I'm feeling lazy today and still trying to recover from the gawd awful all-star rendition of "Across The Universe" from Sunday night (who did they think they were, Elton John?  Don't change the fricken words! That performance will change your world alright; it will make you lose your fans!)  Anyway, since I'm in no mood for a full blunt force slapp I thought I would do a no-brainer slapp for today. So ladies and gentleman (and Motley Crue fans) today I shall slapp Bill O'Reilly!  If anyone needs a good slapp, it's this putz. 

Bill O'Reilly cost me $300 this past weekend. I was forced to fork over my not so hard earned dollars to buy a TV for my bedroom because of Bill O'Reilly. You see my roommates have an unhealthy obsession with Mr O. Every night at 5:00 (PST) we can't watch real TV because for some reason my roommates just have to watch this vapid excuse for a political talk show. I bitched and bitched to try and get them to change the channel but it was no use, they have become Billdroids. They're lame excuse that they are just killing time until Dennis Miller comes on doesn't wash with me. 

Why do I dislike Bill O'Reilly so much?  What's to like?  I think Bill has enough love for himself that there is no room for anyone else in the world to love him.

I don't care about his politics.  I've heard him characterized as a "right winger" or "conservative" talk show host but I don't buy that description. While I'm not one to side with conservatives (Go Nader!), I think it's just mean spirited to all the real conservatives to try and lump O'Reilly in with them. Let me explain. Most partisan talking heads or hosts actually have convictions and beliefs.  After being forced to watch this blowhard, I honest don't think he believes in anything aside from his ego and pocketbook.  It's actually pretty humorous watching him kiss people's ass in order to try and land an interview.  Think back to the O'Reilly's laughable election coverage.  Right after he kissed Michael Moore's ass, he started pandering to John Kerry and he never tired of giving an on air pitch for an interview or ignoring things you would expect a rightwing blow hard to harp on (swift boats anyone?).  He calls it being fair but I call it good old fashioned ass kissing. He did the same for Bush, while he more or less ignored all of the third party candidates because they wouldn't bring big ratings.  So much for fair and balanced. 

That's one thing I've discovered about Mr. O, his opinions seem to be directly tied to what will give him the best ratings.  He's on the right one minute, on the left the next. It's pretty dizzying to watch the "no spin zone" with O'Reilly spinning so.  But that's not the worst thing about this putz.   

I'm not a psychiatrist, but I did take psych 101 and know how to google, so I think I'm pretty qualified in this instance to diagnose O'Reilly with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).  A quick google turned up this description: 

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following: 

Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) 

Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) 

Requires excessive admiration 

Has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations 

Is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends.

Lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others 

Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her 

Shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Sound familiar? (Some of you will say it takes one to know one, but you know where you can stick that diagnosis Dr Phil.) The biggest vomitous aspect of Bill O'Reilly's show is that everything is about him. It doesn't matter what the topic is, or who he is interviewing, you can expect the prevailing word out of his mouth to be "I".  It can be about breast cancer and O'Reilly will figure out a way to make it about himself.  The funniest moments are when he is interviewing someone with a book out; Bill will almost always slip in bits about his own books.  Take this test, the next time you watch his show count how many times he speaks in the first person. You'll be amazed.  (But don't try that with my column).  

Another good test is before you watch O'Reilly read his viewers mail, go back and read that description of narcissism again and pay attention to the mail he chooses to read.  

And don't forget to buy all that factor gear! 

Ok, I'm not a doctor, and I don't want to hire a lawyer so I can't state for the record that O'Reilly has this disorder or any other but from being mildly observant I can tell you definitively that he is a tool.  

I don't know why people watch his show. What is the big attraction of watching a self-important asskissing panderer spending an hour talking about himself and trying to get you to buy his products?  I wish he really was a rightwing blow hard. I could at least respect him for believing in something besides himself, or disagree with him over tangible beliefs, but from what I've seen he seems to be a garden variety opportunist. He appears to only believe in whatever will get him ratings, sell his books or products, or land an interview which will help the first two things. That and it gives him an opportunity to talk about his favorite subject, Bill O'Reilly.  

Well Bill, now that I have spent my cash on my very own TV, the spin finally does stop here from me and I won't be forced to tune in to the most ridiculous item of the day� your entire program.  (I had to address that last part to him directly; he wouldn't have had it any other way).   The only way I would suffer through O'Reilly on TV again is if he somehow teamed up with another famous suspected narcissist by the name of Michael Moore for a celebrity death match. Hell, I'd order that on pay-per-view. But I'd doubt it would happen since they would both insist on getting top billing.  Such is the problem with tools and narcissist.   

Now before I go, be sure to check out the Scott Slapp store for all your favorite Slapp gear. Premium members be sure to log in and vote in the Slapp poll and don't forget to be on the lookout for my new book, "Who's Slapping Tools for You?" 

The Slapp stops here. 

Oh yeah, stop laughing Hannity. You are next! 
 

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