Ticket sales are slumping a bit for Madonna.

Maybe she should take Britney on tour with her.

I was over Madonna a while ago, but now it seems like everyone else is catching up.  The shtick is getting a bit old, and so is she to be doing the shtick in the first place.

Madonna is as much a product of MTV as anyone is.  I remember when they spent an entire day playing her song "True Blue".  An entire freakin’ day.  One video after another of the same song, all done by her fans (no matter how poorly) for the “Make My Video” contest.

Now that’s power.

And let’s face it; the woman had power.  Did she sleep her way to the top?  Who cares?  (I tried to sleep my way to the top, but no one would let me.)  No matter how she got it, the chick with the so-so voice was at the top of the charts and stayed there for years.

It was pretty nauseating, to be honest with you.

First of all, since she was (and to a large extent still is) such a dominant force in the entertainment industry, we are constantly subjected to the rest of the mutants in her life.  (Most notably Sandra Bernhardt – ech.)  And because she was/is so freakin’ famous, she, like so many other famous people, seems to think that a) her opinion matters and b) she’s actually as talented as her press release says she is.

That would be a resounding “NO” on both counts.

When people get famous, they seem to think that they’re smart enough to comment on everything, even stuff they don’t know anything about.  (Kinda like me, just with better lighting.)

But the problem is celebrity doesn’t equal wisdom, just like wealth doesn’t equal wisdom.  Just because you’re rich and famous doesn’t arbitrarily mean you’re smart.

The big problem with a celebrity shooting off their mouth on hot topics is that you never really know if they’re trying to make an important statement or just trying to get a little publicity by latching onto a controversial subject.

In other words, I didn’t need to see the sex book.  Now, I’m not even gonna take the moral high road here, but some things should stay in your own bedroom.

But the strangest thing, at least for me, is to see the Material Girl now talking about spirituality, something that, at its core, is pretty much the antithesis of materialism.  It’s like she did whatever she did to get all that she got and now is dabbling in a little mysticism to give it all a little meaning.  

So does that mean she’s the non-materialistic material girl?   

Regardless of what or whom she’s talking about, I ain’t interested in hearing it, although droves of people are.

But I do know one thing: If it’s trendy, she’s all over it like Ashton Kutcher on a trucker hat.  

And as far as being talented as all that and a bag of chips, put her in a movie with you and see what happens.  (A small supporting role, maybe.  But try and have her carry the film and you’re screwed.)  You may as well put Matt LeBlanc in there, too.

And I always felt that if you leave Madonna in a room with a guitar and a pad of paper, all she’ll write is her grocery list.  I have a hard time swallowing that she’s as much of a songwriter as the credits would lead you to believe.  

But the woman sells tickets, albeit not as many as before.  An ominous sign, to say the least.  There was a time when the Madonna ticket was the hottest ticket in town, no question about it.  

And to give credit where credit is due, it’s fair to say that the woman is a whirlwind on stage.

But if it goes up, it must come down.  And Madaonna is going down – no pun intended.

Where did it start to go wrong?  Simple: the bar has been lowered to the point of practically being a speed bump.  What’s a 40-ish super-star soccer mom to do?

You think you’re gonna compete with the new crop of Madonna-wannabes?  Hell, you could pretty much blame Madonna for the chicks on the charts who are currently nailing her coffin shut.

Wow, maybe there is something to this karma thing after all.

Let’s face it; there was a time when we all waited with baited breath for Madonna to unveil her new look.  But when you see her slipping the tongue to someone young enough to be her daughter, believe me when I tell you, you’ve jumped the shark, babe.

How the hell do you top that?  What attention-getting stunt hasn’t she pulled that could pull those kind of Nielson numbers?  (And flashing a boob is so last season.)

So it looks like Madonna is starting on the downward spiral.  (At least, one can only hope.)  Maybe she’ll reinvent, maybe she won’t.  I will give her this much – she is resilient.  And unpredictable as well.  So you never know with this woman.  It could be over, but then again it could just be intermission.

However, I’m holding on to the shred of hope that this is it, that there won’t be anymore.

Like I said, I was over her about a decade ago, but sometimes good ideas take a while to catch on.  

I’m tired of the bad movies, tired of the bad songs, tired of the space between her teeth…well, you get the picture.

The problem is it doesn’t matter if she goes away, ‘cause we always got Britney.  (Comforting, in an uncomfortable sort of way.)

But if I’m gonna blame anyone for her decline, it would have to be Madonna herself.  She was the grand architect of what you’re seeing on television these days, what with the poptarts ad nauseum, so it’s only fitting that the poptarts are now more interesting to watch.  Madonna was the template - all Britney’s doing is taking it a little further (or lower).

But Madonna is now a victim of herself, and after french-kissing a couple of mouseketeers, the material girl finally ran out of material.  I mean, where do you go from there?  I’m thinking down.

But knowing Madonna, she’ll probably make as much of a career going down as she did going up – no pun intended.

That’s my two cents, now gimme my change. 
 
 

Chuck DiMaria is Los Angeles based musician, actor and antiMUSIC columnist (his resume goes on). Check out his website ChuckDiMaria.com for more of his writings, MP3s and more (be sure to read about his adventures in online dating!!) Plus be sure check out the site for his band Under Pressure.

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