Well, as the New Year inches closer and closer to us all, I think we should take a moment and reflect on some of the wonderful things 2004 gave us:

Let’s see, where shall we begin?  Well, there was Janet Jackson’s nasty ol’ boob flopping out all over the Superbowl.  To this day, I’m still amazed at the uproar, the indignation, and the heavy fines levied in the wake of Boobgate.  That just doesn’t seem right to me.  Where is all of this righteous indignation when you really need it?  (Like when Ashlee Simpson got her own reality show?)

Speaking of poptarts with over-inflated egos (among other body-parts), we recently discovered that neither Ashlee nor Lindsay can sing live.  (How come nobody gives their kids normal names anymore?  Those two names got “Stripper” written all over them.  So does “Tara”, but I digress.)  I’m a fan of Pop Music, but it’s in pretty sad shape recently.  As a matter of fact, let’s make it official; Pop Music is dead.  

Speaking of dead, ODB died and I’m not sure how I feel about that one, yet.  I’m not entirely sure exactly what his contribution to hip-hop was and how his passing is going to change the landscape of rap music.  However, like most dead rap stars, ODB is still putting out albums, so it may be a while before we know exactly what it’s like not having him around.

Speaking of not having someone around, Ray Charles also passed on.  The man was a genius and there’s no question about that at all.  I’m sorry he died before he got a chance to see the biopic “Ray”, starring Jamie Foxx.  (Same thing goes for Rick James.  I miss ya, Rick.)  In the words of The Lemonheads, it’s a shame about Ray, but since he wasn’t really going to see the film anyway, no big loss there.

Speaking of no big loss, Courtney Love hasn’t been seen flashing her boobs or flapping her lips in NYC lately, so there’s hope that maybe, just maybe, that fifteen minutes of fame is coming to a long-overdue end.

Speaking of a long-overdue end, Michael Jackson recently gave up a little DNA for the prosecution.  I still think it would have been easier to scrape it off one of the accusers, but what do I know about Neverland fun & games?  Seems to me that the parents are still to blame here.

Speaking of blaming the parents, I can only thank the Good Lord that Mr. Simpson has no more children to parade in front of a television camera for our amusement.  It’s embarrassing what some people will do for a little notoriety, isn’t it?  (I mean, self-indulgent quasi-monthly columns in online music magazines notwithstanding.)

Speaking of a little notoriety (and judging from my last slew of reader comments), apparently Clay Aiken and I are the best of buds.  I’m not entirely sure when the Clayster and I became drinking compadres, but welcome to the pleasure dome, my boy.  

Speaking of American Idol’s contribution to the national zeitgeist, am I the only one who thinks Rueben Stoddard needs to lay off the twinkies?  He’s pretty much got his own area code these days. 

Speaking of Idols who need to keep their mouth shut, I hear that William Hung, Hong Kong’s answer to Ricky Martin, will be releasing a Christmas album.  But what’s worse is that you can go to his website and actually tell both him and the world why you want to marry the man who would be Hung.  (I have GOT to try that on my website.)

Speaking of naughty nuptials, my girl Britney has gone to extreme lengths to make me jealous in the past, what with pretending to be in love with that boob-exposing Timberlake kid and even getting a quickie “made you look” marriage and annulment in Vegas, but this time I think she’s gone a bit too far for her own good.  Bad Britney!  Bad girl!   

Speaking of going too far, what the hell is up with all these web “blogs”?  I mean, just because you’ve got an internet connection and an attitude doesn’t mean you’ve got anything worthwhile to say.  (antiMUSIC writers excluded, of course, since every word we tap out is practically freakin’ Shakespeare compared to those other hacks.)  Why is it so many people just can’t keep their opinions to themselves?

Speaking of a sudden dose of reality, when the 2008 election rolls around, do yourself a favor and keep your mouth shut, Hollywood.  There’s raising awareness and then there’s not knowing when to shut the hell up and doing more harm than good in the process.  Learn the difference.

And speaking of knowing when to shut the hell up, that’s my two cents, now gimme my change. 

And Happy Freakin’ New Year.
 

Chuck DiMaria is Los Angeles based musician, actor and antiMUSIC columnist (his resume goes on). Check out his website ChuckDiMaria.com for more of his writings, MP3s and more (be sure to read about his adventures in online dating!!) Plus be sure check out the site for his band Under Pressure.

Your turn. 

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