If you're familiar with Metal Sludge, then you know all about their 20 questions. This is where they put people from the hard rock world on the hotseat and ask loaded questions. Being a born smartass myself, I admit Metal Sludge is one of my favorite sites, to the point where I think I'm going to have to start attending sludgeaholics anonymous meetings to get any work done. A few weeks ago the idea popped into my head to turn the tables and see if one of the people behind Metal Sludge had the courage to face 20 questions from yours truly. Jani Bon Neil stepped up to the plate, showing he can take it as well as dish it out. As expected he took every opportunity to engage in shameless self-promotion to try and sell Metal Sludge merch (known as Sludgendise to Sludgeaholics.) Aside from correcting my spelling of Ratt's lead singer's name (What can I say, they aren't one of my favorites) Jani gives us a little insight into Metal Sludge, their criminal background, his sexual desire towards Sebitchian Bach, his Rosie O'Donnell fetish and he sheds a little light on the secret alter ego of Gerri Miller. Enough from me, here are the 20 questions with Jani Bon Neil from Metal Sludge.
1. What the hell is Metal Sludge? This is your only chance to plug your s***.
Metal Sludge offers politically incorrect news & views on hard rock/heavy metal. Without a doubt rock's most controversial website. You'll either love us or hate us, there is no in between. Chances are you'll fall in love with us and want to spend every nickle you make on our Sludgendise, but I'll get to that soon enough. We've been around now for almost 3 years and have been featured in magazines such as Spin, Metal Edge, Kerrang, Maxim, and on numerous morning radio shows. I could go on and on, but instead just go to www.metal-sludge.com and find out for yourself.
2) Why do you guys hate Sebitchian Bach so much? Is it some latent homosexual thing?
No that's not it, but now that you mention it. Actually, he was a fan of our site at one time. He was the first "rock star" to send us an email saying he liked the site. This was around September 3rd, 1998, 3 days after we started. Then a few months later, we received an email saying somebody saw Sebitchian walking down the freeway after his limo broke down. Sebitchian then sent us an email going off on the guy. After that, he ignored us. It appears that he can't take any criticism whatsoever. He loves you just so long as you kiss his ass. Once his CD of Skid Row cover songs came out, he started doing interviews and everything he said was ridiculous. It slowly built from there. I mean, just look at his MTV Crib's appearance. The guy is a jackass.
3) If we put a gun to your head and told you would have to have sex with one of the following people or die, who would it be?
a) Gerri Miller
My first thought was the Pepsi Girl, then I realized she's like 5, so now I'm stuck for an answer. Uh, I could say pull the trigger, but that would be a cop out. First I'll rule out the Taco Bell Dog. Too small. I'll also rule out Durst and Sebitchian. Even though Sebitchian is a bitch, I don't want to f*** him.
That leaves me with the 5 year old, Gerri Miller, or Rosie O'Donnell. f***, I'll go with Rosie O'Donnell with the lights out. At least she's of age and looks more like a chick than Gerri.
4) Who gave the lamest answers to a 20 Questions?
Hands down that goes to Eddie Ojeda from Twisted Sister. But he just emailed us and wants to make up for it. Other than Eddie, I would have to say Kristy Majors from Pretty Boy Floyd, and Chris Van Dahl formerly of L.A. Guns.
5) If we tracked down high school photos of people who write for Metal Sludge who is most likely to be pictured wearing a pocket protector?
Lita Love! She's the chick that provides us with concert totals, Sound Scans, and various other bits on industry news. She likes numbers and all that crap.
6) Do your writers hide behind composite characters because they are ugly, or are there warrants out for their arrest?
All of the above
7) Which rock stars should come out of the closet?
Marq Torien from the BulletBoys comes to mind.
8) Rate the following as Cowards on
a scale of 1 to 10 - 1 being an average pussy and 10 being a run
home cry to momma pussy. (These are folks who refused to do your
20 questions, since we don't know what questions you asked we don't know
how much of a coward they actually were so please enlighten us.)
a) Byron Hontas (CC Deville's publicist) = 9
Pretty Boy Floyd and any band that ever did a "Latest & Greatest" CD.
10) We know you guys think highly of Metal Edge (wink wink) What if anything should they change?
We aren't out to get Metal Edge too much anymore because Gerri Miller is no longer the editor. By the way, she "stepped down" only 3 months after we started. Coincidence? But if Metal Edge knew what was good for it, they'd give us a monthly column! Imagine that, Metal Sludge writing for Metal Edge. We'd turn that rag around.
11) Is it true that Jani Bon Neil likes to dress up in women's clothing and hang around in bars?
So what's your point?
12) Any sorted stories you could pass on about Metal Sludge groupies, bimbos or stalkers?
Yes, I could.
Is it true you trade Metal Sludge T-shirts for sex?
No, only hand jobs at message parlors.
13) Is Gerri Miller really the mastermind behind Metal Sludge?
That's such a stupid question. Everybody knows it's Sebitchian & Dana Strum! Duh!
14.) What Metal Sludge writer deserves a smack in the mouth and why?
Taime "Sex" Slaughter for being a lazy piece of s***. He started out writing good s***, then got lazy and was found smoking rocks behind the Rainbow. We checked his dumb ass into rehab and I have a feeling he'll be back with a vengeance sooner than you think.
15.) When you die and go straight to hell what CD is Satan going to make you listen to 24/7 as punishment?
Anything by Pearl Jam, REM, or Blowtorch (a band who sent us their CD and it sucked so bad we actually sold it on Ebay for about $150. That's right, one hundred and fifty dollars. Our fans are that dedicated, or stupid, that they'll spend $150 on a CD that sucks just because we're selling it.)
16) One of our columnist Greenmuse has a thing for Mullets so we have to ask; Do you now or have you ever had a mullet?
That's a good question, but before I answer
that let me just say that if people are interested, we have a fine line
of Sludgendise available. Shirts, baby dolls, tanks tops, the works.
It can be found at http://www.metal-sludge.com/Sludgendise.htm
16 a) Who is the Ultimate Mullet?
The Ultimate Mullet sounds like a WCW wrestler.
17) There is a conspiracy theory going around that Gerri Miller and Marilyn Manson are the same person. Did you guys start that? Do you think its true?
No that's not true. Marilyn has more hair on his head.
18) Running out of lame questions so I'll ask. Why the hell is Crazy Town on Ozzfest?
Because Sharon Osbourne wants to look "hip" and "with it." And from what I heard, Crazy Town has been getting booed on a regular basis. They'll be on "Where Are They Now" before the end of the year
18a) What do you guys think of Ozzfest this year?
Eh, not much to be honest. Black Sabbath is getting about as played out as Kiss.
19) Where do you guys stand on the Metallica sell out debate?
I like everything Metallica has done through the Black Album. After that, I can't say I'm a fan. When they came out with makeup and looking like pimps, that was pretty lame. They went from doing whatever they wanted to following the trends. Now they have cute little tattoos and piercings just like a million other bands. Other bands cut their hair, so they cut their hair.
They're metal posers. I don't have a problem with bands selling 10 million records and having huge success. I'm not a purist who wants metal bands to stay underground. But Metallica wearing makeup? They're fakes. The next Metallica album will probably have Fred Durst on it! Plus I think they're last few albums are weak. They're albums aren't that great, they're just average, but since they have the name Metallica on it, they'll go triple platinum. They don't even need to put any effort into it anymore.
20. Time for Word Association. We give
you a name and you tell us your thoughts.