Any movie critic can tell you what a newly released DVD is about & spoil the ending for you. I plan to ruin your entire DVD watching experience by highlighting it's flaws, it's missteps, it's examples of poor editing, casting, and point out the ridiculous holes in the plot. If you're cynical, you'll appreciate this valuable service I'm providing. If you're easily impressed, then don't say I didn't warn you.  - Mean Jean

Just when I thought the year in DVD releases was going to be one of the least impressive ones in recent history comes I, Robot, squeaking in at the 11th hour to redeem the entire year. This movie has so much to offer, I hope there is a sudden stampede on Wal-Mart of people seeking a quality flick to watch with the entire family. You must overlook the ludicrous & comical assertions dealing with the potential of robots to have free will & souls & the ramifications of those. Isaac Asimov, the author of the story this was based on, was an atheist who had no good working definition of, or belief in, the soul to begin with. So these types of references I dismissed merely as humorous attempts to inject his brand of religion into this otherwise spectacular movie. 

The movie opens with a revelation of the three laws that all robots must follow. If you believe that laws exist entirely to keep man from being as bad as he could be, then immediately you know where the story is headed. Only something with the potential for evil needs a standard of conduct spelled out, therefore, this must be a movie about robots gone wild. But immediately after the laws appear on the screen comes a hilariously funny shot of a crash test dummy underwater doing his thing. It occurred to me then that if all the robots in this movie were going to be that silly looking, how would this be as suspenseful a movie as the ad campaign made it appear? Those robots aren't evil, they are so cute they even had their own dolls a while back, remember? But the roller coaster thrill ride® journey this movie depicts doesn't leave the crash test dummy robots as the bad guys. This is no "Chucky's Robot" horror movie, fortunately. 

Another problem facing this movie is that science fiction movies are not really all that interesting the more sci & fic they get. Who cares about a buncha robots going crazy? Just get one of those humongous electronic magnets that scrap metal dealers use to swing from a crane & conflict is resolved, with plenty of time left over for lunch. I tell ya, if Hollywood would just hire me to write these scripts, movies would be about ten minutes long, and cost hundreds rather than millions of dollars to make. 

Anyway, if you're going to have machines as the major plot device, then the actors opposite them better be solid enough to not get upstaged by a bunch of inhuman objects. Will Smith as Mr. Whathisface the detective was a stroke of casting genius. I don't know about you, but I like Will Smith movies where he's funny, with snappy banter between him & the other players & keep it coming. Then he can *almost rescue **stupid movies. I, Robot is not only a movie that's funny, it's also a top tier action movie. It seems like ever since he made that ***boxing movie that I don't want to watch because I bet it'd be really, really boring, he has all these big, puffy muscles he likes to let out for air once in a while. So this movie also offers all that testosterone laden shooting & cool car crashes & motorcycle stunts & house demolitions & tons of other stuff that Y- chromosomal types are drawn to. 

Just in time for Christmas comes this movie designed for family togetherness around the sacred altar of the tube. This movie is safe to let even your toddlers watch. I mean, maybe you're not too hip on letting your kids see fake dead bodies, but there's only 2, so if you relax you're standards a little bit, this is a fine piece of indoctrination about how robots can be just as evil as people, so maybe your kiddies can watch it & not build any killer robots when they are grown ups. Fill up the baby's bottle with **** egg nog or ***** mistletoe & popcorn & enjoy!

Mean Jean says: Buy it new, now!

(click here to buy the DVD)

*I said, "almost", because "Independence Day" was such a major bomb in spite of him.

**In spite of my remarks about W.S. being able to almost rescue stupid movies, this is not a movie that needed rescuing. It's very original, engaging, interesting, funny & suspenseful in all the right places. I tell ya, they just don't churn out enough movies of this caliber these days, I'm glad we bought it & you should too, then you can be just like me! 

***Ironically, after all that training to box people, the only boxing he does in this movie is with robots.

****Don't put alcohol in the egg nog.

*****Mistletoe is poisonous, and popcorn is a choking hazard. The statement above is what's commonly known in this country as "a joke", or "an attempt at humor". antiMUSIC, the Iconoclast Entertainment Group & I will not be liable if you actually follow my parenting advice. In fact, we will probably be laughing so hard at the results of such a thing when we read about it in "News of the Weird" that we might all have heart attacks & die & our estates will counter sue you.