Scarlett Johansson - Anywhere I Lay My Head Review
In the world of young actresses who were in more than 2 movies that never got a DUI and have not yet been on a reality tv show, the desire to make squillions through a dual career as a mega famous singer is a common one. Unfortunately, due to rampant discrimination and political injustice, this is a dream most in this category will weep over never attaining when they are sitting in their rocking chairs in the nursing homes when they are in their mid thirties, and so old in movie years that they are forced to take roles as grandmothers and crazy, senile old ladies who own 27 cats and shoot at people in their yard through the windows of their hovels with muzzle loading shotguns from the 1850's.
But finally, even though Al Sharpton has never brought major media attention to the unfair plight of this neglected, marginalized & ignored segment of society, one of the ranks of this exclusive club has smashed all the barriers oppressing them & keeping them from reaching their full potential & achieved the distinction of being the first young actress who was in more than 2 movies that never got a DUI and has not yet been on a reality tv show to actually have a second career as a mega famous singer with a professionally produced album on a real record label rather than a do it yourself release!! We all can thank the writer's strike that led to such intense boredom, and no more lines to memorize that led SJ to pursue something that would have her reciting speeches in a different media.
As soon as Scarlett Johnassen's debut album comes out, make sure you buy as many as you can stuff in your car, truck or SUV, as demand for this album is sure to make it rare QUICK!! It is destined to become famous throughout history as the most important awesome album of all time. 300 years from now, people will still be discussing the
importance of this album, and bragging about ancestors who bought one of the first billion CDs. In a few years, when the Nobel Dynamite Institute starts offering a Nobel Prize for music, I am certain this brave pioneer will win the first ten years worth of prizes. Someday, 'Where were you when the first/second/third/fourth/etc. SJ CD hit the
record store?' will become a part of our cultural identity, and a badge of 'proud to buy excellent music'-itude.
SJ spent her formative years practicing for her new career in music by memorizing & reciting famous speeches and lines from scripts. Her ability to say all the words in the song, pronounce them well & speak them clearly in a chant- like, mildly musical sort of way is so overwhelming that after listening to her church song with the long, slow organ intro, I had to lay down for 47 days and struggle to remain conscious. I honestly can't remember the last time I've ever been so incapacitated- and that includes all the vast amounts of time I've spent in hospitals in 94 countries!!
SJ has another song that's super duper good, I think it's the same as the church song, but with no organs and maybe it was faster or slower, I can't remember. All I know is that her million (minus 999,600) fans on her myspace site really, really, really liked it & all had nice things to say about her! Everyone who reads this review should go to that site & write nice stuff about her too, listen to that non church song that's faster or slower with no organs in it and be so impressed with everything & buy her album!
She has a hit single coming out soon, I think it's a really deep, mature, insightful recitation of lyrics in a really good way, very powerful and moving. As she said the words (well pronounced & clearly spoken) with an attempt to demonstrate some type of musical ability, I couldn't help but to think about the few successful singer/ actresses there are on this planet we live on. Again, high oil prices and trial lawyers conspire to keep the truly talented from becoming really famous on both fronts.
Unlike other famous people who release albums cuz they are bored & need a tax write off and surround themselves with ass kissers who exist to indulge & cater to the young celebs every whim & fancy, SJ is WAY different than that!! SJ had to fight incredibly hard to get where she is, on the very peak of the top of Mount Famous Singer Slash
Actress Who Was In More Than 2 Movies That Never Got A DUI And Has Not Yet Been On A Reality TV Show To Actually Have A Second Career As A Mega Famous Singer With A Professionally Produced Album On A Real Record Label Rather Than A Do It Yourself Release. As if taking inspiration from the fierce battles Hannah Montannah has had to fight to become one of the few with real success & twice as much money as someone with only one career, SJ has beaten her way to the top, leaving a trail of bloody corpses behind her. You can actually imagine you actually hear fleeting hints of vapors of some of that raw, intense emotion in her well pronounced & clearly spoken songs. I'm sure this album will probably win her an Academy Award for best spoken word album- oh wait- that's a Grammy, right? Well yeah, she'll also prolly win 6 or 8 or a dozen of those!! (But she'll win Academy Awards for this album when they release the theatrical version, I just betcha!!)
I know all kindsa stuff about all kindsa stuff, and the thing I know the very most about is actresses that sing! I got a PhD in entertainment studies, and my doctoral thesis was on this important subject. My research was so impressive that many European nations still consider me a leader and ally in the war on forces that oppress rich, bored, young people that want to explore new ways of making money but don't want to actually go out and get a job or go to technical school or something. My opinion on such matters is the only one that matters, so do everything you can to send a message to the 'legislate from the bench' court justices and liberal republicans pretending to be conservative to try to get votes from people who won't vote for him even though they are registered republicans and buy up this CD till you have enough to build a garage to hole up in till this farce of a presidential election is over!! You'll never regret it & you'll always be glad you did!!
ed note: Dolly based this review on the 6 song preview, not the full album. Not that it matters but unlike a certain wanna-be porn mag, most of the music was listened to before being reviewed. That is all, have a Dolly day!
CD Info and Links
Scarlett Johansson - Anywhere I Lay My Head