antiGUY gives his
top 5 list of music stuff. Could be songs, people, a stupid trend... nothing
is sacred to antiGUY
Top
5 Music Reality TV Shows You Will Never See.
Reality, Reality everywhere but not a show
to watch?
Ah yes we are now suffering from reality
TV overload. Ok, survivor was originally a fun exploration in sociology
and had more backstabbing than a cheesy soap opera and the Real World’s
second season had a lot to offer before it turned into a “pc” whine-fest
starting with season three in Sin Francisco. Even the Osbournes was enjoyable
until the hype surrounding it went into overdrive and the man who was once
considered music’s prince of darkness became the loveable foulmouthed TV
dad who was a bit quirky and hard to understand.
The success of the Osbournes got programmers
minds racing once again and the inundation of new reality TV shows has
started. Things didn’t start on a high note either, they scraped the bottom
of the barrel and brought us Anne Nichole, the supersized dimwit who just
doesn’t appear smart enough to realize she is being made fun of.
What’s next? That’s the real question.
The folks at Viacom and scrambling to latch on to the trend they helped
further. Remember Viacom owns CBS(Survivor, Big Brother) and MTV (The Osbournes).
VH1 will soon have an entire lineup of reality type shows to bore you to
no end. But where do we draw the line? Isn’t TV supposed to help us forget
about reality for a while? Which amount of stupidity is too much for the
airwaves, even for the room temperature IQ’s demographic of Viacom’s core
audience? That is what this Top 5 is all about. Here are the Top
5 Music Reality TV shows we will never see. Then again, someone at Viacom
might read this and get a wild idea, so watch out! The Reality TV trend
is about to hit critical mass. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Top 5 Music Reality
TV Shows You Will Never See.
5) Britney Spears… Get to know the
real Britney Spears. She’s not just an ample bosomed pop singer in a Catholic
School Girl’s outfit. Watch as Britney smokes on a balcony, cusses out
fans, and flips paparazzi the bird, tells reporters she’s still a virgin
and runs at the first rumble of thunder. Dig deep into the soul of a pop
star when she reveals her deepest thoughts to the camera, “like I’m a star,
you know!”
4) Justin “Poodlehead” Timberlake
– Watch as Justin turns to the producer while recording his next solo hit
single.
Justin: “Hey this song needs something
extra.”
Producer: “What do you have in mind?”
Justin: (Sings) “ooooooooooo”.
Producer: (covering his ears) “Wait a
second I need to put the voice processors and reverb on!. Ok try it again”.
Justin: “ooooooooooo”. (comes out of the
speakers in a lush wave of artificial sound)
Producer: “that’s it!”
Justin: “I better get a song writing credit
for that!”
3) Missy Elliot – Catch Missy as
she composes her next chart topping song. She turns on the drum machine
and attempts to write lyrics… “Yo I got the flow, in da house yo, tight
ass beats yo, yo I got da flow…” perplexed she turns to her assistance,
“Yo what rhymes with flow?” Her assistant scratches her heads and says,”
Yo, I don’t know, yo”. Then head into the studio and watch her work her
record producing mastery with other rappers! “Yo, this song don’t flow
yo” she reaches over and adds an extra beat to the drum machine pattern,
“yo, now ya all’s tight, yo!”
2) R.Kelly – Hang out with R.Kelly
outside a local Jr High School as he tries to entice little girls to go
back to his apartment with him, “Yo, wanna piece of candy, bitch!”
And
the Number One Music Reality TV Show You Will Never See.
The Real World – Hell! - Watch the fun
unfold as Fred Durst, Vanilla Ice, Andrew W.K., the Baha Men, Crazy Town
and Bono are picked to live in a house together, to find out what happens
when people stop being stars and start being jerks. The highest rated
episode will show Bono trying to walk on water in the backyard as Crazy
Town gathers around a speakerphone trying to convince a journalist that
they are a real band. Meanwhile, Vanilla Ice gets angry while watching
Eminem on MTV news and yells, “I made you bitch, wit out me you’d be another
trailer trash whiteboy! That’s my move, he stole my move!” Then the Baha
Men burst in and angrily shout, “Who let the dogs out!” Later that night
as the roommates relax in the rooftop hot tub sipping diet margaritas,
Andrew WK turns to Fred Durst, “why are you so angry all the time Fred?
You gotta learn how to Party! Start by not bathing for a week and using
the word party in every line of your songs!” A pensive Fred Durst
turns to his roommates and makes a startling revelation, “I’m angry because
ever since I was a little boy I’ve felt like I was a women stuck in a jock-rockers
body”.
Your
turn, what do you think? How can reality TV sink any lower?
Fan
Speak:
Posted by lady:
wow dude dumb f&ucking a*s showss
Posted by trizzle:
what a sheit generation to live in. in about 3 years, i wonder how "cool" the latest "celebz" will be, if justin timberlake is the "coolest" now, what the f&ck will he be then? the world is coming to an end pretty damn quick. god bless true musicians, holding real instruments, playing more than 3 chords, and using soul, not some f$king glammed up piece of sheit american idol style voice.
Posted by Frenchy:
"Who wants to date a virgin? Now THAT would be funny! A virgin girl or guy who has 20 other virgins to choose from!
Posted by iwin:
"as Crazy Town gathers around a speakerphone trying to convince a journalist that they are a real band."
that was just very amusing.
Posted by krazy 1:
I yhink all reality shows are fuc$ing stupid and I also think that who ever watches them are also fu*k stupid!!people need to get a life and come back to reality and worry about what they are going to do with their lives and stop worring on who gets to eat a freaking cow brain!!
Posted by Shayn:
Tv sucks.
Posted by Randy "The King" Epstein:
I love reality tv
Posted by ICE:
Celebrity mudwrestling would be interesting with some of the female stars
Posted by real men swim nude:
ozzy is too messed up to know what's going on. definitely my hero. i plan to be just like him when i grow up. sharon pretty much plans everything for him these days. He's a god though, don't even attempt to make fun of him, or i'll come through that computer screen and rip your balls out through your nostrils, fry them up and feed them to your grandmother. ozzy doesn't know what's going on anymore, but so what? at least he had a productive life getting wasted while pissing off the world. sabbath still has some of the best songs out there. i hate to see him sell out but hey, would you rather watch the osbournes or some other bullsh*t? also of course the osbournes are somewhat functional you morons, what did you think, ozzy locked his children in the closet and fed them raw squirrels(hmmm...not a bad idea they are annoying spoiled little bastards) i'd personally love to be part of that family though. so go f*ck yourselves!
Posted by ShroomDevil:
I don't think Ozzy really knows what's going on.
Posted by AliceCooperette:
Alas, Ozzy lost credibility because the only thing he aspires to now is to make as much money as possible. That and the fact that he has become a sorry media puppet. As for reality TV, it's been a big dissapointment. I would have hoped that it would have been true "reality" TV, in the same vein as Andy Warhol's movies. Unfortunatly we just got game shows and public embarassment. I'd like to see everybody that's ever been in Black Sabbath (all 300 of them) put in a house together. That'd be great to film.
Posted by poopooface:
feces
Posted by Mr. huh? saying, "My Generation Sucks!":
Also, one thing that I know is that you're not going to be seeing a Reality T.V. show of Lance Bass in Space. Woo-hoo!
Posted by Mr. huh? saying, "My Generation Sucks!":
Despairity's Child I believe they're called.
Posted by Runs With Scissors:
Hey, isn't Beyonce Knowles still in that group with those other two girls. What's their names? Dude, I'd be super pissed if I were one of them.
Posted by Runs With Scissors:
They need a reality show about the making of a reality show and show what really(ity) happens when people stop pretending there's no cameras on them and start freaking out (just like REAL life).
Posted by Roni Mack:
Here's A reality show we won't see! Bands On The Run 2!
Posted by Randy, which is a lame embarrassment:
"The Osbournes" really shows family vales, even though the show is finely laced with the 'F' word. How can you lose respect for Ozzy when he let people see what his life is really like? A Marilyn Manson show would suck so bad, it wouldn't be watched by anyone other than Satanic freaks. He's so fu*cking talentless
Posted by vomit:
reality shows do nothing but disgust. any why!?!? why did ozzy sign that contract? did he not see the MTV poison? i lost a lot of respect for that "god of rock" for the expliotation of him and his family. theres nothing any rockstar love better than a MTV camera man shoved up his ass for 80 hours a day.
Posted by SUBBMISSIVE_SLAVE:
GREETINGS ,THE OSBOURNE SHOWS PRETTY COOL GETTING TO KNOW THE OZZ MAN HIMSELF AND HIS PERSONAL LIFE DETAIL,ITS A SHAME ABOUT HIS WIFE,PRAYING FOR HER TO THE GOD AND THE GODDESSESS FOR HER ILLNESS OF CANCER TO GO AWAY,I 'D LOVE TO WATCH A REALTY SHOW WITH A BUNCH OF GOTHS OR THE GOTHIC COMMUNTITY RELAITY SHOW ,WHERE THEY SIT THERE AND U CAN WATCH THEM CUTTING THESELVES (CUTTING YOURSELF ALONG WITH THEM)JUST JK !!AS THAT CAN BE FUN TO TAKE AWAY ALL YOUR PAIN U HAVE TO DEAL WITH FOR THAT MOMEMT BUT UNFORTUNATELY IT COMES BACK,IT WOULD ALSO BE COOL TO GET IN DEPTH WITH THEIR LIFESTYLE AS I CAN UNDERSTAND WHERE THEY R COMING FROM AS i AM "WICCANGOTH"ALSO WOULD LOVE THEM TO PUT ON A PERFORMANCE ON TV IF THEY COULD GET ONE OF THE ROOMIES TO VOLUNTEER TO GET TIED UP AND WHIPPED AND CANDLEWAXED,iF NOT ONE VOLUNTEERED I KNOW I WOULD LOL GRINS MISCHVIOULY... HECK IT WOULD BE WICKED IF (BRIAN WARNER) MARILYN MANSON WOULD HAVE HIS OWN REALITY SHOW,WOULD LOVE TO GET TO KNOW MORE HOW HE THINKS AND HOW HIS EVERYDAY LIFE IS ALTHOU I CAN IMAGINE ALREADY HOW HE THINKS IN HIS EVERYDAY LIFEIS LIKE ,HEH "MARILYN MANSON" IF U R OUT THERE AND U READ THIS THINK BOUT YUR OWN REALITY SHOW!!! HEHEH BOWS UNTO THEE AND BIDS ALL FAREWELL
Posted by omega_angel:
Dont think it could get any worse that what T.V is now. Anna has her on tv show, shesh if she have a show of her own WHERE THE F*ck IS MINE AT? at least they should have gave her an infomercial "How to marry an old millionare while clinging to your last 15 seconds of fame"
Posted by Hombre:
Ha Ha Yeah Greenmuse! THAT would be REALITY TV now :) I was shocked to hear that Anna Nicole Smith got her own show. Hell, just go see SIGNS man. At least that isn't stupid
Posted by GREENMUSE:
id like to see a show like the real world where 8 people are in a house and nobody does ANYTHING,they just sit and look at each other,or read books,and every know and then someone would clear their throat.the extent of the dialog would be"excuse me,i must go the the restroom to urinate and/or defecate" thats all that would be said and in very flat unemotional voices. each episode would be 2 hours long.
Posted by Girwhite:
Reality TV, while ridiculous and fake, is entertaining. How can you, a brilliant person such as yourself, not enjoy the stupidity of others? I personally love to watch American Idol and laugh as Paula Abdul takes her role as the girl who loves anyone. she clearly doesn't like many of those people. The imfamous fight between Simon and Randy Jackson was a result of the producers telling them to fight. It may have been rehearsed. You never know. I like pointing out the foolish mistakes the kids make and the bad acting and trying to seem polite. It's quite funny when you think about it.
Posted by Lollipop:
Andrew W.K. is just about the sorriest excuse for an upright that I have ever seen! Even Fred Durst doesn't top him when it comes to brain-dead lyrics. And his music sucks so much as* that it makes me wanna cry, and say: "Rammstein, rammstein, take me away, even though you suck, you don't suck this way!"
Posted by FU cker:
Oh c'mon, The Osbournes still rock... and Andrew W.K.'s awesome. Who cares if he says "party" alot. You'd rather hear Fred Dirst yell "fukk!" all the time?
Posted by Mr. huh? saying, "My Generation Sucks!":
By then, only Beyonce Knowles will be left.
Posted by VampireRyan:
Watch as Fox brings you Celebrity Boxing 3! With Fred Durst versus Brett Michaels and En Vogue vs whatever's left of Destiny's Child!
Posted by Mr. huh? saying, "My Generation Sucks!":
Love #'s 5, 4, and 3. God, I wish someone in the media would say what an idiot Missy was.
Posted by Batman:
Watch Aerosmith, Ozzy, Metallica, Def Leppard, Moby and Blink 182 fight to the death for the chance to sell a few more records and gain mainstream credibility at the expense of their musical integrity. As always, on MTV.
