Disclaimer: the opinions
expressed are those of the author, not necessarily those of antiMUSIC,
or the iconoclast entertainment group
Meet The King Of Cars… and of Schmuck
White Wanna-Be Emcees
Rap has finally sunk to the very bottom
of the ocean of lows- old or new- and not surprisingly where we discover
the ‘King of Cars’, hip hop’s first used car salesman emcee. The
sum of his image is a literal trash dump of everything that saturates our
popular culture- from infomercials to c-rate reality shows to wigger clown
wanna-be rappers who couldn’t get a deal on the merits of their talent
alone, so they use some other media vehicle to con their way in.
Top-tier basketball players like Kobe Bryant and Shaq had attempted the
same ploy and fans didn’t buy it, so why should this hack get a shot?
Hip hop’s first official SCHMUCK- CHOP,
as he’s called on the show for the fact that he’s well known in the Las
Vegas area for cutting used car prices live on his Saturday night infomercial-
represents a scary new breed of D-LIST emcee who could prove the ice berg
to Hip Hop’s titanic domination as a commercial genre in the not-too-distant
future if its not careful. You’ll already sink back in your sofa
in shock, awe, and genuine disbelief at the sight of this clown’s intro-theme
song, ‘King of Cars’, where he parades about his used car lot, bragging
about how dope his hustle is as a car salesman. He even has a Blue
Genie who bops around behind him as a Flavor Flav-type hype man of sorts.
You wouldn’t believe it was any more than a MAD TV parody were it not for
the fact that A&E actually gave this joker his own reality TV show!
What are they going to do next- give a
Kirby Vacuum sales team their own reality rap show? Because truly,
this guy could have been the guy who managed me when I worked for about
a week for Kirby back in College when I went looking for a ‘quick money’
part-time job. Its that silly, and there is not much difference at
the end of the day between the two professions in terms of how ridiculous
this notion is that either would lead to rap stardom. Still, the
show attempts to imply just such a correlation, and ole CHOP’s sure got
his eye on the prize- from the cheesy black top hat circa 1991 Lords of
Brooklyn to his homie boppity-bop awkward sways and movements while he
walks and talks; to his use of every available piece of hip hop slang he
can inject into his car selling pitch and rhetoric; to the plain crap rap
freestyles he slips into the show whenever the cameras are on him in a
spare moment- where his raps would surely be the equivalent of repellant
to any customers on the sales floor at the sound of his HORRIBLY WACK raps.
I’ve knocked wiggers like Fred Durst and
Paul Wall in this forum before, but this guy actually makes those two look
like legitimate emcees. The worst part is how seriously he takes
himself. He is a VERY good car salesman- that much is obvious by
the fact that the show advertises him as the owner of the number one used
car dealership in Nevada, and the very fact that he has the first reality
show ever about used cars. Still, in the same time, that fact is
undermined from ever being appreciated by the fact he is such a ridiculous
character and rapper. Hopefully he’s just acting I thought to myself
when I first saw this show, but I was quickly proved wrong by watching
the dozens of commission-based employee yes men on Chop’s staff who endlessly
encourage him to be the best wigger he can be for clear fear of losing
their jobs if they don’t. Hopefully, this show will bomb so we never
have to hear more than this dick-head’s intro rap video ‘King of Cars.’
He should stick to what he knows, selling cars, and leave the rapping to
the many credible, celebrity emcees who he brags about coming into his
dealership to buy luxury cars from him over the years. At least then,
we could view him in some respectable light, because as a rapper, he’s
not the king of anything except the SCHMUCKS!!!
Shameless Plug: In
June, Amber Books will release ‘Kanye West: In the Studio’, and Rock N’
Roll Books will release ‘Behind the Boards Vol. 1’, the first in a 3-part
anthology focusing via chapter-long interviews on the most successful and
influential rock producers of the past thirty + years, both by Jake Brown.
Featuring exclusive interviews with Scott Humphrey (Motley Crue, Rob Zombie)
with Tommy Lee (in a special artist/producer segment), Dave Jerden
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Sammy Hagar, Motley Crue, Saliva), Tom Werman (Motley Crue, Cheap Trick,
Twisted Sister, Poison, Ted Nugent), Andy Johns (The Rolling Stones, Led
Zepplin, Jethro Tull, Ozzy Osbourne, Joe Satriani, Van Halen, Kiss), Bob
Rock (Motley Crue, The Cult, Metallica, Bon Jovi), and Bob Ezrin
(Pink Floyd, Lou Reed, Peter Gabriel, Alice Cooper)!!! “Behind the
Boards Volume 1: The Best Kept Secrets and Untold Studio Stories of Hard
Rock and Heavy Metal’s Biggest Hit Records (Told By the Producers Who Created
Them)”, provides music fans their foremost look inside the recording
studios, behind the hits, and at the core of what really went into making
rock n’ roll’s biggest bands and greatest hit records!!! Visit www.amberbooks.com
or www.rocknrollbooks.com
for more info.
