Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz - Crunk Juice

About "Let's Get Dolly": In January (2005) antiMusic readers were introduced to a colorful writer known as Dolly Doppelganger when her Veridical Polemic column debuted. That column almost never happened, but Dolly pestered us until we relented and gave her a chance. The results speak for themselves. You may not know this but Dolly originally applied for a reviewer position. Fast forward to mid-January, antiGuy asked me if we had any CDs to review that have been sitting around for a while.  I named a few and he shook his head and said, "I'll pass, I don't know who you would get to review some of those!" As those words escaped his lips, the solution came to me, "Let's get Dolly! She loves everything!" So, I gave Dolly a few CDs to try out her reviewing skills on and what I got back is classic Dolly. You may not learn much about the actual CDs, and you will learn far too much about Dolly's ideas but in the end if you are a Dolly fan you'll love her latest contributions to antiMusic. If you are looking for regular reviews of these cds, look somewhere else. Dolly don't play that. - Keavin Wiggins, Editor - antiMusic.com

Lil Jon is under attack and he needs our help!!

People claim they are so PC, then the finest example of urban poetry ever comes out, and it is largely ignored by the white, RACIST media!! Only MTV understands the lyrical genius of Lil Jon and his buddies: famous people like Snoopy Dog, Christina Rock & some bitch ho I can't remember the name of, but she sings about a one night stand. I'll talk about her more, later, for now I want to focus on the brilliant writing of Lil Jon, or "Teeny Weenie" to his friends & the hoes in the know. 

Any system that's inherently evil & contradictory will inevitably reveal its flaws, weaknesses & moronic 'judgment calls'. Today, because of the rabid feminist lobbying, someone who asks a coworker out on a date, even when they're not at work, could face jail time, legal fines, court costs & the loss of their job. This is but one example of such excesses in PC restriction & censorship. Even though the whining of this politically powerful & listened to group redefined sexual harassment in the workplace to the present day ridiculous meaning, they miraculously have kept their traps clamped shut on the release of this album, perhaps as dazzled as I am by the genius of Lil Jon. Since this group has restructured our vocabulary, it has become ludicrously obvious that a double standard exists in how they view men & women, as I'll reveal later. Those bitches & hoes just better continue to keep their mouths shut about Lil Jon's CD, he is a voice of a generation of urbanophiles. 

In the spirit of racial inclusiveness, it's crucial to remember that women & blacks are always the persecuted victims of society. Since both groups have to struggle hard to get anything, everything they do is good & right & praiseworthy & should be rewarded & encouraged. This must be why liberal feminists ignore release after release from the world of rap- it's fine with them! It is just one oppressed group speaking the truth- why muzzle that?

In the real world, we all know that men are cavemen, women are bitches & hoes, and the children are unsupported, unloved & dismissed by their daddies. Liberal feminists care so much about black women they refuse to shield them from the consequences of their actions: accurate depictions of what they are like, set to the most popular music on the planet. This is a wonderful step forward for women of all races! I mean in a world where a first grade boy gets expelled for pointing his chicken nugget at another first grader and saying, "bang, bang!" Where another wee one gets the boot after being charged with sexual harassment for kissing a little girl, this latest non action shows that NOW isn't a bunch of rabid bulldogs intent on ruining anyone's good time or legitimate right of free speech. If the gods of PC, tolerance, non violence & no sexual displays no matter how innocent & non sexual get big press & big consequences for ridiculous noncrimes, what a relief to see that at least sometimes the innocent are spared, and Lil Jon is free to rap the pure thoughts of his heart. 

People who know nothing say that rap needs a makeover as though it has utterly lost its relevance, & it's status as cutting edge commentary. Those nit picking idiots also say that rappers have exchanged the truth about the plight of living in substandard housing, being picked on by police, having a hard time finding a job that pays enough to support a family with rejoicing in a life of excesses few of today's Cabrini Green dwellers will ever experience. Everyone needs hope, and the glamorization of a lifestyle few of them will ever experience first hand gives them such hope, so leave rappers alone! Today's rap influenced video games present more such fun, depicting rappers as arsonists & pimps, who resort to violence as a way to handle conflict, and glamorize murder. Well, since rap is just a reflection of life, and since African Americans have no qualms of being portrayed in such a way, then critics need to shut their racist mouths. When Dimebag was slain, my first reaction was, "this is what happens in the world of rap, not in the world of metal." As true a sentiment as that is, when a genre of music is defined by it's murder rate & incitement of illegal activities, then you know it's truly cutting edge, dangerous, appealing to kids and cool, therefore it's going to be criticized just like Elvis and the Beatles were. This is a simple problem of old people & racism trying to derail a successful train, get over it!

Rappers are such articulate individuals, singing only about the gritty reality of life in the frustrating lower income bracket. They only give women the treatment they deserve lyrically as they accurately depict the ugly realities of life on the streets. This is what the Pulitzer Prize is all about, and I nominate Lil Jon. But people keep looking for a straw man to pin the blame of the results of 400 years of slavery on. Conservatives & Bill Cosby say that the lack of black men taking responsibility for the upbringing of their kids has led to high rates of African American crime, promiscuity among teen girls, gang activity of teen boys & young men, few who enter college or even complete high school. They blame rap music, as though it were the soundtrack for this recipe for disaster. They think rap music of today hurts its listeners by inculcating horribly abysmal values to those who enjoy it. They claim the moms of these fans need to bust their kids heads for listening to this trash. I bet if they could, they'd turn this Lil John CD in to the prosecutor in their state, demanding an investigation of these guys under the "Clear & Present Danger" limits on free speech. That's what racism is all about- oppressing the unique talents of those with differently colored skin. 

Speaking of the Pulitzer Prize, read this excerpt from a boring poem about urban life, that won it's author a Pulitzer Prize in 1950, the first ever awarded to an African American: 

A Street in Bronzeville to David and Keziab Brooks 

kitchenette building 

We are things of dry hours and the involuntary plan,
Grayed in, and gray. "Dream" makes a giddy sound, not strong 
Like "rent," "feeding a wife," "satisfying a man."

But could a dream send up through onion fumes
Its white and violet, fight with fried potatoes
And yesterday's garbage ripening in the hall,
Flutter, or sing an aria down these rooms

Even if we were willing to let it in, 
Had time to warm it, keep it very clean, 
Anticipate a message, let it begin? 

We wonder. But not well! not for a minute! 
Since Number Five is out of the bathroom now, 
We think of lukewarm water, hope to get in it.

Sorry I almost bored you to sleep!! How on earth did THAT win anything!? I wouldn't award that chick a year's supply of dog food for that! Yet she gets a Pulitzer. See that? Double standard. Thanx to the feminists, always acting on behalf of black women, the world is slanted against men, especially black men. Now which depiction of life is more accurate, Gwendolyn Brooks? or Lil Jons? 

That's why this Lil Jon release is SO needed, so relevant, so perfect a soundtrack for a culture, if not a nation. I learned so much from this CD. From their lyrics I learned a whole different side of life in the urban jungle than I thought I knew. 

Back in the old days of 1989, we took in a boarder to help pay the rent. He was a scarred up warrior hailing from the south side of Chicago, who  went by the nickname Nukie. He was a fan of the rap back then, and one of the first to buy 2 Live Crew's, "As Nasty as They Wanna Be". We all thought it was so cutting edge & humorous, we all were surprised & amused when it was banned. This is evidence that uppity white people hate to hear the truth! Amazingly, it turns out that Nukie lied to us. When he spoke of his life on the street, he painted for us a bleak picture of a hardscrabble life of petty crime. He had bullet scars, all the bones in his face had been broken in street fights, he was a mess- I mean, at least that's what he claimed. He never whined about Whitey treating him with suspicion, about having a hard time getting a job, about being viewed as a shoplifter when he'd go into stored with me in our suburban town. You know why? Because it turns out, that's not even close to what life in the ghetto is like! Lil Jon filled me in on all the stuff Nukie left out. 

The only important thing is honor, and West Coast blacks are the scourge of civilization that need to be exterminated at all costs. Many songs preached the 'run out & shoot everyone west of the Rockies' sermon that I plan to put into action. The songs that weren't about killing people were about how fun it is to spend piles of dough!! Whee! I'm going to become a rapper, that'll be my ticket out! Better yet, I'll just move to the projects & grow & manufacture drugs like the song says to, since so many people there are rolling in cash. All women want plenty of bling, and to bear children to deadbeat dads who are going to hate them when they need money for diapers or formula. All the hoes want is to be objectified & degraded sexually, that keeps 'em in line. After all, they're just a bunch of lyin' cheatin' child support grubbing bitches who bear the kids of these rappers, then use their offspring as a way to extort money out of the hard working entertainers, who are just trying to make a dollar to spend on hoes, drugs, diamonds & Crystal.

Today's urban kids need to hear this message, especially because rappin' is the only guaranteed way out of the projects. Just think about how many black people you know or know of. Clearly famous rappers outnumber the few made for TV fairy tale black people who end up impregnating their girlfriend, dropping out of school to manufacture & distribute drugs, and end up in jail, prison, dead or in a gang that you only hear of infrequently. 

I don't know where Nukie is today. Although when we knew him he had spent something like 13 out of 28 Christmases behind bars, we lost touch with him. Last we heard from him was in the spring of 1993 or 4, fresh out of prison & in a halfway house, determined to try a life free of crime again. Though we invited him to come stay with us again, he declined. I bet he's holed up in a recording studio somewhere, planning to release his mega million selling rap album just like his millions of brothers of color. Soon he too will be slappin bitches with the best of them. Tell him Dolly said, "hey" when you hear of him!

Lil Jon & The East Side Boyz - Crunk Juice
Label: TVT
Rating: 
 

Tracks:  Crunk Juice Get Crunk - (with Bo Hagon) What U Gon' Do - (with Lil Scrappy) Real Nigga Roll Call - (with Ice Cube) Bo Hagon's Phone Call Da Blow - (with Gangsta Boo) Contract - (with Trillville/Jazzy Pha/Pimpin' Ken) E40 Choppin White Meat - (with 8Ball & MJG) Stop F***in Wit Me Chris Rock Let's Be Friends Lovers And Friends - (with Usher/Ludacris) One Night Stand - (with Oobie) Aww Skeet Skeet - (with DJ Flexx) Chris Rock In Da Club In Da Club - (with R. Kelly/Ludacris) Bitches Ain't Shit - (with Snoop Dogg/Nate Dogg/Suga Free/Oobie) Chris Rock Get Lower Stick That Thang Out (Skeezer) - (with Ying Yang Twins/Pharrell Williams) Grand Finale - (with Nas/TI/Fat Joe/Bun-B/Ice Cube)

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