antiMUSIC is reluctant to present “Slapped!”
with Scott Slapp. He’s been bugging us to do this for a while. So we figured
what the hell, let’s give him a shot at it. If he isn’t assassinated by
an irate fan, Scott will check in with us each Tuesday to tell us which
rock star needs to be “Slapped”.
First up on the block to be slapped?
Motley Crue
As always the views expressed
by the writer do not neccessarily reflect the views of antiMUSIC or the
iconoclast entertainment group .
Motley Crue Needs To Be Slapped!
I was floored when I read that Motley Crue
was thinking about a reunion. What genius decided this? Do we really
need to see a drunken overweight Vince Neil stumble across the stage with
his stomach hanging out, salivating over the 35 year-old groupies in the
audience that can’t figure out that they haven’t had the figure for those
sized 2 spandex since 1986? Is Nikki getting aroused thinking of the mullet
convention that a Crue reunion could create? Did Tommy fall of the
last bandwagon he was trying to jump on? The last I checked that fool was
trying to get in on the dance scene and was thinking of changing his name
to t.diddy.
Anyone remember the last time the Crue
had a big reunion? Of course not. No one cares! Nikki you may have
died and come back to life, but dude you career isn’t going to. Put a fork
in Vince, that puppy is done. The idea of a Motley Crue reunion only makes
sense if you are interested in a nostalgia tour where the world will wonder
who is more pathetic; the clowns on stage trying to recapture their lost
glory or the middle age people in the audience trying to relive their wasted
youth. The kids could care less about Motley Crue. Remember how you
viewed The Monkeys, the snickering over the album cover that you found
in your parents record collection? They were a dated joke of a band that
your parents listened to. Hate to break it to you, but that’s how kids
view Motley Crue.
Hey Nikki, you know those old men on the
beach with Bermuda shorts and black socks? Dude, that’s how ridiculous
you guys will look on stage in your Motley getup in 2004. It doesn’t
matter which one you use. If you go with the ‘tough’ leather gear from
‘Shout’, you’ll look like rejects from a Village People fan club meeting.
If you go with the lame glam crap from ‘Theatre’ you’ll look like models
for a geriatric special edition of the Victoria Secret catalog. My
stomach turns just thinking about it.
Remember your own words, “Those that have
the youth, have the future.” Well guys, you have neither. It’s time
to retire the lipstick and spandex. You already rode that pony into the
ground. And sorry to tell you, that pony had one trick and it’s all shot
to hell and was put out to pasture where it belongs. Besides, with
Pamela’s involvement with PETA, Tommy is likely to get into a boxing match
with her and get thrown in jail if you decide to beat that dead horse again.
Dude, it died, dude. Let it rest in peace. Consider yourself slapped!
Scott
Scott Slapp is a professional
a**hole and rock critic, as well as antiMUSIC contributor. His biggest
aspiration in life is to become Eddie Vedder.
Your
turn.
Fan
Speak:
Posted by SS:
What a half a dozen childish posts that make arguements like "you suck" "your website sucks" "your just jealous" "you must like the Backstreet Boys" etc. The irony is these posts sound exactly like what you would expect from teenie boppers (eg BSB or Limp Bizkit fans). Now I "loose"? Did you mean lose? Maybe you got confused by a "loose" groupie. If you don't agree with me fine, but come up with a real arguement about why the Crue still matter and arn't really "The Monkeys" of the 80s. You won't change my mind but at least it will be a better response than "you suck". This rant was just me having fun at this washed up band's expense. It sure touched some nerves! Gotta love it. And you gotta love that Nikki admits that half of their albums were crap. But that's another story. Have a nice day!
Posted by livewire1982:
well scotty... looks like to me you loose
Posted by SS:
What did the Crue groupie say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"
Posted by TommyIsGod:
Dude... First of all Motley put out 2 KICK A$$ records in the 90's and survived passed the hair metal era... Dont be soo f*ckin ignorant and know what you are talkin about before you post sh*t... I am only 18 and LOVE the crue and have many friends the same age and younger that are also into the Crue... So in the words of Nikki Sixx.. SHUT THE F*CK UP. And the editing on this piece of sh*t website SUCKS
Posted by CRUE:
Wow this was the CRAPPIEST article ever written and I should sue you for having to read it. The crue still rocks, and to prove they still have young fans, I am 18 and a DIEHARD crue fan. Oh, and newsflash: this site BITES almost as hard as this article does.
Posted by Dude:
I think you're site sucks. Real original. Try again......
Posted by Noneya:
F*ck you Scott.You don't know sh*t.Why does the website have morons like Scott working here?
Posted by livewire1982:
Quote"Hi, im a famous dangerous lion and please don't hate on Motley Crue! Roar! and for the comment made below by www.Lucidmusic.s5.com, do not, i repeat, do not hate on Scott Stapp, he is one of the best music songwriters to roam this earth...ROAR! so for that, im gonna take a bite out of your stupid f*cking a$$...ROAR! LEAVE SCOTT ALONE, and go down on yourself you pricks ROARRR! Lucidmusic.s5.com, go F*ck yourselves....meow." lol what a dumb f*ck
Posted by SS:
I can't believe that all Crue fans are this retarded. I could be wrong though, they do seem to be proving the point. Who would have thought Tommy Lee would be the smartest in the bunch.
Posted by livewire1982:
lmao who is this jackass motley is dead lol yea right... dude i hat to reak it to you but there are tons of crue heads still around some old and some new motley will never die it's a machine it's a way of life for some motley has helped me through alot in my life so i hate to tell you but you should stay home and listen to some music more your style like umm.. back street boys or something oh and btw consider yourself slapped bitch
Posted by Simba:
Hi, im a famous dangerous lion and please don't hate on Motley Crue! Roar! and for the comment made below by www.Lucidmusic.s5.com, do not, i repeat, do not hate on Scott Stapp, he is one of the best music songwriters to roam this earth...ROAR! so for that, im gonna take a bite out of your stupid f*cking a$$...ROAR! LEAVE SCOTT ALONE, and go down on yourself you pricks ROARRR! Lucidmusic.s5.com, go F*ck yourselves....meow.
Posted by Gumby:
I have been a clay actor for 50 years, and me and my pal pokey are still alive and kicking and we love the Crue...but please get over it, the Crue rules...and you suck cock for pennies on the dollar. Who is scott? oh well, go continue to suck cock for hardly nothing!
Posted by Jed:
MOTLEY CRUE RULES.. U R JUST PISSED CUZ U COULDNT HAV THE LIFE THEY DID U LOSER...4 M CRUE!!!
Posted by Groper:
Eddie Vedder was a pimple on my backside 'till I popped him off!!! So I'll be happy to get rid of Mr Slapp in the same way!!!
Posted by SS:
Since Tanya and Kim are the same person or at least using the same computer, it's not surprising that you agree with eachother. If you disagreed then that would be a problem.
Posted by Tonya:
well I guess that makes me an exception too, and quite a few other people I know. I love how your so ignorant to believe everyone younger isnt into them. I just hope I'm not so self riteous when I'm your age.
Posted by Kim:
Who's this "we" you speak of? For the most part, you're standing all alone.
Posted by Kim:
Buddy, who's this "we" you speak of? For the most part, you're standing all alone.
Posted by LithiumBliss:
I agree with Axl Von Stradlin, G'n'f'n'R music was the cream of that crop. But no one cares about Axhole Rose any more. He ruined a mighty band which should be looked at even today as legendary. Why was G'n'R so great? Because they mixed PUNK into LA GLAM, and achieved greatness. Remember, Duff came from Seattle.
Posted by Joey:
ACE: No staying power? Kiss started it in '74 - Skid Row was the end in '91 that's a pretty long time dude!
Posted by Scott:
Wow 26 is middle aged? Dear Kim, I think you are the exception rather than the rule. So we'll laugh at you too.
Posted by Kim:
I am a "youth of today" and I for one am a huge Motley Crue fan. Of course, you are a middle aged man who knows nothing about the mind of teenagers today, so why don't you speak for individuals who you may actually know something about? Like possibly one of those fans you were speaking of? The ones who look on their wasted youth? You'd fit right in I'm sure.
Posted by LithiumBliss:
You AquaNet huffers crack me up. Vince Neil wouldn't amount to a pimple on Vedder's left butt cheek. Crue was influential? Yeah, to influence kids to dress like fagolas. Remember the immortal words of El Duce - "heterosexuals have the right to rock!"
Posted by Axl Von Stradlin:
The ONLY 80s band that could re-unite and cause huge interest is GUNS N ROSES. The reason is that their MUSIC is timeless. On the other hand Motley's music sounds dated and nostalgic. Is Mick Mars even still alive? I think theyre just carrying him around like in Weekend At Bernies. Also its a joke for Tommy Lee to play drums after hes been acting black for the past 5 years. Motley Crue was the 80s version of Limp Bizkit. A novelty act, plain and simple. Theyre more known for their Vh1 special than their music nowadays.
Posted by Ace:
Hair Metal was the NuMetal of the 80s. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but it just had no staying power. Sh*t, that really makes me wonder what the guys in Linkin Park are gonna look like in 10 years.
Posted by Steve:
It says here that Scott Slapp's biggest inspiration is to become Eddie Vedder, which really speaks volumes. Case closed. Scott Slapp is just another groaning man in flannel holding on to a short-lived 90's trend. Hey, say what you will about the Crue, but they've long out lasted anything a grunge band ever accomplished. I'm a kid and I listen to the Crue all the time! What does this clown Scott really know? You don't speak for the youth of today, cause we have respect for our metal roots!
Posted by GREENMUSE:
i dunno,when i was kid,i LOVED the crue,i also LOVED poison.but unlike black sabbath or even led zep.these bands cannot hold up outside the decade they were popular in.im not saying they arent talented,tommy lee defintly can play some drums,but that wont make "shes goes down"or any of their other c0ckrock tunes nostalgia trips.bands should never reunite.it needs to be a crime actually.
Posted by D:
Sorry dumbass but at least The Crue's music makes it to rock radio station not the lolly pop one's so grow up and see the CRUE.
Posted by Sassy:
M.C. is still respected by lots of music lovers for their talent. First of all, they could actually sing and play their own music, unlike alot of the stuff on the radio now! Their talents have not died. Look at the other bands that are a thing of the past, Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, ect.; would you say their music is expired too? If so, you're not very much of a "professional rock anything."
Posted by Jake:
I was a HUGE crue fan, and I still enjoy listening to their old stuff...but I wouldn't waste my time or money to see these guys in 2004.
Posted by aG:
I'm sorry but that T.Diddy? line is priceless! From the looks of the Fan Speak, Scott got what he wanted =)
Posted by B:
you are a damn idiot!!! the crue was one of the best rock bands in the 80's and they deserve to go out with a bang, not just fade away. go to a show and you will see how little you know about music!!!
Posted by Damion:
You know, Metallisux, I was not defending Crue, READ before you spout out a load of rambling nonsense. And I did not say I hated the column, I just said he needs to slap the right people and check his facts. If you notice, I did say to slap away at the Crue IF they become like KISS. As of this moment, they are not. Let's all pray it stays that way. As far as who calls MC an influence, ask ANY respectable drummer out there, post-crue. Most will tell you that watching Tommy Lee behind the kit was awe-inspiring and yes - influential. A true talent and a true showman, too bad he's managed to screw all opinion of him personally up in recent years with his antics. Nikki Sixx is also well respected and influential as a songwriter, look at all the past Crue material, who's name is on nearly all of it? Sixx. And I said MC influenced musicians, sorry, I should have clarified that. As Showmen, Creators, and Talented Artists (debate the last part, it's opinion) Crue have influenced alot of musicians, deal with it. No one is taking their influence and saying "Wow, I need to do drugs and beat my wife", duh. Read my post BEFORE you try to bash me.
Posted by daedae:
Y'know...I don't care one way or another about motley crue... but the fact of the matter is that this editorial or whatever you want to call it just isn't funny. Its only redeeming entertainment value is indeed the morons yelling back and forth about who sucks more, crue or the person bashing them.
Posted by MARCOGOP:
First off, this guy is a joke. Bands of today can't play worth a damn which is why they need ten guys in their band like Linkin Joke or Slipcrap. I'll take a bloated Vince anyday over your nu-metal. Mick Mars can nail the riffs,Tommy can play better than anyone,Nikki kicks ass,look at his wife, and well Vince will always keep the party going!
Posted by Nikki Sixx:
You all know what I'm gonna say in response to this...dude, I died, dude!
Posted by Zane:
Is Mick Mars capable of touring?
Posted by Metallisux:
Fantastic, Mr Slapp! Look at the morons come out to defend "the crue". lets look at these idiots one-by-one: "ACCURACY!!!" has he filmed the makeover yet? when is the tour? will the said makeover take place before said tour or will he die under the knife? at this stage he's still a fat tub of lard. and thats accuracy. "Classic Crue along with classic Metallica are cited as 2 of the most influential groups for musicians today, myself included" WTF?? what- do you take smack and beat your girlfriend? or just whine into a mic? I cant think of 2 worthwhile muso's who call MC an influence. "Slapp is a retard" and "Use your own name,Retard!!" O...K... I am to presume then that you are Mr/Ms Rocker then am I? Maybe even Retard Rocker? Is Nikki Sixx his real name on his birth certificate? Mick Mars? dont think so, R Rocker. "can't be killed by conventional weapons" HAHAHA, wanna bet? but who would bother? it would take the fun out of them making fools of themselves! "The Crue will kick your ass." again, only if you're a woman or they have a piece of wood in their hand. "Crue is one of the originals, like Aerosmith or the Stones" You've got to be kidding? those bands have been touring constantly since the 70's. MC only just made it through 1 decade. "Scott's just jealous he doesn't look good in leather" ahhhh... next he'll be a hater! get one thing straight. MC dont look good in leather either. no one does unless they are riding a motorcycle fast enough that it might save their lives. If you changed 'bike' for 'gun', 'girl' for 'ho' and 'cash/car/etc' for 'bling, bling', youve got about as much stupid content as any current rapper. Thank you Mr Slapp... I loved it! May there be more columns to come... MANY MORE!!
Posted by Jabroni:
Who the hell is this guy and why should we care what he says?
Posted by Whatever:
I think you should make yourself the focus of your next article. Or Hobo. Talk about two obnoxious prima donna mofo's who need to be bitchslapped.
Posted by the mook:
If that was really Scott Stapp, much props. I used to like Creed, then I hated Creed. I used to hate Scott Stapp. After reading that, now I kind of like him. Can you do Staind next or Maroon 5?
Posted by Damion:
First problem with this column: ACCURACY!!! We all know how pathetic Vince Neil is, but he will not be "a drunken overweight Vince Neil stumble across the stage with his stomach hanging out". This guy needs to do his research. In a move of ultimate patheticness, Neil is filming a reality show now, ala Extreme Makeover. Lipo, personal trainer, diet, plastic surgery. Pathetic, yes, but the gut will be gone. Second: Classic Crue along with classic Metallica are cited as 2 of the most influential groups for musicians today, myself included. Sure both have ran their once great names into "the Dirt" (I know, bad pun). But I truly beleive that so long as they don't pull a "KISS" and have twenty something "farewell/reunion/gimme-more-money" tours that they can end this thing on the high note it should have. Now, the column here -could- be decent, if you slap the right people! Slap Jani Lane, Fred Durst, Scott Stapp's ego, Lars' greed, Hetfield's sobriety, etc. You get the point. Slapping the Crue was a waste of space at this point, when they become KISS, then Slap, Kick, Shoot, whatever away to you hearts content.
Posted by Rocker:
Slapp is a retard!!! He has to take another persons name,and change it for his own name.Use your own name,Retard!! Motley is a great band,and there are thousands who would love to see them again. I'd like to see a picture of you slapp,i'm sure Vince neil puts you to shame. You are a discrace to the day in rock!!
Posted by www.Lucidmusic.s5.com:
The only thing that is a joke is Scott Stapp's new single "relearn love". What Scott needs to relearn is talent.
Posted by Cousin Joe:
Crue will never die. They can't be killed by conventional weapons. They live through everything and insist on us hearing about it. But regardless we still listen, and still enjoy hearing 'Shout' & 'Feelgood', so the point is that if they stick to the classics, and don't try to ram a new record down our throats (i.e. Def Leppard), then I say that its all good. p.s. Get Tommy out of the DJ booth and back behind the snares.
Posted by dreibel:
hey, the Crue were mentioned in Bowling For Soup's "1985" - that makes them cool (or not, there's a lot of backhand in a lyric that goes "when did Motley Crue become classic rock?") Note that Mr. Slapp also doesn't mention _Dr. Feelgood_, definitely the best thing the Crue ever put out and an admirable effort. Mr. Slapp proves himself to be a third-rate version of Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. That being said, the Crue are going to have to be careful not to fall off the wagon on a tour, whther it be booze, drugs, or in Vince's case, Twinkies.....
Posted by Unleasht:
The Crue is one of the originals, like Aerosmith or the Stones. They still rocker hard than any of these Whineypussy bands of todays radio. Even tho it is cool to hate bands or anything from the 80's, you should respect them.
Posted by From Womb to Tomb:
Don't get me wrong motley had a time and place, but that time and place has passed. Bitch slap that fat f*ck vince he deserves it.
