In accordance with federal legislation
prohibiting discrimination, after a lengthy & expensive legal battle
to prevent me from contributing a monthly column presenting views contrary
to all antiMusic represents, I am pleased to announce the launch of your
new favorite feature on antiMusic: a lone voice of sanity in the insanity
that's antiMusic, the place where you can come for reliable advice on what
to think, the Veridical Polemic a.k.a. "I'm Always Right" column with Dolly
Doppelganger! Read my words and obey them if you want to be right all the
time, just like me!
As always the views expressed
by the writer do not neccessarily reflect the views of antiMUSIC or the
iconoclast entertainment group .
Big Macs & Tampax
The title of this article is my free, helpful
suggestion on one possible rhyme. I'm sure Snoop®, J®, & Fiddy®
can come up with even better ones of their own.
The opportunities to make money off inanimate
objects abound. Take this article, for instance, that I'm typing on my
Hewlett- Packard ® computer as I slurp down a huge Diet Coke® with
Lime®, (it's the real thing! or whatever their purchased slogan of
the month is) I could, of course just eat a Vivarin® if I wanted the
caffeine boost, but then I might need to pop a (sleep aid ad placement
opportunity here, available to the highest bidder! Contact me through eBay!
®) in order to get to sleep tonight. I could have purchased my drink
at the convenient stores of Speedway® if I wasn't too lazy & tired
to leave the house. As I ponder buying a Toro® snow blower for next
winter, I can't help but to contemplate how much better my life is today
than my ancestors' was, because I don't live in the old days. Since I use
Tampax Tampons®, my laundry days are a great deal more pleasant than
my ancestors'.
If any rapper manages to insert ads for
McDonald's into songs about slappin' bitches, boinkin' hoes, & tending
his basement herb garden, I will be so impressed & amazed at their
talent at wordsmithery that I might actually consider thinking about buying....
Nah, this is nothing more than a pathetic attempt by an establishment with
food too horrible to attract customers on its own to cash in on a trend
that should be planted 6 feet under, not watered & nurtured. I'm not
buying any CDs & I'm going to stick to my refusal to buy "food" at
Mcuckalds®
This new offer might earn rappers some
respect, maybe. Writing jingles for Mac and Don's Supper Club is the closest
to holding a real job any of those guys will ever have, and maybe that
might make their moms able to go out in public without being embarrassed
about their son's line of work. (Well, maybe I'm just unreasonably optimistic.)
The cool thing about this new offer by
McD's is that my already rap & McD detesting kids won't be tempted
to start liking either of those repellent entities. It would be far more
dangerous if, say, Meshuggah were to start pimpin' for Beluga Caviar or
Mercedes. "C'mon, mom, if we buy this osmium dog collar we'll be just like
Tomas Haake!! Well how about the iridium contact lense case... WAHHHHH!
You suck, you never buy me anything!"
Well, I hope the rappin' fools do it their
way (ooops, sorry about the Burger King® plug! They just contacted
me via e- Bay!® If you're gonna eat fried, salty, greasy food,
slurp, smack, might as well eat somewhere that isn't going to give you
the urge to vomit with every breath of the oil saturated air, Burger King
rules, woo hoo, hurry up & mail me my check.)
I'll be looking forward to the next McDonalds
pushin', Big Mac chompin' rap CD that finds its way into antiMusic's hands!
I'm sure I'll love it!
Posted by dolly:
Butch!! everybody cares! This is the new looming national crisis, read the paper, sheesh!
Posted by BUTCH:
who cares?
Posted by Caught in a Mosh:
I agree its just out of hand now.
Posted by Dark Angel:
I don't know this for sure, but I heard that a Metallica song was used in a beer commercial. Is this actually true? If it is, I really shouldn't be to surprised.
Posted by dolly:
Not only enlisting everyone to sell everything, but getting the fools to pay for the pleasure of doing so.
Anyway the perfect social demeanor can be purchased from me for only $14.95, contact me thru ebay.
Posted by DeadSun:
Nice op-ed, D. Yes indeed, everyone is selling something--- shoes, clothes , team apparel, food, drink, firearms, trinkets, cell phones, tires, whistles, and adult diapers. Their logos are plastered on our buildings, our shirts, our hats, and cleverly written across the ass end of girls' pants. Don't forget US, either. Make sure you sell people on your own proper demeanor and attitude that applies to the given social situation, too. No one gets away. It all comes down to DEGREE.
Posted by Mike Feranda:
GREENMUSE - Of course they are... hidden product placement is found to be the most effective new marketing ever especially with things like TIVO removing commercials from our programming while you eat a juicy Whopper and drink your cocacola In all, product placement is going to increase dramatically. In the movie Demolition man, it was funny about how all the people in the future do nothing but enjoy old commercial music. It was also great how Taco Bell took over because their new Fajita burritos are da bomb, G! Yet, if you think about it after taking some excedrin, you are beginning to hear more and more songs pop up on mainstream radio that are no better than the commercial about some easy to snack on chicken nuggets that played before it. Btw if you mention my name and antimusic.com, get a free large upsize at any participating Burger King. Have it your way!
Posted by BUTCH :
"big macs and tampax"-i like that. im gonna steal it from ya, dolly.
Posted by GREENMUSE:
hail wesley!i think car and clothing companies have been paying rappers to mention them in songs for years now.
Posted by LithiumBliss:
They sell Quarter Pounders. They sell Big Macs. They will put pounds on you. - the mighty late great Wesley.
