The slapps are flying this week, so get ready for a roller coaster thrill ride of slapp action!  Ok, not really. I just feel like bitching about a few recent news articles.

But I want to begin not with a slapp but with a couple of kudos. Congrats to Charlie Watts for his victory against cancer.  I also want to commend Nikki Sixx for coming out this week and putting those horrid rumors of a Motley Crue reunion to rest. The last thing we needed was to see that horror show on the road. Besides Tommy is busy jumping on the reality tv bandwagon. Mick is recovering from hip replacement surgery (Get well soon Mick, I mean it). Vince is out doing some kind of solo tour promoting sobriety of all things. That's a bit like Larry Flint promoting abstinence. So now Nikki can gather up Tracii, his hairdresser/singer and hit the road again with BoD and remind us that even some guy they pulled out of a beauty salon is a better frontman than Vince. 

Now on with the Slapps.   

Q Magazine: Double slapps to Q. The first one is for getting our hopes up about a Pink Floyd reunion. I'm sure the rumor sold some magazines but this rumor seems to pop up every couple years and it's always bogus.  

The other slapp is for their recent "Top 50 Bands Of All Time" list. The title is misleading to say the least. It should have read the "Top 50 Most Commercially Successful Bands in the UK," because that list has nothing to do with who is the best and everything to do with who is most popular. But even that system was misleading as they didn't take the total career of these bands into account, they only took their most successful CD, their biggest UK concert and their UK album chart position.  Even given that, there is absolutely no excuse to have Dire Straights ahead of the Beatles, Nirvana and Metallica.   And how in the hell can you have Wham! and the Backstreet Boys ahead of Pearl Jam? These popularity contest lists need to be killed. I mean "Friends" was a top rating show for years but that doesn't mean it was the best "quality" show on TV, nor should it be remembered 5, 10, 20 years from now.  Clay Aiken, Ludacris and Jagged Edge had the top 3 selling albums in the U.S. a year ago this week but that doesn't make them better than then Outkast who was at number 4. 

NBC: On Monday NBC will treat us to yet another "awards" show. This one is the Radio Music Awards. Do we really need another awards show?  Doesn't everyone and their brother have an awards show these days. Hell, even the crap free kittie litterbox liner give-away rag here in L.A. called "All Access" has a silly awards show. What's next? Three guys in the bar down the street awards?  What is worst is the categories and selections of these awards shows.  This Radio Music Awards only has three categories: Hip-Hop, Country and Adult Contemporary. It's so sad that they have Celine Dion going up against Uncle Cracker.  And NBC wonders why they have no viewers.  Enough with all these stupid awards shows. 

Gene Simmons: I really had to laugh at Gene Simmons calling Ozzy sad. He trashes Ozzy for having a hit reality show and this joker has been trying for the past couple years to get his own show.  Gene shut up and go think of a new schemes to rip your fans off with. 

Courtney Love: Did you hear that this basket case thinks she would make a good governor? I'm not kidding, Courtney told Rolling Stone that she wants to beat her felony charges because she wants to be governor.  We have a lot of joke politicians but if Courtney gets elected to any office that is the sign that Armageddon is upon us. 

ABC News: ABC made a hell of blunder a couple weeks ago when they posted their canned obituary for Sharon Osbourne. They blamed it on a mess up with new servers but if that was the case why didn't we get to read Fred Durst's obituary?  Can you imagine them struggling to write that one?  (Use the fan speak to write one if you wanna give it a shot). 

Mark David Chapman Supporters: I was shocked to read comments from the peanut gallery across the web giving their reasons why Mark David Chapman should be set free. I saw one idiot that criticized those that think Chapman should rot behind bars. This deep thinker blasted others saying they "participate in NOTHING for society except senseless prophecies of malice" and suggested we should try and empathize with Chapman.  Sorry I can't do that. I'm not a nut case murderer and no amount of touchy-feely newage head-up-your-ass philosophy will even give me an inkling of empathy for a cold-blooded murderer. As aG said in the Fan Speak of the anti article on this topic,  "At least they (killers) get appeals for their life, unlike their victim."

U.S. House of Representatives: These bozos have nothing better to do than to pass a law that will lock up people that share mp3s. Yes, it's against the law and it's wrong but jail for stealing the latest Missy Elliot song?  Shouldn't we lock up "artists" and record companies that put out crap that isn't worth paying for? I mean it's not like we have murders, rapists and terrorist to worry about.  Oh, I know I'm just being a prophet of malice, we should let all the killers and rapists out of jail to make room for kids that steal Metallica mps. 

Final Slapp � Rock The Vote: I couldn't believe this supposed "non-partisan "voter education" outfit came out this past week with bogus draft cards warning stupid kids that if they don't vote for John Kerry they will be drafted.  I have as many problems with Bush as the next guy but there is no way in hell he would be able to reinstate the draft and has said point blank that he wouldn't. What's worst is the House voted on a draft bill and it only got 2 votes. If you have to use a bogus issue to motivate people to vote for your guy then you may have deeper problems then a non-existent draft. To give equal time, I have to slapp the Bush campaign for the way they handled Kerry bringing up Chaney's daughter being a lesbian. Yes it was wrong and it did appear to be a calculated political move by Kerry but how can you turn around and in a calculated political move use it denounce him in stump speeches?  I for one will be happy when this election is over and we are stuck with just one of these bozos to bitch about for the next four years.    
 

That's all the slapps I have for you right now. You can bitch and moan in the Fan Speak about this one if you are so inclined. I just felt like bitching about stupid things this week.