GREENMUSE is a regular reader
and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily
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what he has to say!
The Monkey Conspiracy
Goes All The Way To The Top!
Ahoy fellow pirates
of the seven seas. This month Im going to slow things down and take time
to reach out to people out there, perhaps help them on their way. You may
or may not know this but this is a crucial time we are all living in, political,
social and artistic issues are to be decided within our very own lifetimes,
never before has such weight been on the shoulders of a single man, you
may know him, may even be one of the handful of fans he has, Im speaking
of course of Fred Durst.
With the apparent
flop and demise of rap metal Freds got a lot on his plate. Now I
know its very much in fashion to rip on Mr. Durst, but I feel his plight,
Ive lived through it before during the great Debbie Gibson wars of the
80s. Debbie actually is the one to be credited with the fall of communism.
Debbie was the voice of a generation much like Woody Guthrie before her
and Fred Durst after her. But unlike Woody, Debbie was tossed into obscurity
after the short but sweet lifecycle ran its course.
Now Fred is more
than likely unaware that his sole purpose in life was to write one tune
that will be played at sporting events for eternity, and to be the death-knell
of the rap rock movement. But Fred being the wily little bugger he is has
set himself to be the fulcrum on which the entire artistic and socio economic
axis of the western world turns.
Now at the sunset
of his career we could be looking at complete and total anarchy when he
finally calls it quits, millions of angry suburban boys will take to the
streets braking stuff, making bad raps and flinging poo in hopes of taking
the fallen leaders place. You may think Im crazy, but the Department of
Homeland Security was actually set up for this very incident, they will
tell you its purpose is to fight communism, I mean terrorism, but who are
you going to trust, some Washington fat cat or your humble narrator? I
trust you will make the right decision. Homeland security agents are not
the new Gestapo officers they are thought to be, no sirree Bob, they are
working diligently at interpoop records churning out unreleased tracks
and tribute albums all ready for the day when Fred gives up the ghost.
Instantly these albums will be released in a slow trickle keeping the tide
of suburban angst well under control.
It is said Canada
has a similar plan when their doomsday weapon Avril finally peters out.
We all know she will become the next big adult contemporary star when Celine
kicks the old bucket. So rest assured, Homeland Security has this
well in hand and you, the normal citizen, should have nothing to worry
about when this fateful day happens--your property and pets orifices will
remain secure from the red hatted hordes thanks to your old pals at Homeland
Security. They in fact are gearing up already with the unreleased tracks
and whatnot for Nelly and Chingy in case they go the way of Tupac. Sure
hes dead, but hes a productive corpse, or he lived in the studio laying
down rhyme after rhyme for most of his entirely too short adult life. So
in closing I will say, if you havent learned anything from this, dont
blame Desenex. Dont be mad, get glad. Rock over London, rock on Chicago.
Wesley Willis, you are missed.
to hear from you, post a message below or send him an email at email@example.com
(he does get some rather strange emails from time to time... there was
this one from a 14 punker girl who asked him if he wanted to...)