According to the judge in the Britney Spears/ Kevin Federline custody b*****fight over their two young children, Britney Spears is a "habitual, frequent, and continuous" abuser of both drugs and alcohol, and if Britney Spears is serious about keeping her children, she'll need to submit herself to random drug tests to ensure that she's keeping her nose clean.
"Huh?" you're probably thinking, "If Britney Spears is on drugs then why doesn't the judge immediately hand custody over to Kevin Federline?" And the answer to that is simple - because he's Kevin sodding Federline. Seriously, Britney Spears would need to set one of her babies on fire and throw it out of an aeroplane to make Kevin Federline even look like a halfway suitable custody prospect.
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