GREENMUSE is a regular reader and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy what he has to say! 

As of late you cant go anywhere without hearing about Bin Laden, death, destruction and various other unpleasantries. So in the words of Monty Python; “now for something completely different!" It’s been way too long since I’ve scribbled about mullets and its high time I start. 

For those who don’t already know, let me reiterate my "Joe Dirt Theory". It states as such: upon the release of the movie Joe Dirt the mullet population dropped significantly in what I call the post Joe Dirt Syndrome. This is due to the complete absurdity of the mullet that has now been readily available for all to see. Some yahoos may get the idea to tease or taunt the mullets into hiding, but then a few years later in what I call the "neo-mullet revival" we will witness a golden age of mulletdom, to rival even the muscle car and custom van craze of the 1970's.

With that theory now explained I can go on; the first part of my theory has come true, many case study mullets have since shorn their manes of glory in favor of the buzzcut or have reduced their plumage greatly as not to call attention to it. Take example #1, my moms boyfriend, now he had a beautiful red mullet. I’d give it a 8.9 on the greenmuse mullet scale™, but the last time I saw him(about a month ago)it was GONE! Now make no mistake, he is still "meaner than a junkyard dog" to use his description of himself. All 130 pounds of him, 120 if he removes his "shades". I didn’t get the chance to ask about his haircut, he was off to work(yeah right). Other examples include, but are not limited to; no more mullet sightings in Target and the sparse populations at discount auto parts stores. This despite the numerous muddin trucks and mustang 5.0's,which seem to be the mullet mode of transportation of choice in my neck of the woods or the old beat up beach cruiser bike when they've accumulated too many DUI's and lose their license.

But on the upside of this dismal situation I’ve noticed a few mullet strongholds erected in the war against would be mullet ridiculers. Take a restaurant named "Rickey’s" it’s the kind of place that if you’ve never been there before the music abruptly stops when you open the door. This has always been and always will be the mullet hangout in my area. Good food, cheap as chips, and lots of beer with nascar memorabilia on the walls. There is always country music playing and the waitresses call you "hun". Americana at its best. The last time I was there you could sense the tension in the air. The idea that an "outsider" such as myself would dare tread the ground of the mulleted gods, I could tell they considered beating the living hell out of me, but decided against it and went back to drinking their beers. You could tell as they laughed and jokingly punched each other that these soldiers of the mullet army are ready to reclaim their former glory, in bigger and better forms than ever before. 

Have a good month-gm
 
 

Agree or Disagree? 

Fan Speak:

end