GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

This month Greenmuse does something a little different, he takes us into the wonderful cinematic world of "American Mullet", which was just released on DVD by Palm Pictures. 
 

American Mullet

Format: DVD
Distributed by: Palm Pictures
rating:  x300(yes it's that good)

Mullets, does anything else really sum up the rock n roll lifestyle? If you like mullets, and by all rights your should, then this DVD is right up your alley! There are more mullets than you can shake a stick at on this thing, lesbian mullets, motorcycle mullets, Billy Ray Cyrus impersonator mullets, you name it, it’s got it. Well aside from really stereotypical white trash mullets, which while funny, are really over exposed and not representative of the entire mullet culture, this documentary is very well done, and respectful to the mullets it showcases. Forget “Bowling for Columbine”, this should be an Oscar winning documentary.

One of the best mullets on the DVD is the Billy Ray Cyrus impersonator (though he claims to have had his entire style before Billy was famous). This is a man who takes care of his hair, you will never see a more perfect head of hair anywhere. NASA doesn’t even build things to these specifications. In the special features section there is a feature on advanced mullet cutting techniques which shows this man at the barber. The barber is a man who knows his craft and takes pride in his work. So much so he uses a straight razor to help get rid of stray hairs that will not lay flat. This is the Golden Fleece for any who aspire to have a mullet that rivals the Greats. Seeing this man’s mullet is worth the price of admission alone, apparently the makers of this film thought along the same lines, and his face graces the cover. 

My favorite mullet as far as personality goes was this guy who works as a DJ at a country bar, but his heart is in rock n roll. he even goes as far to state, ”rock died in 1992, when all that grunge came.” Here is a man who knows what he wants, and will not buy into what passes for rock today. He even goes on to name some of the worst of what the 80’s had to offer, Winger, which really goes against the tough guy image that mullets are supposed to have, and by all rights his mullet club members card should be stripped from him on the spot, but he redeems himself by naming Motley Crue and Poison.

one of the things i was surprised to see on here was side hackin, a type of motorcycle race where the motor cycles have sidecars and they race around a dirt oval, now I haven’t seen this since seeing a bad 70’s movie called “Sidehacking”. I believe Ron Howard was in it (you may be a big shot director, but I know your past, Mr. Howard. Does the phrase, ”Ron Howard pops the clutch and tells the world to eat his dust ring a bell?? Sorry enough of my anti Ron Howardness). Well side hacking has come along way since the 70s, now the sidecar is basically just a 3rd wheel and the passenger that used to ride there hangs on to the other side of the motorcycle. These guys must have bollocks so big they have to duct tape them inside their pants so they don’t drag them around the track and the guys behind them run over said bollocks. 

This race was a mullet hotbed but the one guy they interviewed was the king of them all; a huge New Zealander with mostly shaved head except for the man of his mullet, and a beard that would make Bob Ross turn green with envy. His mullet and beard help set him apart from the rest of the riders, because after all, everybody wearing helmets really makes everyone look the same. 

There is also a plethora of femmullets here, and 99% of them are of the lesbian persuasion. For years it’s been an association no one has understood, yet nobody has asked out of fear. Just why do lesbians wear mullets? The makers of this film took this challenge and reported back to the mullet loving masses; the reason being is it’s both butch and fem. Which really makes you think twice about Mr. Badass working on his Camaro down the street huh? One of the women on there made a very good point,”it’s funny how lesbians and men that would never associate with lesbians both share a common hairstyle”. 

I could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. This movie is a very tasteful and informative glance into the world of mullets and some of their achievements. One pair of mullets is innovating motorcycle rider’s safety, another mullet grows his locks to give to locks of love who makes wigs for kids with cancer, which is very cool.

Learn more about the DVD by visiting AmericanMullet.com

Greenmuse loves to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at greenmuse@antimusic.com (he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...) 

The Jesus Mullet picture came this site.
 

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