Heartscore - Straight To The Brain
by Eric Bodrero
- Straight To The Brain
Warning: This record may cause severe neurological, emotional, physical, sensual, sexual, auditory, sensory, and/or respiratory damage, and may cause severe self abuse with spiked clubs, baseball bats, shards of glass, swords, knives, really big rocks, frayed ends of electrical chords, chainsaws, nooses, rusty machetes, wild rabies-infested chimps, or any other object that you can pick up with one or both hands and/or teach how to attack on demand. Other side effects include vomiting, diarrhea, bleeding hemorrhoids, chronic ulcers, foaming of the mouth, bleeding from the ears, severe cramping, and genital failure. Do not listen to this record while taking a bath with electrical appliances nearby, handling firearms, operating a motor vehicle at high speeds, pouring molten metal from a large cylinder, in close range of a red button that controls a large crane that could potentially release a five ton piece of steel beam, trying to escape a blazing wheat field fire, or any other situation where your life could be in jeopardy.
On a lighter note, if this is what the German rock scene is like, count me out. This sounds like the worst stuff my high school’s garage band never recorded. My editor told (warned?) me that this is pretty cool after a few drinks. You could down a whole keg and still want to jump off a ten-story building while listening to this. One of the many problems I have with Heartscore is that it drives you to drink. I think all fifty Heartscore fans are raving alcoholics.
In case you’re still not sure where I stand
with this band, just heed this advice: unless of course you’re from Germany,
avoid Straight To The Brain at all costs, which is exactly where you’ll
want to sink that drano-filled syringe.