was far more creative than anything else we'd ever done.
As the title suggests, the song is about finding closure and resolution in a personal journey. I wrote the verses as a sort of poem when I was around sixteen and really feeling the fallout of my addiction and the emotional and physical strain it was having on me. Being at my parents house in Hong Kong and away from the life I knew back in the UK had left me feeling very isolated and I guess I dealt with it the way any hormonal teenager would. While under the influence, I used a broken piece of glass to cut myself across my abdomen, chest and arms, and walked through the house in a somewhat pensive mood watching my family sleep. I thought about dying or just ceasing to exist and it not having any effect on my mother: I kind of just wanted to disappear.
In retrospect it was most likely the unfortunate cocktail of teenage hormones and alcohol that caused this pathetic moment of self-centered deprecation. Anyway, I wrote the verses later that night after returning to the living room couch I was sleeping on and the sun was beginning to rise.
The pre-chorus and chorus were written later that year when I had a similar moment while my ex was sleeping one night and I thought about dying, but I guess it was more of a romantic idea of what I wished I could do if I knew I was going to die when the sun came up.
When it came to demoing the song two years later I pieced the two together and added a middle eight. The music in this section left me with an almost euphoric sense of relief. I wrote the last set of lyrics "…I have etched all these noughts and crosses…" on quite a positive note that completely changed the vibe of the song, and so it ended up being the name of the EP too. I would like to say that writing the song was some huge spiritual journey for me but it really wasn't. It was three moments in my life where I just so happened to write lyrics and serendipitously created a song out of them.