silly-tv: our look silly look at the silliness that is television. What can be worst than most of the garbage on tv? Why our parodies! So sit back, enjoy and don't switch that dial.
Que Station Identification: You are watching the Rox News Network. Fairly Unbalanced. We distort, you abide!
Que antiFACTOR intro
Camera one Bill O'Really: Hello, I'm Bill O'Really and you are watching the antiFACTOR. Tonight on the factor-- Pepsi Vs. Ludacris. Pepsi gives into ludicrous blackmail demands. Is it really in the name of fairness? Our guests include Ozzy Osbourne and filthy mouthed rapper Ludacris. Then later on in the factor we discuss rock n roll and reality TV with members of Motley Crue. Warning, you are about to enter a "No Win Zone"!
Before we get to that, here is tonight's "Talking Head Memo".
Que Story Board. "Bill O'Really, Man of the Year! Why I rule!"
Bill O'Really: I wanted to talk about something important tonight, Me! There is a reason the antiFACTOR is the number one rated tabloid news program on the air. Me! Not only did I expose the Red Cross funneling money away from victims of 9/11 but I held them responsible to make sure the money people donated went to the families of the victims. If it wasn't for me, they wouldn't have gotten a cent. Then I made Pepsi drop the filthy mouthed Ludacris from their advertising. Let's see Phil Donahue do that! Speaking of Phil Donahue, I am so popular that I creamed him in the ratings and caused that other network to cancel his show because YOU, the viewers, want to watch Me and my no win zone! It's all in my book, go to BilloReallyRules.com and get your autographed copy today. Because I am an overall great guy and the best man on earth, I have named myself the antiFACTOR Man of the Year! Nobel eat your heart out! I rule and those other guys suck!
Bill O'Really: That's our "Talking Head Memo" for tonight, (Que story header: Ludacris Blackmail.) now let's move on to our main story. Ludacris blackmailing Pepsi. Joining me tonight (on twenty second delay) is the filthy mouthed rapper himself, Ludacris, as well as the star of the hit MTV television show the Osbournes, Ozzy Osbourne. We are also joined by Tipper Gore and ACLU attorney Nathan Goldberg.
camera on guests
Bill O'Really: Welcome to the factor:
Ludacris: Up yours you (bleep) whitebread mother(bleep) (bleep) (bleep)(bleep).
Bill O'Really: Mr Ludacris, you can speak that way on your albums but please refrain from such language on the factor.
Ludacris: (bleep) you, you mother(bleep)!
Bill O'Really: Ozzy, how do you feel about Ludacris and his buddies using you as a pawn in their blackmail game against Pepsi? I know that the language your family uses on the Osbournes isn't the best but I could only find a couple of instances where your music contained sick language. In fact, I was shocked to find so many positive messages in your music.
Ozzy:jsklsnnkks;kks, ummmmmmmmm, don't believe ummeishghth they did that. SHARON!!!!!!
Bill O'Really: What do you have to say to Ludacris now that you face him man to man?
Ozzy: (bleep) you mannnnn!
Ludacris: See mother (bleep) that's what I'm talking bout. I offer my fans a positive role model for the young African-American male. This turkey runs round eatin' bats and pissin on the Queen.
Ozzy: I didnnnn'tttttt piss on the (bleep) Queen! I pissssedddd on the aaaa aaaa Alamo.
Bill O'Really: Talking about your bitches and hoes and popping caps in people's asses is positive?
Ludacris: Mother (bleep) right, mother (bleep)! You don't get it. Trying to brainwash us with your racist mother (bleep) show! Damn straight, mother (bleep) gotta learn to get theirs. Slap them bitches, slap them mother (bleep) hoes and if the man try and break you down, pop a cap in their mother (bleep) ass!
Ozzy: wmmeeyhhhh aaaaaa
Tipper: I caught my daughter listening to an elicit CD the other day. I was shocked! It was promoting smoking marijuana! I told Al he had to run for President again so we can keep this trash away from our children.
Ozzy: whhhattt (bleep) song was that?
Tipper: I wanna hold your hand.
Ozzy: I wanna hold your (bleep) hand? Are you mad?
Bill O'Really: Isn't your daughter in her twenties?
Bill O'Really: So you want to censor what your adult children listen to?
Tipper: Yes, but..
Bill O'Really: Answer the question!
Tipper: You won't…
Bill O'Really: Remember this is a "No Win Zone", answer the question.
Ludacris: Yo, (bleep) lay off the cracker mamma!
Bill O'Reilly: So Ludacris, you pressured Pepsi into giving millions of dollars to your foundation. What exactly does your foundation do?
Ludacris: I set it up to help mother (bleep) disadvantaged yoooths to get there's, ya know. We help da kids from the mother (bleep) hood learn bout what's important, yo! It's all bout hoes an' bling, bling. We educatein' the young brothers to be proper pimps and da young sister to be proper hoe bitches. It's what it's all mother (bleep) bout.
Ozzy: Pimps and hoes? Immmm the prince of (bleep) darkkkkness and have been getting (bleep) all these years for singin about how bad (bleep) suicide is and this guy's teaching kids to be pimps an hoes? SHARON!!!!!!!!!
Ludacris: Yo Ozzy, send that fat little brat of yours over to my foundation. We teach her how to act mother (bleep) proper and be a proper hoe, stead of spoiled brat. My bitch talk like her, I smack her ass!
Bill O'Really: Mr Goldberg, you haven't said anything. What do you think about Pepsi promoting music with such disgusting lyrics? And then paying blackmail because Ludacris threatened them with a boycott.
Nathan Goldberg: Ludacris has a constitutional right to be as filthy as he wants. As long as he doesn't pray in a classroom or use the word God in one of his songs, the ACLU will defend him to the end.
Bill O'Really: Does the same go for Mr. Osbourne? He mentions God in his songs.
Nathan Goldberg: If he is advocating a positive belief in God or gun ownership then we can't help them. But we will defend him if he wants to practice his free speech rights by urinating on a church and calling it art. The constitution protects his right to free speech and freedom from religion.
Ludacris: That's right, mother (bleep). I gots da constitudional right to be a mother (bleep) pimp ass mother (bleep)!
Bill O'Really: We are about out of time for tonight, I'll give Mrs. Gore the last word.
Tipper Gore: We need positive music for our children like "Sing Along With Mitch" and "Puff The Magic Dragon". Parents should all get together and burn your children's CDs and elect my husband so he can tell you how to run the rest of your lives….
Bill O'Really: Thank you all for coming on The Factor. You are all wrong and I'm right.
Bill O'Really: We will have you back again sometime to discuss that. Now don't touch that dial. We will be back with the stupidest item of the day, praise mail and our special guests Motley Crue, who will be here to discuss rock n roll and reality TV.
Fade out to commercial.