.
Screw the mainstream
if you really want to get your rocks off you have to go to the underground.
That's just what we plan to do with this series, take some of the best
emerging bands that are out blowing away hardcore fans on the underground
music scene.
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Bill - Batman
By Joannie Foney
Aspiring musicians, send your demos to
Grasshopper Records!! They'll release literally anything, apparently. I
plan to record my kids squabbling & arguing & carrying on like
a pack of rabid lil' monkeys as classical music plays in the background
to submit to this company. Soon we'll be breakfasting on lobster tails
& truffles, we'll get to throw away our clothes & dishes after
just one use, we'll buy a new car every time the radio station plays a
song we don't like rather than changing the dial & we'll put Tiffany's
on our speed dial. I just can't wait till luxury is squirting out our pores,
hosing down everyone who comes to within a 30 foot radius of us as we become
the royalty of the mid-west, cheerfully giving autographs to all of those
who 'knew us when'. If Lindsay Lohan can get a 5 record deal, my kids should
get at least 2 records out of the deal. Watch & wait, loyal fans!!
The record company of Hope Alaine, possibly
in a suicidal depression or a weird act of desperation after her latest
musical bomb have pinned their hopes on the new release of Bill's, "Batman".
Initially I feared that this singer with Down's Syndrome was being exploited
by some greedy, heartless monsters determined to squeeze a profit out of
the mentally handicapped. After touring the website (& reminiscing
about funny ol' Hope & her pitifully weak & bad release) I have
more questions. Why has this album been released? I'm sure every proud
mama & papa love their lil' dumplin pies & think everything they
do is swell, but should they attempt to make a profit off of it? Should
Junior's finger paintings go up for sale on E-Bay as though they were Brittney
Spears' 1st grade book report?* If someone mentally handicapped was being
exploited, is this something the mass market should encourage by purchasing
their product, even if it totally rocked?**
According to the website, Bill was an
integral part of recording this album, not only singing, but naming the
tunes as well as this release. It was a relief to read him being referred
to so respectfully, as though he was something other than a weird novelty
they just wanted to use to sell albums to sympathetic Joe Cocker fans.
There is not even a word about his condition, though the pictures make
it obvious that God made Bill "special". Hopefully every word on that website
was as trustworthy as the Bible, the people behind the scenes are just
letting Bill do what he loves, Grasshopper Records is the most gracious
label on the planet, and when Bill got tired, they let him be done for
the day rather than forcing him to keep going for just 'one more take',
I have no idea. I know if I were unscrupulous & greedy & this guy
was my hoped for ticket out, I'd have him in that studio from 3 am to 11
pm until the album was finished, I'd jam a fast peanut butter & jelly
sandwich with a side of tap water down his throat when he got hungry, and
I'd scream at him & verbally abuse him when he got too tired to continue.
(Heh, heh, heh, my kids just better watch it!)
Well, for the morbidly curious, this is
an incredibly interesting & original album. I can honestly say I have
never in all my many, many, many years alive on this planet heard anything
even remotely this unique. I wonder if they had played music behind Bill
that Joe Cocker people like, if they'd have a smash hit on their hands,
a large following of groupies, and their own plans for spending the obscene
fortunes lavished on today's entertainers.*** Bill's incomprehensibility
is jarring, though his voice is actually pretty (if that's an OK thing
to say about a guy), showing a better range than a lot of singers today,
and demonstrating a lot more innate talent than any of the pop tarts on
the music scene at any given moment, who suck by nature as well as by choice.
In fact, now that I think about it, if all the music I liked on the planet
disappeared, and I was forced to choose between the dross found on teeny
popper radio, or Bill's release till I got even older & croaked, I'd
go with Bill's & never look back with regret. The songs all sound like
each other due to the vocals, though all the tunes are different, mid to
fast-ish tempo generic rock music.
All but one tune sounded totally original,
and all provided Bill with the perfect musical accompaniment for his singing:
not too loud in the hopes of drowning him out, either.
I think I'll close with the words about
him from his website, as I have run out of things to say about Bill &
his release. Actually, I fear someone will take something I wrote the wrong
way & accuse me of advocating a Margaret Sanger-esque eugenics program
in the record industry:
BILL is exactly who he appears to be.
One of the great singers and entertainers of our time, BILL has the audience
command of Sammy Davis, Jr., the vocal range of Captain Beefheart, and
the emotive power of Ray Charles. He loves to sing and perform, and has
been blessed with the quality most sought-after by singers: unselfconciousness.
His art is an exhilarating ride of wild highs and lows, at times funny,
baffling, and tender. He will veer from gentle ballads to down-on-the-floor
hard rock, defying expectations at every turn. A song will
seem to be done, only to have BILL instruct the band, "Hit it!" His voice
swoops, hollers, pleads, croons, and groans, often switching
without warning. Surprisingly, he leaves no one behind, except maybe those
trying to catch every word. Our advice: there isn't any time! Just follow
the singer, he won't let you down.
Ummm, 2 or 3 stars, I guess, I just don't
know. He deserves more stars than Hopey or Lindsay is the only thing I'm
fully convinced of. If the music playing away behind him was a heavy, rockin'
thrash fest, I'd probably like it enough to buy his other one, too. Joe
Cocker fans might think this is a heavy, thrashin' jam fest, though! They
might like it a great deal, buy one for them & keep Bill from becoming
a burden on the taxpayers.
* Be on the lookout for my
kids' homework coming soon to E-Bay! Their homework is impressive enough
for you to plagiarize for use in your school, if you want to!
** remember, I said "EVEN
IF it totally rocked", which is a vast universe apart from, "EVEN THOUGH
this totally rocks!"
*** If Bill's people take
that suggestion & he becomes rich & famous, send my portion of
the royalties to the Special Olympics & fax me the receipt.
CD Info and Links
Bill -
Batman
Label: Grasshopper
Records
Rating:  
Listen
to Samples and Purchase This CD online
Visit
the official website
(editors
note: Jack Osbourne does not actually appear on this album, but we do know
that Bill is a better singer than Kelly)
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