GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

Ahoy fellow pirates of the seven seas. This month I’m going to slow things down and take time to reach out to people out there, perhaps help them on their way. You may or may not know this but this is a crucial time we are all living in, political, social and artistic issues are to be decided within our very own lifetimes, never before has such weight been on the shoulders of a single man, you may know him, may even be one of the handful of fans he has, I’m speaking of course of Fred Durst. 

With the apparent flop and demise of rap metal Fred’s got a lot on his plate.  Now I know its very much in fashion to rip on Mr. Durst, but I feel his plight, I’ve lived through it before during the great Debbie Gibson wars of the 80’s. Debbie actually is the one to be credited with the fall of communism. Debbie was the voice of a generation much like Woody Guthrie before her and Fred Durst after her. But unlike Woody, Debbie was tossed into obscurity after the short but sweet lifecycle ran its course. 

Now Fred is more than likely unaware that his sole purpose in life was to write one tune that will be played at sporting events for eternity, and to be the death-knell of the rap rock movement. But Fred being the wily little bugger he is has set himself to be the fulcrum on which the entire artistic and socio economic axis of the western world turns. 

Now at the sunset of his career we could be looking at complete and total anarchy when he finally calls it quits, millions of angry suburban boys will take to the streets braking stuff, making bad raps and flinging poo in hopes of taking the fallen leaders place. You may think I’m crazy, but the Department of Homeland Security was actually set up for this very incident, they will tell you its purpose is to fight communism, I mean terrorism, but who are you going to trust, some Washington fat cat or your humble narrator? I trust you will make the right decision. Homeland security agents are not the new Gestapo officers they are thought to be, no sirree Bob, they are working diligently at interpoop records churning out “unreleased tracks” and “tribute albums” all ready for the day when Fred gives up the ghost. Instantly these albums will be released in a slow trickle keeping the tide of suburban angst well under control. 

It is said Canada has a similar plan when their doomsday weapon Avril finally peters out. We all know she will become the next big adult contemporary star when Celine kicks the old bucket.  So rest assured, Homeland Security has this well in hand and you, the normal citizen, should have nothing to worry about when this fateful day happens--your property and pets orifices will remain secure from the red hatted hordes thanks to your old pals at Homeland Security. They in fact are gearing up already with the unreleased tracks and whatnot for Nelly and Chingy in case they go the way of Tupac. Sure he’s dead, but he’s a productive corpse, or he lived in the studio laying down rhyme after rhyme for most of his entirely too short adult life. So in closing I will say, if you haven’t learned anything from this, don’t blame Desenex. Don’t be mad, get glad. Rock over London, rock on Chicago. Wesley Willis, you are missed. 
 

Greenmuse loves to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at greenmuse@antimusic.com (he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...) 
 
 

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