Losa - The Perfect Moment

About "Let's Get Dolly": In January (2005) antiMusic readers were introduced to a colorful writer known as Dolly Doppelganger when her Veridical Polemic column debuted. That column almost never happened, but Dolly pestered us until we relented and gave her a chance. The results speak for themselves. You may not know this but Dolly originally applied for a reviewer position. Fast forward to mid-January, antiGuy asked me if we had any CDs to review that have been sitting around for a while.  I named a few and he shook his head and said, "I'll pass, I don't know who you would get to review some of those!" As those words escaped his lips, the solution came to me, "Let's get Dolly! She loves everything!" So, I gave Dolly a few CDs to try out her reviewing skills on and what I got back is classic Dolly. You may not learn much about the actual CDs, and you will learn far too much about Dolly's ideas but in the end if you are a Dolly fan you'll love her latest contributions to antiMusic. If you are looking for regular reviews of these cds, look somewhere else. Dolly don't play that. - Keavin Wiggins, Editor antiMusic.com

I don't know why this bad of teachers call themselves LOSAHs, they'z WINAHs in my opinion! As teachers they should know the damage to their self esteem of calling themselves such a derogatory name! Guys, you are great & original!! No one else ever dreamed of instructing a generation of up and comers about the mysterious, misunderstood genre that thrash metal is with a CD! By releasing this "Introduction to Thrash Style Heavy Metal Music", for their cool thrash students, they have made a primer for those who presume to thrash.
 
Ever since Metallica somehow found themselves on a list of "top whatever thrash artists", it came to my attention that the universe needs some instruction on thrashing, this is exactly what (I just can't call them their name. You guys aren't LOSAs!) WINAHs sets out to do. Now imagine how daunting this task is! They have undertaken to teach people like myself, who are really stupid about thrash, everything you need to know to make thrash music of your own! (Except, try to come up with a BETAH name than they did, one that is positive, and affirming of your quality as a human!)   
 
The first song I like to call, "Welcome to our Jam Session!" It had been playing for 45 seconds when it occurred to me that this was the longest introduction to a song I'd ever heard in my life! That's when I discovered, that is the song!! It is so important to practice your instruments, and get them tuned up, this is a subject so dear to the WINAHs that they want to make sure that your very first impression of this brilliant teaching band is that they want you good! If you're going to be in a thrash band, you can't just hit your guitar with a stick and call it music, you need to actually play. In future songs they demonstrate what this "playing" is supposed to sound like, by providing many helpful patterns that aren't too complicated, and you can reproduce them free of charge on your own album, as WINAHs did! 
 
The second song, with the secret title, "Now That's What I Call Thrash!" is a masterful compilation of many different thrash type riffs, like a musical deli with a 1/2 pound of this and a pound of that. This song had me wiping away grateful tears at the devotion of this band to detail. They don't just say, "practice your instruments & play good!" & leave you on your own to flounder. In the tradition of those CDs offered by fine retail establishments around the country for $15, offering a rap song, a pop song, an alt song, etc, WINAHs felt as I did about thrash & those. There needs to be something like that, with different popular thrash songs! WINAHs took that to next even better level, and condensed it into one song!! Think about that, thrasher wanna be's! You are not alone, adrift on the sea of 'is this what thrash sounds like? What about this?' as you try to play song after song on your friends & indulgent family members. This song is like your tour guide, offering you many different mini songs within a song! Their musical palette of styles starting with the introduction that teaches how to skirt copyright infringement laws by not lifting, but 'patterning', an innovative way to present thrash that sounds familiar, yet is perfectly legal. 
 
The bulk of the rest of the CD is designed for vocalists in training, so put on your little white trainee hats and follow along! The third song was so powerful that my *Musicmatch Jukebox kept shutting down, in a vain attempt to keep me from cracking the vocalizing code. For this one, since the music isn't the focus, it remains nice & neutral, just a generic background for you to practice your speaking in time to the music. 
 
The next song is the funniest song on the CD! These WINAHs didn't want you just working all the time, time to have some laughs! Here, underwater growling is the lesson of the day, what a funny idea! How did they do that without getting electrocuted?
 
"Screamer's Dream", the fifth song on here is the only time you'll ever get to hear the full spectrum of screaming possibilities in a thrash song. All the famous, primal screams are present here: the 'getting my hair pulled' shriek, the 'finger slammed in a car door' yowls, the deep & intense, 'getting a steel toed boot in the genitals' screech, they left no scream unuttered in their quest for your excellence at thrash! You don't need to figure out this essential thrash skill, it's mapped out for you on this track!
 
The 6th song is disappointing, it sounds like they forgot they are indoctrinating future thrashers and play a real song- OH, I get it!! This is like a mid way resting, 'light at the end of the tunnel' here's what your goal is; ok! NOW it makes sense, a song smack in the middle of all this instruction, what an idea! Nothing but the most innovative from my WINAHs!.
 
Back to the musical salt mine with track 7, "My Favorite Three", an ode to playing not the same 3 chords, but the same 3 notes!! I thought maybe this one was called "A Musical Nightmare", given it's depressing, dirge like, repetitive, pedestrian feel, but no, since this is a music lesson CD, the songs have got to be incredible simple, so someone who knows nothing can pick up a guitar and play along. This song opens that possibility to all! My new thrash band is going to be called either Monkey's Fist or The Violent Violence!   

The 8th song is aptly titled, "The Hacked Ballad", offering insight into what it was like as a wee little boy to try to catch grasshoppers and end up with tobacco juice all over your hand. It starts out a pretty ballet piece, possibly written for his 3 year old daughter's
ballet recital, then, at the part in the song where he either gets a grass cut or a grasshopper bite, comes the painful scream, reminding us that sometimes nature can be deadly.
 
The last song is entitled, "We're So Tired!" It offers all of the lessons on the whole CD all crammed into one, plus the bonus 4 minutes of 'backwards song playing' followed by more of his daughter's ballet music, very pretty & appropriate. This song ensures that this will be an instructional CD that will go down in history as the finest how to primer on the subject that ever existed.
 
Run out & buy 4 or 5, and pass them out to the people you want to be in your band. If you closely follow WINAH's winning plan, you might be the real WINAH!!       
 

Losa - The Perfect Moment
Label: Metal Blade
Rating: 
 

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