GREENMUSE is a regular reader
and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily
reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy
what he has to say!
Previous Musings
.
An Infiltration Into
The Halls Of Yore
Whats it going to be eh? This month as
your friend and humble narrator Ive put down my hatred for all things
Avril chastity belt and have taken up an undercover job of the highest
degree. As most music fans Ive been wondering, what goes on with the rock
n roll hall of fame and above all who votes on who gets in. So I garner
the most appropriate vehicle for this task off a woman named "sunflower
morning dew" a kooky old lady who lives down the road who makes a living
as a yoga teacher. I noticed one day parked in the back of her yard was
the epitome of 60's culture, a 1962 23 windowed Volkswagen Bus, complete
with rainbow mural on the side, and suns painted around the headlights.
After a bit of talking she let me have it for nothing "because I had an
aurora of someone who has great things in store for him." As she plopped
the keys to it, in my hand, I knew then and there she was right. As I opened
the door I was hit immediately with the smell of patchouli and countless
other smells that had accumulated during the 40 or so years this thing
had been in service. A bit of the smell might have had to do with the mushroom
garden that occupied the backseat. Soon I was home packing my gear into
this rolling piece of history and preparing for a long trek to Cleveland.
I made it there in 6 hours, my van is fast fool, but not as fast as Mr.
T, he would have made the trip in 8 minutes flat.
As I pulled up to the building I quickly
jumped in the back and broke out the "greenmuse damn good disguise kit"
and quickly made myself over into a classic mullet, but carried in some
other bits in case I needed them in the uber cool fanny pack. I strolled
through the door to begin looking for the nerve center of this place, but
all I find is the usual rent a cops and the like milling about. I debate
looking at all the crappy disco memorabilia, and other things from obscure
one hit wonders from the sixties. Finally I made my way to Jimi Hendrix,
when I hear voices exclaiming stuff like "man that new song by Frampton
is far out man!" with "man" being drawn out into like a 4 minute word,
I quickly leap behind a trash bin, and watch 4 chubby skulleted men in
tie dye press the tone button on the painting of Jimi Hendrix. After doing
so a door opens and the quartet goes inside it.
Very interesting, I thought as I dashed
into the nearest restroom and donned my own overweight hippy uniform, emerging
looking like a acid trip version of David Crosby. I strolled over to Jimis
magik strat, and pressed the button when no one was looking. Then I quickly
ducked into the door, as it snapped shut behind me. Quickly Im suffocated
by the same smell as my Volkswagen Bus. Choking I use my David Crosby hair
to filter most of it out.
I sneaked down the steep steps, I started
to hear voices coming from the bottom of the stairs, behind a door. The
door opens and one of the men steps out, without thinking I kick him in
the crotch with my now Birkenstocked feet, as he drops to his knees, I
notice he looks like how I do, but his name badge says Carl, so I
steal it from him, and use my handy dandy chloroform to knock him out.
Its now or never, so I stroll into the secret room very casually, another
David Crosby look alike asks me "what was that noise maaaaan" coming
to the quickest explanation I could find, "um those notdogs give me gas,
uh maaaan" luckily they believe me and let me sit down. (I guess tofu not
dogs really do give people gas) I sat there and soon there came the agenda
of the meeting, the induction of the Banana Splits! Perhaps the only rival
the Monkees had in pure 60's kitsch, but the splits are much more entertaining,
and talented than their Monkee counter parts.
So when it comes time to vote, everyone
raises their hands, and thusly the Banana Splits are nominated to be voted
on next year. Then all the members begin singing the Banana Splits theme
song, and I, to my horror, realize I dont know all the words!. Around
the middle of their first verse, the head David Crosby look alike notices
the vacancy in the song. His eyes lock onto mine, then narrow into little
slits. After the song is over he announces "there is a stranger in our
midst" and walks over to me and jerks the wig off my head. The two other
David Crosbies along with the representative from the Banana Splits, drooper
gasp in horror. Next thing I know Im back in my home in Florida. But I
do remember most of the nominations for next year: the Banana Splits, Josie
and the Pussycats, Archie and Archies. To make along story short, the
hall is run by out of touch hippies, stuck in a time warp, and only having
bands like The Clash inducted to keep up the front that it takes impact
to make it into the sham of a what they call the rock n roll hall of fame.
Greenmuse loves
to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at greenmuse@antimusic.com
(he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was
this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...)
Fan Speak:
What do you think
maaaaaaaannnnnn?
Fan
Speak:
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