EVVAN just released her new single "I'm Not Done Yet" from her forthcoming "Home" EP and to celebrate we have asked her to tell us about the song. Here is the story:
I had the best time recording "I'm Not Done Yet" with Milo Greene and Sean O'Brien. It was fascinating watching Sean work with his guitar tones and creating these textured sounds that truly gave such depth to the song. Hearing the tweaks and suggestions the Milo Greene members, Graham, Marlana, and Robbie, had to bring this song to life, seeing them work on a piece of my music that held such a deep meaning to me, experiencing their camaraderie and collaboration to make the best product... it was a treasure and something I will remember always.
When I heard the final mix of this song for the first time I cried. Everything buzzing around in my head had come together and turned into this anthem of my inner thoughts. But, that was not the end of my struggle. I was able to express my pain and the awful feeling of society telling me how to live my life, but there were still hurdles I had to jump. The LGBTQ+ community as a whole still has hurdles we have to jump.
The lines I wrote in this song mirror what I've heard from people in my life. "Cover blown, blown away... They say, come back another day." Essentially, years ago, I was outed by someone I trusted, someone I thought was a friend, someone who knew I wasn't ready and didn't feel comfortable or safe being who I truly was. I should "come back another day" because talking about it will only make it worse. I was better off sinning in silence, so to speak.
After this person outed me, eventually I found books to read, characters I related to on TV, celebrities in real life who were showing me I wasn't alone in my hidden battle. They were telling me it was okay to be who I truly am and even if I wasn't ready to come out, "I still carry it," I still carry my truth with me every day.
When I finally embraced that motto of "I'm Not Done Yet" and allowed myself to fully dive into who I am, it was freeing and revelatory. When I wrote this song I knew I was pansexual. I came to that conclusion after years of self-exploration, but I couldn't figure out why that wasn't enough. Why did I still feel out of place? Why was I a stranger in my own skin?
I started replaying "I'm Not Done Yet" religiously at one point, listening to what I was telling myself. I tried to dissect the hidden secrets my words held. I would vomit out my thoughts to those closest to me until I finally came to realize who I truly am, nonbinary and proud of it.
This realization came with an outpouring of other realizations. I had had this gender dysphoria that would terrorize me as a kid. Why did I want to wear something inherently masculine? Why did I enjoy looking feminine the next week? Why were those the only choices I had? Why couldn't I just wear what I wanted, look how I wanted, FEEL how I wanted without society feeling the need to micromanage my thoughts and label me as who they believed I was and should be?
Today, there are still people who don't understand who I am and people who don't even try. That's okay. I truly believe one day it won't be a second thought in anyone's mind anymore. Despite those who have tried to knock me down, I will always carry my true self with me. I'm Not Done Yet. I will wear it on my chest and scream it at the top of my lungs. I'm Not Done Yet. I'm Not Done Yet. I'm Not Done Yet.
Hearing is believing. Now that you know the story behind the song, listen and watch for yourself below and pre-save the EP here