Heartscore
- Straight To The Brain
by Eric Bodrero
Heartscore
- Straight To The Brain
Rating: 
Warning: This record may cause severe neurological,
emotional, physical, sensual, sexual, auditory, sensory, and/or respiratory
damage, and may cause severe self abuse with spiked clubs, baseball bats,
shards of glass, swords, knives, really big rocks, frayed ends of electrical
chords, chainsaws, nooses, rusty machetes, wild rabies-infested chimps,
or any other object that you can pick up with one or both hands and/or
teach how to attack on demand. Other side effects include vomiting, diarrhea,
bleeding hemorrhoids, chronic ulcers, foaming of the mouth, bleeding from
the ears, severe cramping, and genital failure. Do not listen to
this record while taking a bath with electrical appliances nearby, handling
firearms, operating a motor vehicle at high speeds, pouring molten metal
from a large cylinder, in close range of a red button that controls a large
crane that could potentially release a five ton piece of steel beam, trying
to escape a blazing wheat field fire, or any other situation where your
life could be in jeopardy.
On a lighter note, if this is what the
German rock scene is like, count me out. This sounds like the worst stuff
my high schools garage band never recorded. My editor told (warned?) me
that this is pretty cool after a few drinks. You could down a whole keg
and still want to jump off a ten-story building while listening to this.
One of the many problems I have with Heartscore is that it drives you to
drink. I think all fifty Heartscore fans are raving alcoholics.
In case youre still not sure where I stand
with this band, just heed this advice: unless of course youre from Germany,
avoid Straight To The Brain at all costs, which is exactly where youll
want to sink that drano-filled syringe.
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