GREENMUSE is a regular reader
and fan contributor at antiMUSIC, the views expressed here don't necessarily
reflect those of antiMUSIC or our sponsors, but we are sure you will enjoy
what he has to say!
Previous Musings
The Joe Dirt Syndrome
As of late you cant go anywhere without
hearing about Bin Laden, death, destruction and various other unpleasantries.
So in the words of Monty Python; now for something completely different!"
Its been way too long since Ive scribbled about mullets and its high
time I start.
For those who dont already know, let me
reiterate my "Joe Dirt Theory". It states as such: upon the release of
the movie Joe Dirt the mullet population dropped significantly in what
I call the post Joe Dirt Syndrome. This is due to the complete absurdity
of the mullet that has now been readily available for all to see. Some
yahoos may get the idea to tease or taunt the mullets into hiding, but
then a few years later in what I call the "neo-mullet revival" we will
witness a golden age of mulletdom, to rival even the muscle car and custom
van craze of the 1970's.
With that theory now explained I can go
on; the first part of my theory has come true, many case study mullets
have since shorn their manes of glory in favor of the buzzcut or have reduced
their plumage greatly as not to call attention to it. Take example #1,
my moms boyfriend, now he had a beautiful red mullet. Id give it a 8.9
on the greenmuse mullet scale, but the last time I saw him(about a month
ago)it was GONE! Now make no mistake, he is still "meaner than a junkyard
dog" to use his description of himself. All 130 pounds of him, 120 if he
removes his "shades". I didnt get the chance to ask about his haircut,
he was off to work(yeah right). Other examples include, but are not limited
to; no more mullet sightings in Target and the sparse populations at discount
auto parts stores. This despite the numerous muddin trucks and mustang
5.0's,which seem to be the mullet mode of transportation of choice in my
neck of the woods or the old beat up beach cruiser bike when they've accumulated
too many DUI's and lose their license.
But on the upside of this dismal situation
Ive noticed a few mullet strongholds erected in the war against would
be mullet ridiculers. Take a restaurant named "Rickeys" its the kind
of place that if youve never been there before the music abruptly stops
when you open the door. This has always been and always will be the mullet
hangout in my area. Good food, cheap as chips, and lots of beer with nascar
memorabilia on the walls. There is always country music playing and the
waitresses call you "hun". Americana at its best. The last time I was there
you could sense the tension in the air. The idea that an "outsider" such
as myself would dare tread the ground of the mulleted gods, I could tell
they considered beating the living hell out of me, but decided against
it and went back to drinking their beers. You could tell as they laughed
and jokingly punched each other that these soldiers of the mullet army
are ready to reclaim their former glory, in bigger and better forms than
ever before.
Have a good month-gm
Agree or Disagree?
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