My brain, when in the midst of crushing on someone, is of a dual nature. There's the omg-I-like-this-person-so-much-everything-is-sparkly part, and then there's the omg-why-am-I-doing-this-I-hate-myself part.
The first part is fun. But that second part - the self-analyzing, self-loathing part- has always been so interesting to me. Why do I beat myself up when I have feelings for someone?
So I wrote a song about it. I realized that the beating-myself-up thing comes from feeling like a complete and utter cliché. Girls get labeled "boy crazy" way more often than guys get labeled "girl crazy", I think, like the only thing that consumes our head is luuuvvv.
But here's the thing: when I like someone, they really do consume my thoughts. I can barely keep a straight face when I hear someone say their name. I "keep turning corners" with the tiny hope that they will- for whatever mystical reason- be "standing there waiting for me". (Yes, I am quoting myself, I promise I don't do that in daily life.) (OR DO I??) (I don't.) (Have I lost you yet? Parentheses!!) I search for hidden messages in the books I read and the movies I watch like they contain some prophetic sign that we will one day be together.
After three years of playing "Cliché", I finally get that that whole mentality is actually just… human. It doesn't take anything away from you as a person. It just means you're feeling extra extra sparkly, and what's the harm in that?